my bf and i live together for the last 4 yrs.he has joint c and equal and set visitation with his exwife for thier 9yr old son.on the days/weekends my bf does not have his son i tend to make plans for us to do things together.well his ex tends to call sometimes last min or weeks in advance the change the schedule around to suit her.the problem is my bf will discuss all the details with her and agree to what ever she wants 1st before he even checks with me to see if i had anything planned.yes i know emergencies come up but her getting a hot date does not count in my book.i have told him i would just like a phone call to see if i had anything planned before he agrees to any changes.most of the time he will have an excuse why he could not call me(forgot,to busy at work)i think hes just afraid of her and knows she will have a fit if he says to her "i have to check with sue(me) 1st" as she still wants to call the shots.is this worth fighting over with my bf because thats what its come to.
2007-01-24 11:23:26 · 3 answers · asked by katie5duceete 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well, first off. Congrats on putting up with that this long. It takes love and patience which you obviously have. Secondly, you have to make it know that you want the respect of being informed of the decision or you'll never get it. After four years, it's kinda late in the game, but it's not impossible. Just don't expect it to busy. He is under her controll to an extent (DON'T SAY THAT TO HIM!!!). Also, she must have some type of influence over him. she sound controlling. You cannot be the same way. so don't forcebly demand anything from him. Try this:
If he decides to get his son duringa time that you have something planned for you and him, change the plans to where it incorporates all three of you. If not, don;t pout. Tell him that you don't appreciate being ignored and that you expect for him to inform you.
it's his son so you can't expect for him to just say no b/c ya'll have plans. His son does not live with him so there is a part of him that wants to be there as much as he can. Support him and don't stress him more.
2007-01-24 11:37:18 · answer #1 · answered by beautyzhername 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but this is what happens when you date a man that has kids. His first priority is his child so he and his ex will always be communicating and making plans together about this child. The whole check with you first is you wanting to be first in his life and that's not possible in this situation. As long as his ex is not trying to get back with him, then you shouldn't be complaining about anything.
2016-05-24 05:44:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a very similar issue. Since we live together, and at the very least, feel he should talk to me about it before giving in to the ex. On the flip side, if we have plans and my bf asks his ex to take their son, she gets all bs and often says no. I know it's his son, but I feel i am being forced to just go along with it. When the child is with us, I treat him like my own and have seen many positive changes in him since me and his father have been together. In this situation, I feel that i have no choice but to deal with it which i don't feel is fair to me - kinda like saying" it doesn't really matter what you do or don't like, this is my kid and he can be with us anytime". They are divorced and the dynamics of their family life is different now. It is upsetting to me to feel that what I want is simple, yet overlooked. A simple,' honey, so-and-so would like for us to take (child). Do we have any plans?' or "How do you feel about it?" anything would show respect for me and i feel if he is not going to consider my feelings, thoughts, whatever that perhaps i need to rethink things. This is just one example and could go on forever. The point is I see the ex having her weekends to herself and her BF on a moments notice and he says nothing to her about it, yet i'm here unable to do anything with JUST me and my bf I respect and support my BF and his son everywhere I can and my BF often thanks me for all I do. Some adult time, conversation, night out..whatever would be nice. Sorry to vent on this subject ..I'm really frustrated.My intention is not to stress him more yet Im stressed over this so where is the happy medium?
2015-03-23 10:00:00 · answer #3 · answered by Suzanne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋