if i said to you, im a young mum of 18 years old, what would immediately spring into your mind?

Question

just curious as to how many people tar all young mums with the same brush

i had my son when i had just turned 17, he is now 21 months. i have been with his dad 3 years (im nearly 19) and he works full time and we pay full rent and council tax etc. we lived with my partners parents until my son was 15 months old, then we were given a council flat, we waited our turn on the list. i was just curious as to how many people would just assume i was on my own, on benefits etc

also, to the person that said, 'they hoped id learnt my lesson' what is that supposed to mean? my son is not some sort of mistake

i was on the pill, but for some reason it didnt work. i dont like people blaming my mother, she has raised me brilliantly and always has, and still does have 100% faith in me, and is always saying that she knows that i will succeed in both my career and being a mother.

Answer 1

that your an 18yr old mum,i'm 26,i had my eldest daughter when i was 15,and do you know what? i bought her up exactly like women in their 20's and 30's,i am fed up of people judging me,i went to work at 16,(i am now a qualified care assistant).my daughter is clean,well dressed,goes on all the school trips,ALL AT MY EXPENSE! NOT THE TAXPAYERS,I AM A TAXPAYER MYSELF!!!!!!!!! i totally agree with you,why cant people get to know the person before being judgemental,and as for answerers saying its your mums fault,HOW? people ought to get with the real world and stop being so old fashioned,good on you for asking this question,i bet your a brilliant mum,just like me and many other teenagers mums out there.

Answer 2

that's cool I guess.
I am friends with several teen moms and dads (all about 18 or 19)

#1-got pregnant at 16 and married (she's Hispanic and Catholic) her mom didn't flip or anything. She's still married about a year or so, they both live and work. They have an apartment, no support from their parents or the state and our great parents.

# 2- Just had her baby a month ago and is a great mom. Both graduated HS and are on no assistance and no help from parents. She's not working again yet but he does.

#3- She is 8 months ready to pop pregnant. He is engaged to another girl and a pill poper. She's still in school.

#4 - He has his GED and works. She is 7 months pregnant and working at Cox Communications. They are engaged. Living by themselves.

I hate how some people assume just because someone is young, they aren't good parents. Just b/c someone is 34 with a 12yr old doesn't mean they are good parents. Makes me sick.

Answer 3

What a great age to be a mum. I went to a single mothers antenatal class, the youngest mum to be was 15, I was the eldest at 29 We all faced the same worries/concerns, we all felt fat and frumpy with our pregnancies. Whether 15, 18 or 40 if you are a first time mum its a learning curve for all. I'm still in touch with the majority of the class, 9 years on. But that's society for you, so very judgemental. Its a life changing moment, finding out your pregnant and you are going to be a mother, and its the toughest job ever,with or without support and whatever age. Oh and yes to those out there, reading this and thinking stereotypical thoughts, I agree not all mums start off as good mums. but hey, that's where education and support comes into it.

Answer 4

I say congratulations to you, its sad that people always seem to judge, i have known a lot of older motheres who have been hopless when it comes to being a mother, just as there is some young ones who are also hopless. Its not age that is important when it comes to raising a child.

We live in a world where its the done thing to look down on people, and that is wrong.

I married at 18, had 1st baby at 20 2nd at 23, and have been very happy married for nearly 8 years now. My husband is the same age, he is a contoller in the raf, and we work hard and have 2 fantstic well bahaved little girls.

Just goes to show you shouldnt always judge, we where told it last 6 months and that we where to young and all the rest. We have been toghether 11 years.

Proof is in the pudding i say!!!!

Answer 5

Sex, and its not only my mind that it SPRINGS into. I've been single for to long haven't I? As honest as my answer is however I thought I'd just say that if you're happy and your child is loved, and wanted, brought up by a family, a mum and dad together because they love each other as is a child's right to expect then you create an environment that is both balanced and stable enough to have afforded your child the best possible start in life. To be clear I'm not having a dig at anyone who through no fault of their own find they are unable to provide this as **** happens and we adapt. so long as the child has love this at the very least we should be able to provide in which case as the child grows it will know how to give and receive in the correct way. No rather I do not consider it right for single women with no intention of meeting a man, but instead do it using artificial means just because THEY WANT ONE. It's not about what you want. You have a responsibility to ensure the child is given the balance and stability that only a true family can provide. If you're not prepared to conceive the way nature intended and through a union between two people after falling in love with one & other create a child out of that love as god intended then you bring a life into this world through selfishness alone, there is no thought about the needs of the child. Your actions deprive that child of its fundemental right to have a father, sorry but I felt a need to clarify

Answer 6

hi, i would say congrats to you for bringing a lovely baby into this world, i had my first baby at 18 just turned and then i had my second when i was 20, now 20 years later i'm still with my husband who was my boyfriend at the time and i heard all the same things single mother how terrible and believe me it was a lot worse back then, i had not planned my son but i sure love him and always have, mind it was a big shock when he was born and i knew he needed me for every little thing but i got over that and he is a very responsible 19 yr old he has not been in trouble with the police does not go round causing trouble and running riot he is a well ballanced young man with a good full time job, my daughter is now going on 17 and she is at college and is very polite and well brought up too, and now i can enjoy my life and not have to worry about finding childminders and things if i want to go anywhere. i am well for having your children young, and people who think you have just done this to get a council house and live off the state watch too much tv and should look at their own lives before butting into yours, it makes me mad that people just assume that because there is a few inmature people out there that everyone is the same, so i say to u good luck for the future and enjoy you baby and i hope u too go on to prove these small minded people wrong, giving that baby love is the most important thing now making sure he/she is well cared for and fed, brought up with good manners is all u should be worring about not what others think so enjoy your life and when your family is older you will still have time to do all the things people are saying you have missed out now, and i think it is lovely your mother is standing with you, as mine did, thats wot mothers r for. xx

Answer 7

I am also a young mum i had my son two months before my 18th birthday. Sometime the looks I get and the way people pre-judge me gets on my nerves, I am not still with the father of my child as he upped and left us for someone else but that doesnt mean that i sit around on my butt all day and do nothing. Anyone no matter their age who has children should know that looking after a child is not easy, you cannot sit there all day and just watch them gettin on with things we are needed 24/7, people have said to me in the past that i obviously wanted to take the easy option and i just think to myself this is harder than going to work 9-5 because my son is my lifelong responsibility and i need to bring him up in a good way so he gets a good education and is generally a happy child

I am at university studying for a better life for me and my child and i am determined to give it to him.

So going back to your question I would think I to myself ' I hope you like myself are determined to show people that not every young parent is the same'

Good luck for the future x

Answer 8

I think you sound a fantastic mum, really mature and knows where you want to be in life! Well done you, i dont assume your what the stigma may say! I was a mum at 17 and i was single, but it brought me to realisation and i grew up and sorted my life out, im now married with another child and recently had twins too! We are really happy, my husband is self employed and we dont claim any thing either and it is a good feeling, people assume we get lots of tax credits with 4 children but we dont get any thing and were proud of that , we are doing it on our own two feet! The stigma was always there when i was 18 but i proved every one who judged me wrong, and so are you.! You go girl!! Good luck xxxxxxx

Answer 9

what springs to my mind right away is why are u asking this question?
you obviously feel that you may be tarred with the same brush as others on benefits, but to my mind you are no different if you are living in a council house! correct me if im wrong but isn't a council house a huge benefit!?
I don't know as i have always worked and saved for any house i had!
My mother was 16 when she had me and i can tell you i was delighted when i didn't follow in her footsteps!
My advice to you, is why be bothered what people think of you,.just promise me one thing , enjoy your child and don't grow to resent it when it is older and having the teenage years you didn't! Remember you decided to go ahead with this pregnancy and you brought this child into the world, it is your responsibility to look after it even when in a few years time you may be fed up with the time you have lost! You can still recapture that time to some extent when you are older, but you can never remove the huge burden of guilt placed on a child that was a mistake!!
Stop concerning yourself with pointless questions and just enjoy your child! please!

Answer 10

i was on the pill and fell preg at 18 i had my son 12 days before my 19th b,day, and hes the best thing thats ever happened to me, i work im a brill mum and have been with his dad for nearly 7 years, so the first thing that comes into my head is fair play to you coz as all mums know no matter how old you are having kids isent easy, so dont listen to these people that slate you coz they most probably are jealous that you are a young fab mum, and there old and were too in to there career and now finding it too late to have kids and not only that BUT WHO SAYS HOW OLD YOU HAVE TO BE TO HAVE KIDS, i used to take my son to mother and baby groups and there were mums that were 30 ish and didnt know as much as i did i.e stupid thing like winding them after a bottle and im not joking, so it dosent matter if you are 17 or 47 when you first have a baby if your mature enough it shouldent be a problem,
fair play to you on being a brill mum,
chelsey x x

Answer 11

my honest first thought was that your a great mum who does her best to provide for her family. I would say to anyone who judges you or looks down on you, to get their own life and stop being jealous! Believe it or not some people would love what you have got, such as a partner who works, a house and a lovley child. Keep doing what your doing and I think you will make a real sucess for yourself. My wife is only 21 and is expecting our 3rd baby in 4wks and she gets people critising her aswell but she knows better and turns a blind eye, she is a wife and a mother and like you does a great job. Good luck with the future.