Do you think my story is good or do you think it is too ... sad? reavealing? or just what do you think?

Question

La Pasta De Dientes:


A woman is walking her dog down the sidewalk when suddenly her dog stops to smell the leaves. The dog barks loudly at it, as if something or someone were hiding there. The woman kicks the leaves and feels something hard underneath them. When she brushes the leaves off, and realizes what it is, she screams and runs off to call 911.
The police and ambulance show up within ten minutes. The girl has been dead for at least nine hours. They observe that she is naked, bruised, and there are stab wounds on her. The girl was only twelve years old. “It looks like quite a struggle”, says one of the policemen. “Let’s take her down to the examining station.”
They took her into the examining room and they went straight to finding out who did this. They found out that the night before there was a report that a little girl was missing. It said that she was twelve years old, had blond hair, blue eyes, and 4 ft 11. They called up the person that made the report and told her they might have found her little girl.
When the mother came down to the station, they told her she would have to identify her. She had a recent picture, and clearly it was the same girl. “Please come in here with us.” They took her to see her daughter, and she started crying from first glance. “My Annabelle! My beautiful Annabelle! Why! Why!!”
They took her into the questioning room and asked her a few questions about her daughter death. “Who do you think would do this to your daughter? Do you know anyone that has a grudge against or doesn’t like her for any reason?” questioned the police officer. “Well, we have been moving around quite a bit lately to get away from my husband, when we lived with him, he would abuse her and I didn’t like that, so we left and ran.” “He has been trying to find us for some time now”
“We took the mother in for questioning and we think it might have been the father,” said the detective. “Possibly, but let’s get the father in here first.” They found out where to find the father and took him in for questioning. “Did you kill your daughter?” asked the detective. “No! I would never hurt my daughter, my wife stole her from me a few months ago, she would always hurt her. I have been trying to get my daughter back, but I could never find where they were, she was always moving her around so I couldn’t find them.”
The next day, they brought both the mother and father in. Would either of you like to see your daughter one last time?” “no.” They both said at the same time. They took them in for saliva tests, for they had found some saliva on the girl, and this was what was going to tell them who killed Annabelle.
They had the results in a yellow folder in their hands, and one of them was about to get arrested. They took them each in separate rooms. In the first room, “It’s okay, they will go to prison for life, and your daughter will be put peacefully to rest. You can arrange the funeral.” And that was the end of it.
The mother was found guilty for the murder of Annabelle Adams, the conclusion was that her daughter mouthed off to her, so she killed her daughter on the spot, kinked her, pulled her hair, and took all her clothes off and through her out in the cold night. She stabbed her to death, and then hid her under a pile of leaves on the side of the road. She was sentenced to life in prison and the father started a new life. He never forgot about Annabelle though, and visited her everyday. Eventually he would meet her in heaven. But until then, he lives his life.

THE END

Answer 1

i loved the story, it was great. the only thing i thought was wierd was, the saliva thing. maybe they should've found a hair or skin under the girl's nails from trying to fight back. i mean, how does that fit in?

Answer 2

that's truly ordinary to fulfill somebody as quickly as and picture there's a connection. internet conversations are constantly truly base and there is not often any content. Emailing returned and forth is greater of a fashion of journaling and venting approximately your day. maximum folk do no longer decide to pay attention each element of your existence and while somebody 0.5-way worldwide needs to envision your messages you experience particular. i do no longer think of that she became ever waiting for a dating she basically enjoys feeling like your a chum she would be in a position of communicate to and you're unlikely to bypass at the back of her returned and tell her different stable pals some secret she advised you. If she became in a dating earlier together as you have been speaking and she or he's in a dating that she considers to be love you need to tell her that your emotions are harm which you concept you adult males have been going to discover your connection yet then pass on. She for sure has desperate to purpose her luck at love with community adult males so i think of you need to end residing on the previous and pass forward. discover somebody who's close to you.

Answer 3

Kind of short, and a bit choppy, and they figured it out way quick. But if it were a novel, a suspense thriller, I could see that. The storyline could develop nicely.

Answer 4

It's good. It is kind of short and I knew how it was going to end. To me this sounds like a episode of Law and Order SVU.

Answer 5

Pretty good. I won't critique it because I'm not a writer. But some people in here are. Hope they see it and give you some feedback.