I need help with a abusive brother -in- law?

Question

I have a 25 year old sister that lives everyday of her life in a abusive realationship. She has two small kids and I cant seem to get it in her mind to get out. Not only does her husband beat on her .His family does it also and he just stands there and lets it happen. I would call the law myself but I dont want her kids taken away from her due to the situation but I cant stand by to watch her throw her life and my newphew lifes a way ..WHAT DO I DO ?

Answer 1

She needs to get a divorce...
Offer her a place to live....
A way out...

Answer 2

why do you think her kids would be taken away if you call the police? Just because someone is abused doesn't mean their kids will be taken...now if there are drugs or something else involved you are worried about, then quite possibly the kids being put in foster care while she straightens her life out wouldn't be such a bad idea.

There really isn't anything you can do or say to convince her to leave. As much as you are concerned for her safety, it is ultimately her decision. She's scared, probably doesn't have the resources to actually move and support the kids. Her self esteem is low and is probably very depressed.

I suggest you contact a local domestic abuse shelter. They can counsel you on things you can do for her, as well as give you information on programs available in your area that may help her.

If you or a family member have the resources, get her into counseling. There are even free counseling clinics through the state if necessary. (info you probably can obtain through the domestic violence shelter)

there is also a national number, 1-800-799-7233 http://www.ndvh.org/

At the very least, urge her, even take her yourself, to the hosiptal anytime she has an injury. That way at least the abuse is documented...and the hospital just may take action on it's own due to manditory reporting laws...and you won't have to feel responsible for the outcome.

Answer 3

Honestly I am a child of an abusive relationship and I am also raising three children that aren't mine that are involved in the middle of two parents that are verbally and physically abusive to each other the best thing that I can tell you to do is give your sister an altimatum if you know that she really loves her kids she will most likely do it and if and only if she truly is tired she will leave otherwise some people it may take something more serious to wake them up and if you are a truly caring sister then you would do what is best for your nieces or nephews or both because they did not ask to be here and that is what I hate people having kids and then not raising them they are too concerned about the meanial problems going on in their tiny lives forget the fact that they have individuals loving them unconditionally do what is best for the innocent ones call child protective services

Answer 4

I know you think her kids will be taken away from her, but if she is not doing the abusing, there is a good chance that her kids would still be able to remain with her. CPS doesn't like to put kids with total strangers if they don't have to. Perhaps you could call a domestic violence hotline or abuse hotline and get their advice. They can tell you how you can help your sister because they are trained to know what to do to help the person being abused and their children. If you do nothing, then there is a good chance things will escalate to the point of where something horrible can happen. Women in abused relationships don't always see what those outside the relationship see, and they aren't always open to listening to the advice or opinions of others. I truly think you should call a hotline for advice. I think they can advise you best. Good luck.

Answer 5

Ok so this is probably not going to be what you desire to hear but at the end of the day the issue you have isn't with your brother-in-law. It is truly with your sister. No matter what he does, he does it because she allows it. Your sister is a victim but the kind that chooses her fate. I don't think you're wrong for giving him the cold shoulder but you need to make it clear to your sister that if she continues to allow this man to beat her then you will be giving her the cold shoulder too. It's the same as watching her die if he doesn't change his behavior. I say you confront her and then make the hard choice of either accepting them both or shunning them both.

Answer 6

They won't take the kids away from her, they'll take the kids out at the same time they get her out. Abusers tend to pick on one person, so stand there and watch her be abused until she gets killed then continue to watch while he selects the oldest kid to start abusing, meanwhile the kids think this is normal so they grow up and become abusers themselves, not because they are mean, but becuase they think this is how you settle a conflict. but it will be ok, because you tried to keep the family together.

WAKE UP AND CALL THE COPS!!

Answer 7

I hate to say this, but it is her life. She is an adult and allowed to make her own choices. I know it pains you to see her and her children suffer. There is nothing you can do but let her know that when she wants to leave, she has a place to go. Until then, just wait and pray.

Having a husband, even one who is so abusive, may be more important to her than the safety of her kids. Hard to believe, but many women make the same choices every day.

Answer 8

I don't think that the children would be taken away from the mother! But i really think that you should get some help quick. I know it doesn't seem like the right thing to do but you are endangering your sister and her kids. You want them to be safe. If you don't want to be the one to turn your Brother-in-law in then find some one who can. Someone you can trust.

PLEASE get your sister and her kids out!

Answer 9

I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. She doesn't leave because of several factors. If you can resolve them, she will go.

1. She lacks the confidence to believe she can make it without him. Many of these women wrap up their identity in the man they are with. So they think that without him, they are worthless. Being with a man, in her mind, gives her value.

2. Lack of confidence, also means that she may lack the courage to make the change. In her mind she's got those kids to think about. She'll have to fight for them. If she can't fight for herself, how can she fight for them?

3. She needs an out. A sure thing. Someone to say, I will provide a place for you to live, a place where you and the kids can be safe, and the support you need to be successful with this.

4. She needs an army of support. Get her a support group she can turn to before she leaves. She needs the strength of this new group of super friends to keep up her confidence.

Prepare yourself. If you bring her home, he will call, show up, and generally harrass, and he will try to make you miserable, but thankfully, it will be short lived, if you both stick to your convictions. Don't let him tear down her confidence. It's the key to her going on without him. And he knows it.

Best of luck to you and my prayers for strength go out to your sister.

Answer 10

She needs to divorce him. While she's in court trying to get her kids, she should then tell them that he abused her, and she doesn't want him around the kids. The abuse alone will get her the kids. His sorry butt can pay child's support for the rest of his life.

Answer 11

If you truly believe that your sis and her kids are truly in danger, document what she has said to you and dont forget the date and time. This can be used as evidence. Her kids will not be taken away from her if she is doing nothing wrong to them. And call the police and report it to them.