how do you deal with a compulsive liar?

Question

my housmate lies about everything and its serious stuff like saying she was abused, beat up, she owns this and that and its all lies! ive confronted her about it but she said she doesnt know she does it!! how is that possible!

Answer 1

This is quite a serious problem.

Your housemate isn't a compulsive liar. She's a pathological liar, which is considered to be a mental health disorder.

Pathological liars actually believe the lies that they tell and don't really know the difference between reality and the fantasy they're telling people. Pathological liars are usually quite intelligent, but manipulative and automatically lie to achieve some type of outcome.

Compulsive liars are aware that they're telling a lie, but do it out of habit. They often find the truth too difficult, so hide behind a bunch of lies. These people aren't usually manipulative like pathological liars are and they'll normally admit to lying when confronted. They lie out of habit and to try and avoid difficult issues.

Is answer to you question - yes, it's possible for a person to tell the most outrageous lies and not actually know it.

Your housemate needs professional help.

Please don't follow the other advice, suggesting you try and tell big lies back to teach a lesson. It's not a game you should get into with someone suffering from a mental health issue.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Hi sounds almost like a cry for help, i maybe wrong.
Maybe she wants to hide something from her past or wants to make it more interesting. (Why on earth she would want to do it telling lies like that i'll never know)
My friends husband was like your friend, he actually went as far as to tell her , he was dying from cancer.
One thing you must remember is that she is obviously doing it for some kind of reaction, maybe she ought to see a counsellor, to help her, find the root cause.
Apart from that there is not much you can do i am afraid, as she will always deny it.
Does she tell everyone these lies or only you?
Maybe you should talk to someone, so maybe you can change the way you think (not a dig), so that her lies don't have such an impact on your life.

Answer 3

This is a very dangerous person. She is not aware of her behaviour. She is already an adult and for you to take on the role of her parent is asking too much. You would have to confront her each time she opens her mouth. Get away from her. The law tends to believe people first and ask questions later. If she can lie to you as her housemate, she can lie to anybody. To live with somebody you cannot trust brings too much stress.

Answer 4

Just take everything they say with a pinch of salt. I've a very good mate like that and he once told an ex-girlfriend he had leukaemia to get a bit of sympathy. After I had a recent testicular problem (turned out OK) he suddenly announces he's got testicular cancer. No-one believed him as his story of how it was found varied from person to person. It turns out though he really did have a cancerous testicle removed, but it sounds bad to say this, the only reason we now believe him is his girlfriend witnessed the diagnosis and he's got a pretty good scar now.

Answer 5

I would think she has a compulsive destructive disorder which no doubt could be helped if she sought aid from her GP who could refer her to a professional psychologist or other similar professional.

It is not healthy behaviour and I would suggest there is a deep rooted problem that she really needs to get help with.

Just explain to her that you are concerned for her wellbeing expecially as she doesn't realise she is doing it, and would like to help if she would like you to go with her to see her GP to give her support and help her explain the problem to her doctor.

It is a very difficult situation and possibly needs more thought about the best way to broach the possibility of getting help to solve the problem.

She could be creating a lot of aggro for herself if she is accusing people of abusing her when this is not true, this could be very damaging, and hurtful to inflict upon someone; does she really understand how that could really harm someone mentally, emotionally and perhaps the person's relationship with other people and work colleagues.

Answer 6

well, I hate them too. My x boyfriend was a compulsive lier,and after I figured it all out, I kicked his *** out. the worst part was his family knew and did nothing. ANyways, when your listening, have a comback comment ready:something like ,well,I see you telling your stories again,and confront him in front of others. dont back down or be bullied by him. stand up and let him know if front of everyone that he's a lier and you know it.. have prrof ready so that you can prove to others for a fact that you know hes lieing tell him exactly how you feel,and that its realy disturbing to you to hear him constantly lieing. this will show him up and maybe get others thinking,and then once you prove that he is full of ****,,others will be quick to follow in suit and befriend him, and then maybe he will seel the help he needs

Answer 7

I agree with none, this is her business and lying is not contagious so you don't need to interact with her in this way. I usually lie back to the other person and they know that I know I've been lied to. I wonder if people think we're stupid hence they lie to us in the first instance, but its not something I spend a lot of time thinking about, people lie and you just have to smile in response unless its something that affects you and is of the utmost serious.

Answer 8

Her reality is not yours.

Two choices;
Follow her lead.
Lead her out.

The first I suspect goes against your values. The second is a 'space' choice, she's agging you up and not your long term type, so move on and get her out.

There is another, but it's the hardest and most folks don't want to go there. Force her to rationalise: which means a confrontation and emotional outpouring. Stressful stuff: but if she's your friend, it might just help her?

Answer 9

She sounds like a pretty sad person to me. People tend to lie about stuff like this, to gain sympathy, or for a feeling of self-importance.
The fact that she needs to feel "special" means that something is missing in her life. And the fact that she claims doesn't know she's doing it only re-enforces the fact that she KNOWS she's doing it, and is embarrassed about being caught out in her lies.

She's lying to you about lying to you, and if it's possible, you might want to think about finding another housemate. If she lies like this to other people, she might upset the wrong person one of these days. and then you never know what might happen.
Remember, you're judged by the company you keep.....

Answer 10

Do any of the lies actually affect you? Sounds like they are annoying, but none of them have anything to do with you. Just don't tell her anything important because she'll lie to the contrary. If it bothers you, find a new housemate. It's her right to be an idiot, unfortunately.