I need good honest advice please..................and not your own life story?

Question

My boyfriend and I of 3 1/2 years broke up. And I NEED him back. I was raped in October, and that put alot of stress on our relationship. I was in alot of counselling, and got diagnosed with bipolar disorder in that time. I was put on meds for it as well. I had a hard time trusting anyone, and shut others out completely. I keep alot of things bottled up inside, and won't really open up to anyone. I was really moody and depressed. Then around Christmas, I just gave up. Quit the counselling, and the meds. I felt as if no one else was trying to help me. They expected me to be the same happy outgoing person I was, like before it happened. But I was out clubbing the night it happened, so why? And when Chris gave up, it made me realize how much I took him for gantite, and that he actually was trying to help me. But I shut him out somewhat as well. And now I need him back, I need his help, love and support. I can't go on with him giving up too.. He WAS the only thing that kept me going.

I did talk to him about it last night, and he said he would think about it. I am also going back to counselling, starting tomorrow, and em back on my meds. Also going to anger management, and AA. I drank alot of my problems away. He did call me, so hopefully he'll fogive me, and try ONE last time. If most of you think I did/am doing the right thing

Answer 1

wow. 3 in a half years...that almost guarantees that he still thinks of you. i say you really need to talk to this dude. explain to him in more detail what you explained on here. pour your heart out. ask him to help you, not just for him to come back to you. tell him he's the only one that kept you going as you just stated. tell him you're sorry for giving up on him and everyone else. i'm pretty sure he'll understand. i've never been in this kind of situation, but i'm sure things will unwind for the best. the thing to focus on though, is once you get this guy back, never let him go. tell him to tell you what you need to do to not be depressed, when you feel depressed, i know its a disorder but you have to give it your all, when you feel depressed, and you know its for no reason, ask him if he wants to go out to town or something. something he likes to do. just talk to him. its tough...but you gotta do it.

Answer 2

How can any one of us help you when you gave up helping yourself. You said that you can't open up to anyone but you have just told everyone who comes to Yahoo your whole story. You will never forget being raped but you also have to get on with your own life and start living it even if that means going back to counselling and the meds. If Chris isn't strong enough to help you then you need to find someone who is. But it's not going to help you if you keep shutting people out of your life. Being raped is a hard thing for a guy to understand how it feels unless he has been raped. Have patience with Chris also, he may not know how to help you. He may feel that he let you down by this happening to you. The male ego is a very fragile thing.

Answer 3

You know all i can tell you is that you should try to find a group of women that this has happen to, either in your community or somewhere, i was molested for 4 years by my stepfather, and i found this great group, it's somewhat counseling but you can share your feelings and emotions about things, i too became isolated and wanted nothing to do with no one, but my boyfriend now of 4 years, saw that it had affected me, and he goes to the group sessions every Thursday with me, the group i attend is called Parents United and its the best thing that has come out of all of this. Now its been about 4 years since when the last time i saw my stepfather and i have gotten through a lot of stuff, but dont forget that it was NOT your fault and that there is people that love you and want to help you, good luck and be strong

Answer 4

Lets first take a look at to what lead up to the rape, you were out clubbing? Why wasn't your Boy friend with you? You must have been drunk and making wrong choices to get into a predicament. Sorry it happened to you noone deserves to be raped. and now you are not taking care of yourself!!!!!. If you don't care about yourself how can anyone else care? Go back into counseling and keep taking your meds and maybe you find the love and support that you need. Good Luck

Answer 5

First of all sweetie... u need to look at the whole picture b4 u. I have been EXACTLY where u r now, and apparently simular scenario. Personally it's a dark, lonely, miserable place inside ur head and heart right now... Only you can change that. Also, It's sounds as if u may hav given up on urself b4 he gav up on u. U need 2 get in touch with ur true self, as well as go bac 2 being the person YOU kno urself as.Thats sounds harsh right now, but thats how it is.That's prolly who he knows u as - and u obviously(with reason) hav changed. Remeber - Men hav a hard time dealing with change. They also hav a harder time dealing with guilt. I'm sure this has all affected him , Yes, as much (maybe not the same way) as it did u. He's prolly feeln lost - without the old u, and helpless - b/c he couldn't help u. Men r simple creatures, as for women r complicated. We tend to make the simple things in life multi-dimentional, and that confuses the hell out of people in general. Keep ur life simple for now, rediscover the strong woman within urself, and worry about picking up the peices when they arent so scrambled. Right now might b a good time 2 jus let him kno that u still love him, and that u would like 2 hav him around while u heal. This could possible giv him the opportunity to rediscover the old u as well. FYI... if ur still goin out - he feels violated. He couldnt help u then, and he see u doing the same thing that got u hurt to begin with.... if ur still doin it. Don't blame him for bein human in that dept. Bless ur heart, stay strong, keep ur head up - contact me via e-mail if ud like. I have a huge heart, and it's with u! Good luck!

Answer 6

I'm glad your back in therapy and taking your meds. Those two things are the most important things you need to do to help you with the horrific crime you have endured. The one thing that will help your relationship is communication. Pour your feelings and heart out to your boyfriend. Don't expect him to solve all your problems because he cant. See if both of you can have a meeting with your therapist once a week, so he can better understand what your going through. He probably is feeling lost and confused himself. He doesn't know how to help you. If he goes to therapy with you. It will give him the tools to understand your moodiness, depression, ect. Remember this really is your problem and if he doesn't want to continue on with your relationship you need to except this and continue on with your healing. With or without him. Good Luck..

Answer 7

Listen girl, I am sorry for all the bad things that have happened to you but it is obvious that if he didn't stay around is because he doesn't want to deal with it. Don't blame yourself, just because you were out clubbing, it could've happened after work or something. You need to go back to your counseling, and open up to your family. They will be there to help you every step of the way if possible. You need love and your family will be the only one who can offer you unconditional love and support. Also, I don't know about your religious practices, but one thing is for sure talk to GOD. Ask him to comfort you and to help you through these hard times. He will listen. From the bottom of my heart I wish you many Blessing.

Answer 8

You asked for honest advice; You don't need him back- that is not why people are even together in the first place. People are together because they want to be with each other, not because of codependance.
You never know what you can do until you are forced to. This sounds like you right now. I know you're scared you can't do this, but have faith in yourself because I believe in you too- us women are very resiliant. Imagine the respect you could earn from him doing it this way and maybe approaching him in the (hopefully near) future to show him the healthy and complete person that you know is still in you somewhere. In that way- I feel you would strengthed yourself and the relationship and be filled with pride in yourself.
Good luck.

Answer 9

You say not your own life story, well that's how some of us relate. Anyway my experience tells me there are people in the world who can help, but the one person that has to help is you. You need to find the worth in you, this person who victimized you is the worthless scum that should be paying for this terrible act. Sounds to me like you have a pretty good idea of what won't work, so take control of your life and do what you think is good for you. Reach out to Chris or anyone else who you think can help. The words most of us offer are pretty lame but they are all we have. Maybe it helps to know there are people who don't want to see a good person suffer for being a victim. God Bless

Answer 10

Some people don't like to around people that appear to be needy. That is, people who can't stand on their own two feet.

You may need him, but it sounds like he didn't want to deal with it anymore. Making yourself worse by stopping counseling and medication isn't going to bring him back to you but drive him further away.

Get your act together before you think about trying for a relationship again. It will be easier all the way around.