Friend taking on unneded responsibility and wanting help?

Question

I have a good friend Jennifer who has a very bad habbit of overextending herself trying to do nice things. She has said this is how she gets her worth. Anyway she has volunteered to pick up ten children from school take them to church feed them and take them home. Two trips to pick them up, two trips to take them to church and when she takes them to their houses they dont live in same houses. She asked me to help by watching kids that she is not picking up or taking home at time. was there from around twelve in afternoone to ten at night. . This is too much for her I think and i feel like i should not enable her by helping her do something out of quilt cause she is a good friend that in the end i think is detrimental to her. I feel she is being used by parents who should have told her NO, this is too much. What do yall think. I also think she takes too much on for herself thinking people will help her cause they owe her or wont say no to her. which i think is wrong for her to do

I think when people know it financilly strains her and emotionally they should reinforce they lvoe her for who she is not what she does. and tell her no.

Answer 1

Well, I agree with you that she does take on too much, but whether or not you really have a say is questionable. She is obviously an adult and her decisions will reflect on her. As her friend you have every right to voice your opinion (Once Only though, because then it turns to nagging). She then knows how you feel and can make an adult decision. If she chooses to continue down this path, that is "her choice". It is also "your choice" if you wish to help her. If you disagree with her taking on this responsibility than tell her you don't mind helping "her", but not everyone else and will need to decline but are willing to help her with anything for just "her".

The one thing you can also look at is does she do this all the time? Has she done this most her life (take on too much)? This can determine her personality. Maybe she is just that type of person. I'm the type feels a lot like you. I feel my fiancé takes on too much and sometimes overextends him. He feels that I'm not as helpful as I could be. Sometimes, it's just that difference in personalities that you either accept or move pass. I'm sure that if she sees you as a good friend she will not have a problem with you not helping. After all, you did not volunteer yourself, she did and since "she" was the one to volunteer, "she" needs to be the one responsible for her actions. If she gets overwhelmed, she needs to be an adult and let those know that she offered to help that it is too much. As hard as it can be to just stand back and watch, sometimes that is what it take for the person to realize that what they took on is too much. I did that with my fiancé a couple of times and now after making his own mistakes, he is learning were his limits are in taking on just enough or too much responsibility.

Good Luck to you and your friend, and God Bless!

Answer 2

properly id get her some help and if she doesnt take it often times its perfect purely to leave her, im advantageous she will come lower back to you once she realises what mess she is in there is purely a lot you may do to assist someone dont enable her make you experience responsible, perhaps once she realises that she has no human being she would ultimately want to regulate it actual relies upon on how good she is as someone sorry to take heed to about your pal, wish each little thing seems ok x

Answer 3

Well, there are worse things she could be doing in her life.

I don't see the problem here. If she doesn't have a problem with it then there isn't a problem. It probably makes her feel good to do this stuff. It sounds like her personality is a "pleaser". This is a real personality trait. Don't be afraid of it and don't discourage her from being a helper.

I mean, seriously, if it were men taking advantage of her for (clears throat) then I would say intervene. But this is nothing. Don't be too concerned. She sounds like a great person who will achieve great things in life, don't hold her back.

Answer 4

If she's taking on too much, stop helping her by picking up her slack. She has told you she likes being used because being used is how she gets her worth, so she has a problem.
I agree with you- don't enabler her sickness by participating in it. I think she's the manipulative one: she's putting herself in a position of being "owed favors" and using these things for her own gain (to feel worth). She's not doing it to be nice, she's doing it for her own benefit.

Answer 5

she is your friend,, and you have to accept her, no matter what she is doing/taking on,,, but you dont have to help her!, if you feel you have a few hours to give a week, and you wish to, then offer that,,,,,,, otherwise, leave her to it,,,,, friends should be there and try to help each other in emergencies, if they can,,, but this isnt an emergency,,,,,,,,,she will continue doing it until she finds her sense of self worth in herself, or someplace else,,,,,,,,,,these childrens parents should be taking care of them, or paying someone else to,,,,,, the noon till 10 at night sounds very odd,,, no one should be doing that for free,,,, just tell her no,, you cant take on that responsibility right now,,,,,

Answer 6

SHE volunteered it is not up to the parents to do HER thinking for HER. If you don't want to help her then don't but don't blame the parents of the kids she is in charge of because SHE took on the job voluntarily nobody FORCED her into it. No one OWES her anything...this is a VOLUNTEER effort and you can't go into it expecting ANY form of payment whether it be praise, or money. If she doesn't WANT to do the job then she shouldn't volunteer.

Answer 7

Hi there,
Suggest that she has the child dropped off and picked up at a certain time. That way she can feed them, play with them, and teach them. All great things!
Maybe you can help her manage her time better.