Why do we tend to grow up and resent our parents?

Question

It seems like a common theme? Is there any reasoning behind this? It seems like counselors and psychologists over use this a lot and tend to help us learn to resent our parents. Are they just easy scape goats to our own lacking? Or do parents in general somehow stop their kids from achieving their goals?

Answer 1

In general, I think yes, parents are easy scape goats. We all want something/someone else to blame for our personal failures, bad mistakes, wrong decisions - and who is easier to blame than our parents.

Counselors do, I believe, overuse this - especially the ones who haven't matured in their thinking/relationships with their own parents.

No. Our parents aren't perfect. Yes. They make mistakes. Yes. There are many things we can look back on and point out how they could've done things better or different so that we would be happier adults with less work! (I'm a Mom now, so I know that parents KNOW what they could've done different too - and parents feel worse about it than their children can ever imagine.)

The sooner we accept our parents flaws, as much as we desire them to accept ours, instead of holding their flaws against them...the sooner we are free to love and be loved and have a truly happy existence on this ride called "LIFE." The sooner we become willing to accept our failures, mistakes and bad decisions for ourselves, as our own doing, the sooner we are free to make better decisions and reach greater success.

Answer 2

Psychologists DO NOT teach us to resent our parents! They don't need to do that! As children grow up, become teenagers and enter adulthood, usually they start realising that their parents are human beings and not all-powerful beings. We suddenly see the mistakes they've made with our upbringing but also see the positive things they've offered us. Now, if some people chose to stay stuck only on the negative things, turning it over and over in their minds, never letting it go, it's their choice.
Also, parents are human too, meaning that they also carry their own problems and burdens (probably passed on to them by THEIR parents!) which affect how they treat their children. Nobody's perfect. All one can do is try to resolve their own issues and take responsibility for their own life.

Answer 3

I don't resent my parents. Oh, I did when I was a teenager. When I was a small child I used to think the world of them, then as I grew out of childhood I began to find fault with my parents. They were no longer as wise and correct in their behavior as I once thought. I grew to resent their admonishments. I grew to resent their values. I wanted to get out and enjoy my freedom...

Then I went away and found a job. I was independent of my parents. As the years past I found that the things my parents taught me were not so stupid. Their values were certainly better than those of many of my peers. When I would go back to their home I would see them as people, not much different than myself. They had their problems and they dealt with them the best they could. As I grew older I also grew in respect for the things they faced and the way they handled life.

I suppose to answer your question, I believe that all teenagers have to pass through a stage where they biologically need to separate themselves from their parents. The brain of the teenager is just wired for resenting their parents when they get the right age.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Resentment is most of the time among adolescents. At this age, we create a very nice picture of the world in our minds that conforms to our preferences-which is often times impossible. On the other hand, our parents see the world as what it really is and they are trying to tell that to us. Unfortunately, the message sent to us is "to stop dreaming."

We resent our parents because they are our first critics and bosses. And unlike the enemies we have in school, we can't just avoid nor disregard them.

Answer 6

Because we can't handle the reality of recognizing they are just regular people. We held them to this high standard of goodness and knowlage and looked to them for guidance.

Then we grow up and learn they are as screwed up as anyone. We feel betrayed that we put so much trust in someone. It's a hard thing to deal with.

Answer 7

Simple, because our parents grew up and resented their parents too. They may not tell that they did, but it's denial at work... That's why they say, what the parent does, the child will also do...

Answer 8

I grew up in foster homes,But i did resent my dad because he never took care of us properly.But i never did hate my parents mabe my foster parents i still got issues to deal with.But i can understand what your trying to say.I believe psychologists think to highly of themselves,their experiences come from a book not all of them i agree but i think they are afraid to admit they might be wrong.Peace Victorio

Answer 9

I think it is because we don't really grow up.
We don't see them as people, we see them as parents that could have done better,which is a ridiculous thing to do, because in truth, we all can do a little better in everything.

Answer 10

I think it's because our parents love us no matter what and in knowing that we take them for granted. I dont think it's an intentional thing it just happens.