I am very nice to him, particularly when it involves the kids. But no matter what I do or say he is angry with me and often yells or calls me names. I am christian and trying to be friends with my enemy. Can anyone give me some advice?
2007-01-24 05:30:44 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Alot of people lash out in anger when deep down inside they are filled with guilt. He cant rationalize his feelings for what he has done to his family and he lashes out at you for it. (Making it your fault in his mind by pointing out all of the negatives)
It always takes two to make or break a marriage but you keep doing the right thing by being the bigger person. Dont let him bait you into acting the same ugly way, but also dont let him disrespect you verbally. Stand up for yourself and demand he remain civil or limit your contact with him. BUT ,,,,, DO NOT MAKE THE CHILDREN YOUR MESSENGERS !!!!
That makes them feel as if they have been put in the middle and they might feel as if they need to choose sides to make you and your husband happy. Keep them out of your discussions with your ex.
2007-01-24 05:43:35 · answer #1 · answered by saragiguere 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a good thing and reflects well on you that you are trying to make this work for the sake of your kids. What he is doing, however, is trying to make YOU feel badly about yourself and to hurt your esteem in order to make HIM look and feel better. The fact is that he is a jerk, and is unworthy of your friendship. You have tried your best. Now it is best for you and your children to stop putting up with it. You do not want to teach your kids to let people abuse you, and it will hurt them to see and hear this. Whenever he does this to you, tell him that you do not appreciate him acting like a jerk, and hang up on him. HE is the one with the problem, not you. Put your foot down. Refuse to be abused. If he is going to act like that, then refuse to talk to him. When he is nice, the return his kindness in kind. Other than that, don't have anything to do with him. If he tries to force himself into your life in any violent way or keeps calling, call the police. It is stalking if he does not leave you alone. You have a right to be treated with respect.
Jesus said to turn the other cheek. You turned it. There is nothing in the Bible that says you have to do anything more than that if he doesn't repent and say he is sorry. Loving your enemy does not have to mean being abused by them. God bless you for trying! Good luck!
2007-01-24 05:42:02 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's a jerk and you are no longer his slave. He has no right to talk down to you. Tell him to shove it, because that's what Jesus would do, only he would do it more tactfully and probably in some kind of parable. And feel sorry for his current wife, she's living with this guy everyday. God gave you a blessing when you got divorced, be a good example for the kids, but let this man know- it's not okay to do this. Also, I have concern for your kids in this situation, it's not healthy for them to be exposed to this man. Was physical abuse a problem in your marriage? It may not hurt to bring this up with your attorney, I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my kids alone with a rage addict. Maybe you could arrange for supervised visits instead?
Being a Christian does not give people the right to abuse you in any way, and you don't have to stand for it.
2007-01-24 05:57:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I commend you for being christian enough to do that, I personally wouldn't be strong enough to do that, I would be the worst b***h to him. I think you are doing the right thing, kill him with kindness, he obviously is acting like that because he thinks what he did doesn't affect you and you should be miserable, so he wants you to act ugly toward him, he is trying to provoke him. When he yells, talk to him like a child, "Are you ready to talk ?" Put the phone down and ask him in a condescending way, are you finished with your tantrum. That will really get to him. Or you can just ignore him.
2007-01-24 05:52:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex-fiance' left me, two days before our wedding to marry a woman he met off AOL. He pretty much abandoned me and out 9 month old who is now almost 2 in a strange town with no money no food no car. he took everything we had and left me with a $1,000 debt. To this day he talks to me like I kidnapped his son, he flipped out when I filed for child support, and gets mad yells and cusses at me too. We try to talk like friends for our son's sake, but every time he talks to me it seems he's trying to manipulate me. I am also a christian and I find it very hard not to hate him after all he put us through, even abused me, and convinced me I abuse him. I think some men, they just get scared and twist around everything to make themselves feel better. Some guys are very intelligent but just do the dumbest things. It leaves me completely bewildered. I would say the only thing you can do is pray for God to convict his heart, and to give him wisdom. I need to heed my own advice there. I will pray for you and him as well.
2007-01-24 05:41:31 · answer #5 · answered by dragonflykagerou84 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Coals burn on top of his head because he expects you to be nasty and distant.
Your not giving in to the hurt and anger and lashing out at him.
Because you are a Christian, you are trying to accept what has happened and go on with your life in a peaceful way.
If you are able to be kind instead of letting anger consume you, you are blessed.
You will be happier in the end and have less obstacles in your way.
When he yells or calls names, tell him you will no longer tolerate this. Hang up the phone, or dont let him inside when he picks up the kids.
2007-01-24 05:47:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you are trying to be civil with him for the children's sake and inform him that if he will not treat you with respect then all correspondece between the two of you can be done by text messaging or email. Tell him that you will not allow him to speak to you that way, you are the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN.
Personally, I wouldn't even talk to him...I would just email him or text him when I had to contact him, and I'd make him pick my kids up in front of my house and not allow him at my front door. He needs to act appropriately, plain and simple.
As far as his constant anger...he needs therapy, it's not YOUR problem, it's his. Stand firm, don't condone his horrible behavior!
2007-01-24 05:40:46 · answer #7 · answered by thinkpink82981 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same thing. Our divorce is not final yet. He is usually mad because he says he has no money, I guess because of the child support. But, he is living with a girl from his job. They have been living together for over 3 months now.
2007-01-24 05:36:50 · answer #8 · answered by SB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest to just ignore him when he starts to get mad, tell him that his anger is coming out on the wrong person and you will speak to him when he is in a better mood. Just tell him that you don't have the time nor energy to waste on yelling matches.
Show him that you are mature and respectful adult and would like to be treated as such!
2007-01-24 05:40:23 · answer #9 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, hes jealous' but still if he is being like that only time will settle him down and if you cant get along with him then best to avoid him.don;t put your self through that' you did nothing wrong and you do not deserve it.So if and when you have to be around him' kill him with kindness' no matter what' the kinder the better' remember you are nothing like him.
2007-01-24 05:37:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋