How to introduce our children to our trans-gendered friend?

Question

We have a son who will be 4 in April and our daughter will be 2 & ½. A very close friend of ours came out to us a couple years ago that he dresses as a woman and would one day like to be a woman. At that time we said that he could dress however he wanted in front of our children so that they would grow up accustomed to it. Because he wasn’t out to everyone, he didn’t often do this.

Now he is going to come out to everyone this year and has started taking hormones. I expect that we will be seeing him dressed as a woman more and more often especially as he will start to look more and more like a woman as the year progresses.

Here’s my question:

My kids call him Uncle Todd. How do we transition to Auntie Brie without confusing the heck out of them?

I’m not so much worried about what the kids will think about Uncle Todd dressing as a woman because I recognize that they are very accepting and still too young to grasp the difference between girls & boys.

I’m worried that they will get confused when we call Uncle Todd Auntie Brie when they know that that’s Uncle Todd under the wig and make-up.

I also would like to know when a good time is to start the name change, but I think that that is a question more appropriate for my friend to answer.

Answer 1

Perhaps you could start out by calling him Auntie Todd and progress from there. The children won't make a big deal about if *you* don't. They don't need graphic detail, they don't need to be frightened. An adult freind of theirs is changing but he still loves them. Just begin with Auntie Todd go to Auntie Toddy and Auntie Brie isn't far away. the children are very yound. Again, if you don't make a big deal out of it, neither will they. Blessings.

Answer 2

I have worked with children and they are very smart and know a lot more than adults realize they do. First i wouldn't make a uge production about it...because that would make it into a big deal. Have Uncle Todd start dressing as Aunt Brie and explain that Uncle Todd is now Aunt Brie. Let them ask questions because both are at the age where they will voice if something is bothering them. Let them know that this is something Uncle Todd is doing, so they don't feel like they will change genders.
Be accepting to Aunt Brie and always be open with the children.

Hope this helps!

Answer 3

Perhaps you could suggest to the children, that Auntie Brie is Uncle Todd's partner, friend, twin?

If Uncle Todd will no longer be coming by for a visit, well then you may want to introduce Auntie Brie and not mention Uncle Todd. You will however, have to explain one day where exactly Uncle Todd went. By then they may just understand more than you would suspect.

Good luck,

BGA

Answer 4

You are worrying about an adult issue for kids.

Your kids will make the transition fine they do not know that uncle todd is a masculine name. To them it is just a name.
They wont know that aunt Brie is a feminine name. Just have uncle todd tell them he is doing something fun and changing his name ..........period.

The kids will totally accept auntie or unkie which ever and will not know the change is a sex change or a gender change.

My sons were 4 and 6 when I took them and left their mother and they have no memory of her with us... they are adults now.

Your children will only remember aunti brie and I guarantee they will not remember anything about uncle todd.

So like I said in the beginning you are worrying about adult issues and concerns not of children's, they are far more innocent and pure and wont judge or be confused, they will just continue to love unconditionally.

Answer 5

Tell the children that sometimes God makes mistakes and Uncle Todd isn't happy with being a boy because he thinks that God made a mistake and should have made him a girl so he is going to correct the mistake that God made. He is going to be taking special medicine that will make him into a girl and because he will be more of a girl than a boy in time he would really like for them to call him Auntie Brie. You might better have him there to help you with the explaination. Good luck

Answer 6

They are two different people. If uncle Todd wants to be uncle Todd, call him uncle Todd. If aunt Brie comes to visit instead, then aunt Brie visited. I think before you talk to your kids, talk to your friend--"Just who is coming to visit? Decide." If HE is really wanting to be a SHE, then SHE is who you need to be dealing with. I wouldn't tell the "he is dead" thing, but if she shows up, talk to her as her.

[Added] BTW, kids can see and have already made gender generalizations at a surprisingly early age. It was the kind of thing that early shrinks like Freud assigned sexual development steps even into infancy. They will sometimes catch clues that adults often overlook or ignore. Like most of us, they will invent their own answers and explanations, so listen carefully when they speak on it. If answers don't come to them, then they will ask. Don't answer more than you need to though--that will confuse them.

Answer 7

you really dont need to worry when you friend comes round dresed you tell the kids its Aunt Brie their ages are still young and soon they will forget about a Uncle Todd but Aunt Brie must only be used when he's dressed for this will confuse them but kids are resilient and the best bit is when they hear adults who have a negative opinion of your friend he will lready have his cheering squad because at their ages are not bias or cruel their acceptance is a lesson many adults could do with learning
dont make a big deal of it when they ask which they may eventually do tell them uncle todd wasnt happy so he changed to aunt Brie if they ask if your going to change tell them no because daddy has what needs to make him happy two beautiful children
keep your answers short and easy for them to understand

Congratulations on having the foresight of introducing this into your childrens lifes early you will have what this world needs loving understanding children who will not pass on narrowmindedness

Answer 8

Tell them Uncle Todd is now a woman and they should call her Aunt Brie.

Kids aren't stupid even though everything thinks they are. They have the ability to comprehend transformation better than adults (check any fairy tale).

Even 2 year olds understand English. Sick and tired of you people treating them stupid.

shannara: Whatever. Kids don't get confused. Adults (you) get confused.

Answer 9

I don't live in India, but I will say this... Being transgender is very difficult, and very dangerous most of the times. It's something we get killed for being... Why anyone would want to pretend to be transgender just to get money is beyond me, but yes, quite a few transgender people struggle to earn money because they lose jobs or can't afford surgery and hormone treatment. It's very expensive, at least here in the United States. As long as harm isn't being caused, there shouldn't be a problem. I think everyone should have a chance to be happy and healthy, regardless of what people are and aren't "ready for"... If you're not "ready for" it, ignore it; it's not your life on the line.

Answer 10

I think it would be best to have both you and your spouse go to PFLAG meetings and ask people this same question better than I can, as I don't know any transgendered people myself and would rather hand you over to someone else more qualified to answer than I could ever possibly be. They've done a great job helping both transgendered people and their friends with coping with having a transgendered person in their extended family.

And thank you for taking the incredibly brave step to encourage your children to be open-minded towards those with a different gender identity. it gives me faith that you're children Will grow up to be compassionate adults in a world sorely lacking in them.