Is it wrong?

Question

That I don't want to donate Bone Marrow to my dying Father because I think that since it is a painful, invasive procedure, and since he has caused me enough pain in my life: So much so that Im not interested in helping him to live another year (especially not at my expense, ) to go on to cause anyone else any more pain, Is it wrong that I simply don't see the point or the benefit in helping him?

Some people learn by their pain and suffering how they have made others feel... Why would I ease that? The way I see it... A life in pain and suffering in even exchange for another...

What would you do, and do you think I am a monster?

Steven... Still nothing!

hellolost... Yes, I will have no problem living with myself what so ever...

Leo... I never seek approval from anyone to justify my beliefs. I do what I want, when I want. Im just posing the question for curiosity sake more than anything else. I like to gauge my own psyche against others and see who is like me and who is not. Just something going on with me right now and I was curious to see how others felt on the subject. No deep psychoanalysis needed here, as freud and Jung had nothing on me! But thanks!

Steve M.

Thanks for acting as a living example of a fact have quoted, while observing it in people like you, for years...

"There is no sense in being an as*shole if you can't prove it."

Well done! Bravo!

I am a hardcore *****... Thanks for noticing!

Answer 1

Donating bone marrow is extremely painful, probably one of the most painful procedures that they don't knock you out for. I don't blame you for not wanting to help someone who has caused a lot of pain to you. I have people in my family that I wouldn't give anything to, especially not something that is going to cause me pain. I support you in your decision.

Answer 2

You are not a monster. But - what if it weren't your father? What if it was someone that you cared deeply about? Would you do it then? Same pain, same invasive procedure,, different person. If you take the person out of the equation and you think that you would do it for someone you truly love, then you are a wonderful type of person that would help another human being. If that's you, then you might want to help your father regardless of how much you despise him. Not doing it will not make you a monster, but doing it will make you an angel

Answer 3

As everyone grows and changes within their own path in life, each person learns that they have to make the decisions that are best for them; regardless of what opinions others have.

I do not think that you are a monster, I think that you have come to the realization that your choice is for you.

Since you obviously did not have a good relationship with your father your entire lifetime, you do not have to feel obligated to him now. If you felt that the transplant would truly change things for both of you, you would make a different decision.

Think about it in reverse, would he be the one reaching out to help you, if you were ill....???? If he has caused you nothing but pain, I highly doubt it.

It sounds as if he has been a toxic person in your life, and you have learned to deal with it in the best way you can. Best wishes to you.

Answer 4

Think of it this way. Will you be able to live with yourself in the long run for turning away from another human being and letting them die due to the fact you didn't want to suffer short term pain?

I got tested to be able to donate bone marrow to a perfect stranger if it is needed. What are we put on this earth for if not to help others?

(I didn't mean to step on your toes. Just state my opinion. Sorry)

Answer 5

Personally, I do feel it is wrong. Yes, it is hard to want to love someone who hurts you or maybe others, but if you are religious or have good morals whatsoever, then you should learn to love those who hurt you, not hurt them in return. Who knows, maybe he will come out of this as a better person? I don't believe that you are a monster, I simply feel that you have been misguided as to what the appropriate attitude is to have with such a situation. It is all your own decision, hang in there.

Answer 6

From the tone of your question it doesn't seem that you are in any dilemma and asking for help, but that you already decided and simply seek for approval of your decision.

Also appears that not only are you refusing to help him (which in itself is not illegitimate) ,but his suffering is somehow bringing you a just satisfaction: "Some people learn by their pain and suffering how they have made others feel... "
The later is not worthy of approval where I come from...

Answer 7

No, its not wrong. However, its not the best course of action either. In not doing it you are proving that you are not any better than your father.

What kind of person would you like to become? Someone like your father? Or, perhaps a person who is enlightened, wise, and loving. A person with a deep appreciation of herself, and proud of her life. A person who is enlightened with wisdom.. You can be either. That is what this choice is all about. In either case, your choice will stay with you for the rest of your life.

Answer 8

I am 43 yrs. old and my father just died a week ago. he was never there for me in life and then he forsaked me in death and made sure my brother or I got nothing from his estate. He gave it all to his sister. Didnt see him or hear from him for 27 yrs until I sought him out and afforded him the oppertunity to know me, my brother and my son, His olny Grandson, who by the way committed suicide 8 yrs ago. I have been there for him through his battle with lung cancer for the past year and a half, and still he screwed my brother and ME. The man caused me a great deal of pain my whole life and then caused me more pain in his death. If your father is simular to mine he does not deserve ANY consideration. If that is the case I would not consider you a Monster for not helping him.

Answer 9

If you can help him live, do it.

I understand you have been around the bend with him and I am not championing his ill treatment of you in any way. But, you be the bigger person - now you have the chance to show him what he never showed you. Show him you are a better person, despite his cruelty to you. I know you don't have to, but do it anyway.

If you were a monster, you would not be asking this question.

Answer 10

It sounds like your father doesn't have long to live, either way. Think about how you will feel about this decision after he's gone. Which decision do you want to remember, think about, tell the tale of, etc. in the future? Think that all out, and that will tell you what you should do.