I have been in contact with a woman who is still married, they are divorcing, they have spent the last 6 yrs living seperate lives, she fosters and he pretty much has no part of that and his social life is his only importance, i started speaking to her 10 months ago and we just became good friends, i have met her on 2 occasions where we have spent time together and nights, we have just talked and enjoyed each others company and have grown into much more than friends even though we have both chose to not go down the bedroom side of things, we have not made any plans for after her divorce as we feel it is not appropriate at this time however we both feel that something will become of us once we are both in a situation to want it,,, does this sound and is this a really bad thing we are doing ?????
2007-01-24 04:25:07 · 33 answers · asked by JAMIE H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not at all. You are both on the side of caution. It's not a bad thing. She is going through a divorce and that is hard enough. To start something right away would not be right. She needs time to heal. This gives you both more opportunity to get to know each more and build the friendship relationship first. I truly believe that being friends first will strengthen the romantic relationship. Good luck to the both of you
2007-01-24 04:32:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
ou must ask if the separation still had " "Benefits."
Why did it take her so long to get a divorce.
Most time, when it takes ppl that long, it means that there are parts of the marriage that they are still hanging onto.
For example: maybe they have a hard time living together, but maybe they do come together for some emotional and physical time: every now and then.
Maybe there is a financial aspect to it.
I don't know, but I would find out why it has taken her so long to get the divorce.
Make sure that you are not "just something better," so she feels okay divorcing, now that she has something better in her life.
Most men and women do not wait until divorcing in such circumstances: so I commend you.
But, I would not put myself in temptation's way by spending the night (no matter how innocent) with her.
Even if you are not commiting adultery (physically) you need to back off a bit until she actually has the divorce.
Even though she has been separate for six years, that final break is bound to have its emotions and getting use to.
She needs that time alone to get use to this before involving herself into another relationship.
You need to give her time for her to feel her single-ness, before jumping into a relationship with you.
But, be a good friend.
And, you will just have to sait a bit.
Oh, while you are at it,
find out all you can about her previous relationship, if you plan on being in one with her.
But, that will come after the divorce and time has passed.
In rare occasions, a woman changes when she gets a divorce.
(haha)
It is not rare, it happens most of the time.
Just be cautious, as you have been.
2007-01-24 05:01:03 · answer #2 · answered by JAN W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you say you are only friends at the moment regardless of how close. Her husband appears to be only that in paper as you say. If after her divorce you both decide to take the relationship further, then my only concern would be for the children that she fosters. Before you become a permanent fixture in her life, you must ensure that the children will not be emotionally confused by you popping in and out of her life if it is not going to work as usually fostered children are in a sensitive position and do not need to be unbalanced by your relationship. I'm not sure of the legalities of say you living in the same home as the fostered children, without first having the necessary checks. This is something you will have to look into should this arise. I'm quite sure the lady in question would know what to do. Take it slowly as you have but support her in what she's doing. All the best!
2007-01-24 06:00:05 · answer #3 · answered by gypsy girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as she plans to actually divorce, no. They've been separated for 6 years, so it's pretty safe to say they are 'over'. You haven't done anything that 'crosses the line' here, so I think you're in the clear.
I just got my divorce finalized yesterday, and was physically separated for 5 months before it was complete (the marriage was over for years). A month ago, I began hanging out with a friend (single male) and we have had many a night sleeping in each others arms, but NO sex, no kissing, nothing in *that* way, just cuddling and enjoying each others company.
Now, I will be going out with him later this week, and this will be the first time I've seen him since the divorce was final, so things may change in the sex department for us...
2007-01-24 04:35:47 · answer #4 · answered by o b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on your morals I guess... My personal stand that it is wrong to break a promise. When I enter a committed realtionship, I make a promise to my mate; when I exit a committed relationship, all the promises are null and void. The legal status of the relationship plays no role in my moral philosophy - only what kind of promise I am bound by. Sounds to me like this woman is just waiting on a formality (the divorce to be legally finalized) - I don't see how this formality has any bearing on morals at all. Get the stick out of your behind, and enjoy life. Good luck.
2007-01-24 04:43:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She pretty much is divorced, just not on paper. It doesn't sound like they could be anymore not-a-couple!! I think its great that you have found each other and are not rushing into a physical relationship and that your taking your relationship slowly. Its not morally wrong, your both being respectful of the fact that by name she is still married. Good luck in your relationship, i hope it continues to grow!!
2007-01-24 04:43:46 · answer #6 · answered by keeley 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like they are still living together. If so, are they really divorcing or is she looking for some excitement in her life?
Watch your heart. I have a friend who has done this 'game' up to an including getting men to divorce their wives...shes been doing this for over 15 years...its sad and its wrong for her. She is damaging other peoples lives.
If she is still living with him, still sharing the financial, 6 years is PLENTY time to get her life together and get on her own. Sounds like she wants to straddle the fence. Let he climb down one side or the other before you get too deep and get hurt.
2007-01-24 04:35:03 · answer #7 · answered by whoknowsanymore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. If they have been living apart for 6 years, then she is available. Not completely since the divorce isn't finalized, but in every other aspect she is single. Waiting for the divorce is just a technicality.
2007-01-24 04:40:37 · answer #8 · answered by blueidgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok most of the details you wrote are insignificant though they may make you feel justified.
The fact of the matter is THEY ARE STILL MARRIED!
This is the ONLY important detail you have given.
I find it real hard to believe they have been separated for 6 years and no one has bothered to get divorced.
I am sorry but I smell something bad.
My advice is back off, fill your life as best you can and if in the future she decides to finally divorce this man then you can pursue a relationship.
Until you are a distraction at best...the 'Other Guy' at worst.
But for now whether you are having sex or not, you are still involved with a married woman.
PERIOD
2007-01-24 04:35:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Jamie, why would it be morally wrong?
Obviously the marriage is over; Now it's true that it's not a healthy situation. I mean they should start afresh and under different roofs for a start.
That would make you feel much better understandably and as for your friend, she would feel free to see where this relation might lead with no pressure.
Good luck.
You've done nothing wrong.
2007-01-24 05:51:52 · answer #10 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋