Can a married woman have male friends?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 14 years. I trust her but don't want to be taken for a fool. Last summer I found out that she has a male friend from work. She has had many male friends and I've had no problem with it because I trust her. The way I see it if she wants some other guy then she could tell me and I would move on. With that philosophy, I've never really been a jealous person. The friend she has now though she won't tell me who he is. She absolutely refuses. If I say something about meeting him, she get's defensive and says that I will make trouble ( I won't ). Last night she got frustrated with the children and said she was going to see one of her female friends. I got nosy and noticed on her cell that she called this guys number 10 minutes after she left home. Should I be upset or just stick with my philosophy? I know that some people will say I need to talk to her about this but she'll just get defensive and we will end up fighting about it.

Answer 1

A married woman can have male friends. In your situation, I think there's more to it than what she's telling you.

I have a friend that I've known since 7th grade. We dated very briefly in college, but have remained true friends over the years. He was one of the first people to meet my husband. We go to dinner with our spouses, and without them. They are very trusting of us because we don't give them any reason not to. We have nothing to hide. Since we've both had sucky relationships in the past, we're truly happy that things have worked out for us in our marriages.

If this man is really a friend, then she should be able to invite him to your home for dinner, you should be able to go out with him socially...there shouldn't be anything to hide. The fact that she's being so defensive and lied to you concerning her whereabouts, indicates that something else is going on.

You should sit and talk with her. Tell her you're not trying to pick a fight with her, you're just trying to understand. Ask her to put herself in your shoes and consider how she might feel if the situation were reversed. Above all else, let her know that you don't want this to become more of an issue in your marriage than what it has and ask if she's willing to go to a counselor with you. She shouldn't have any problem with your suggestion and your desire to work things out. If she does, then you should see a counselor on your own to help you deal with this situation.

Answer 2

Hi! sorry to hear whats going on but it sounds to me that your philosophy is more of denial.You wouldn't want to think that someone u love would do such a thing but it happens and if u stick to your philosophy u will end up getting hurt.If she gets defencive it's most likely because she is hiding something.As a married couple this is where communication starts and needs to be done and if she is not willing to tell u her husband who she is hanging with n has nothing to hide then u should know everyone she has as a friend.The men should b mutual friends cuz honestly I have many men as friends but I am sure that they all have some sort of feeling that they would hope to b more then friends and throughout my life there has only been 1 man who is truly a friend and nothing more.I would ask her again n tell her u feel there is something else.Tell her u don't want to go behind her back to find things out that u would rather her tell u.U r her husband and these r things that should be discussed and if there not or she is afraid to talk to u then possibly suggest counselling.As long as she is wanting to stay with u.U r doing your part n she needs to do hers.No matter what she is doing or has done u both can get over it forgive and get help if your going to stay together cuz it helps sometimes to have a mediator to help put things in perspective.Well I hope it all works out for u 2.

Answer 3

Everything your have just said is a telltale sign that you really are jealous and insecure about your relationship! You insist that you trust her but yet you couldn't help 'noticing' some things on her cell phone. Considering the facts that you're not jealous and that you trust her, why would you get nosy and look at her caller ID? See where I'm going with this? You need to sort things out in your own mind and heart before making any prejudiced demands of your wife.

Many women have male friends with no negative effects to herself and others but many others have these 'male' friends that lead to nothing but sex and the eventual destruction of a relationship. If this is something that is really bothering you, you should confront your wife and get to know who this male friend is. It is not only your right to know but your responsibility and obligation as a husband. Get to the bottom of this before it gets out of hand. If your approaches usually end up in loud, aggressive discussions there is more to this than meets the eye!

Answer 4

It looks like I am one of the few who thinks a married woman has no business spending time alone with a male friend. The same holds true for a married man spending time alone with a female friend. No matter how much trust you have, this is a threat to your marriage, and should not be tolerated. The fact that she lied about who she was going to see, and won't tell you who he is should be a giant red flag waving in your face. Your philosophy is allowing your wife to undermine your marriage. Don't be afraid of causing a fight. You need to know what's going on - especially if you and your wife are sexually active. You have a family to raise, and putting your head in the sand could be fatal, if your wife brings home a disease.

Answer 5

I don't see anything wrong with a married women having male friends BUT if you ask her questions and its innocent then she should be able to answer honestly. Whats making me wonder if something else is going on is the secrecy she is showing with you..I think you should just go to her and ask her if anything is going on in a nice calm way and let her know that everything will be fine and if she wants to move on then its her choice, but you deserve to know the truth. You guys could also go to counseling and see if this might make her come out with some honesty..if its all innocent and he is just a friend then you dont have anything to worry about, but your her husband first and foremost and she made promises to you and being honest was one of them..and even if nothing is going on, you have a right to your opinion and she should listen to what you have to say. Good luck!

Answer 6

You can still stick with your philosphy, but you need to hold her accountable for her actions. Why is she hiding who this person is? Maybe a boss of her's or someone that she likes a little more than for just a friend. I think she needs to respect that you are so trusting and understand where you're coming from in asking. My husband to is very trusting and if I did have a guy friend he would know everything, as it is a mutual trusting relationship.I don't happen to believe that there should be such friends as I had them when I was just dating only to find that the supposed friend always turned our having more on his mind than friendship.

Answer 7

I like your philosophy, it sounds very much like my own. As a female, I can tell you that if she has never acted this way before with a male friend, then unfortunately she probably does have some kind of attraction to him, whether or not she has already acted upon it. I can't really suggest anything other than let it takes its course. If you try to force information out of her, or find it yourself and blow up on her, things can end badly. Really the only way I can think of that would be a little outrageous but might work, would be to tell her you know about it, and tell her that if that is what she wants that she can do it. This will remove the forbidden feel to it, and might make her think about what she's doing now that it's not as exciting. Hope it helped a little.

Answer 8

Her defensive nature is definitely a red flag that she has some sort of special sense for this "man who shall not be revealed." I cannot say if she is or isn't loyal to you, but I will say that finding a loyal female is difficult. I'm not sure if it is because of a woman's whimsical nature or because of the very fact that we seem too simple to their multicircuited brains.

Women by the very engineering of their brains are excellent at multi-tasking. Obviously, in relationships and interaction with men, that can lead to problems. I think that is why female actresses are so good at having multiple love scenes with many different male actors.

It doesn't help that men are easily seduced by the feminine seductiveness.

Although you claim to not be the jealous type, you must ask yourself if you would be ok being a cuckold (a man whose wife is promiscuous). This very question will help you understand what it is you actually want in your relationship with your wife.

If you can love her despite the possibility of her swanking around with other men, then, I wouldn't be suspicious anymore and give her the freedom to act on her own will regarding this matter and trust that despite her actions, she does in fact, have a compartment in her mind that is dedicated to loving you.

Answer 9

I don't think there is nothing wrong with a married woman having male friends as long as they are just that friends. Now when you don't want to tell who this friend is......now that could be a problem and it leaves room for suspicion. Now if she had male friends before you married and are still close to them that's one thing but picking up new male friends along the way......well that something else. I would talk to her about it unless for some reason this new male friend is perhaps her boss. I don't know what to tell you other than talk to her and demand to know the truth about this new friend. Good luck.

Answer 10

She thinks that you are don't trust her- her integrity. Maybe she's cheating. Go calm ask say there something we need to talk about , be nice! I know your frustrated. And say something like if we don't talk about it know I believe we are going to be at end or something you feel is appropriate. And yes it's okay, some women have them before you. There good (men friends) for when you don't know what to get a guy for a present. It's not like for women.