Crazy Mother-in-laws?

Question

My husband & I have been married for 2 1/2 yrs. We're expecting a baby in 4 mths. My mother-in-law constantly talks bad about me 2everybody but acts really sweet 2my face. She lives in a really small town, where i went 2highschool, so u hear everything that is being said. I've tried 2casually talk 2her w/out accusing her of anything but she just makes it look like she doesnt know what i'm talking about. She is always trying 2make me look bad -says that i don't clean, cook, or nething else ... that my husband has 2do all the work, which isn't true. She says very hurtful things (like i purposely got pregnant so that my husband would be stuck with me --which isnt true, we have a solid marriage &were very much in love)I have kept my mouth closed 4over 2yrs &i'm tired of always getting ran over. My husband is very passive & won't say nething but i think it's time 2tell her what i think. My problem is I don't know what 2do & I'm so upset that i don't think i can say it nice. What do i do?

Answer 1

She's probably jealous, and your husband is afraid to confront his mother even though he should defend you to her. You should convince him that he should defend you to his mother and request that she not make bad comments about you. If you talk with her do your best to be nice, even though you have a right to be ugly to her. I think the job of talking to her is your husband's.

Answer 2

If you have been married for 2 1/2 years, I don't see how she can say you got pregnant to trap him. That's an old idea that simply isn't true today. I think she is just jealous because her son loves you and shows it by helping you with the housework, something she probably didn't have when she was pregnant. She needs to realize that you are part of the family now, you are her son's wife and her grandchild's mother. I think she has very old fashioned ideas that are getting in the way of you two becoming friends and family. All you can do is try to talk to her before the baby gets here and try to make her understand that you want a good relationship for the baby's sake and that means she will have to stop being so negative about you (when she is around everyone else).

Answer 3

Wow I sure hear you I had a very similar situation. There is no real easy way out of this one. If you would confront her I can assure that there would not be any change in her behaviour. That is who she is. The bonus for you is that everyone else knows who she is as well. I always felt like I had to go behind my ex Mother in law and set the record straiGHT. In the end I found out that she was very well known as a mean gossiper and liar and that very few people ever even listened to her. I would suggest that you keep that in mind as time goes on. People can see that your husband is in love with you regardless of what she says. For Hubby I am sure that it would be great if he would stand up to her however it would not change anything any ways. My ex did finally stand up to her but nothing stopped. Just keep inmind that you are from a very small town and all those people know you as well. Just keep looking forward with a smile for the wonderful journey you and your hubbyt are about to embark on with the birth of your 1 st child. Beleive she is not all that important one way or the other. But I would also suggest this to you when people cpome to repeat things she has said just ask them not. Explain to them that it is hurtful to you and because it is not true you would rather not hear it. Believe this was one of the best things I ever did. Eventually they will not bring it back to you and believe me in some cases ignorance is bliss! Good luck and god speed

Answer 4

You need to sit down and have a talk with your husband. This has gone on too long. It is his responsibility because he's the reason she's involved in your life. Ask him if he would allow his mom to badmouth you in front of your child. What about when baby becomes a little toddler, and starts to repeat things and ask questions? Anyways, if he doesn't do anything about this, just think if it as a glimpse into your future with him and mom, because that is what life is going to be like.

If you say anything to her, then you'll be seen as the bad guy. You'll be right where she wants you- ready to attack her (for no *apparent* reason) which gives her even more ammo- and she could be mean to your face after that. So if you do attempt this, get a person who she has said these things to, if possible, and call her out on it. Tell her you're tired of being slandered, and that you expect the grandmother of your child to present herself as a role model- not a mean-spirited, spiteful, gossip. Tell her that you do not want your child to turn out like that, so you'll be limiting baby's contact with anyone who posesses those traits. Afterall, you must do what's best for baby.

Answer 5

It sounds like she doesn't have a life other than you and her son. She needs to have friends her own age she can do things with during the day. Maybe a hobby to keep her busy. Right now you and your fiancee are her hobby. It doesn't help that she lives right across the steet either. Why DO you live across the street from her anyway? You really need some space between you, because she doen't have the opportunity to cut the "strings" from her son. In my first marriage, I had some problems with my mother-in-law, but in my second marriage, my mother-in-law lived several hundred miles away. YOur fiancee will always be her little boy as long as she is allowed to treat him and you like children.

Answer 6

Maybe just sit down with her over coffee or lunch and say that there was something you have been meaning to discuss with her. Tell her that you ran into so and so and they happened to mention that your mother in law has been saying things about you. Tell her that you wanted to clear things up since this is causing you undo stress and isn't good for the baby. Inform her that you and your husband are very much in love and that you both wanted to have this baby and that you appreciate your husband pitching in to help while your pregnant. Ask her if she has any quams with regard to you, that you would like to clear the air before the baby arrives.

Answer 7

I have the same situation with my mother in law. Sweet as honey to my face, but rips me apart behind my back. For a time I HATED my sister in law because she was constantly saying that she said stuff about me. Then, one night we got together with my sister in law and it all came out. How she would say one thing, my mother in law would totally twist it, and tell me something else. Now that we know how she is, we get along much better. She sees my best friend a lot, and will say little comments that she knows are going to get to me. Like it was about time I got off my lazy *ss and potty trained my daughter. (we trained her for a really long time, she was hard to train) and that we are so poor because we can't afford material things. It pisses me off, ut I just keep my mouth shut. It gives me satisfaction when I meet her friends and I am so nice, the wonder if my mother in law is serious, or just full of bull*hit. Keep your comments to yourself, it's really not worth it. She'll get what's coming to her.

Answer 8

the ROCK says....he is only here to try & bring some humor! But you Q-realyy struck him deep....as for I can say this...dont ever attack the Mom by words...blood is thicker than water..always remember that...as a man your husband mist stand up for you towards his Mom & not be passive!! I think he might have a finger in the pie 'complianing' to his mom!? You should sit him down & have a big talk to him ...should he stay passive...then get on your backfeet & tell his mom how you feel! Try & clear it up with hubby there.....if that dont work...the rock says...you are nobody's door matt to wipe their feet on!!! The rock wish you well!!

Answer 9

Your mother-in-law is just like mine. She told my wife with each kid to abort it, that my wedding day was the worst day of her life, and aways threatened child services on me....all in all a real *****. The only reason I did not tell her off sooner is she was paying for my wife's college. But now if she says anything to me or my wife to us or behind our backs I let her have it...I totally agree with your hubby tell her off. Stay away from her when possible. But tell her to stop trying to ruin your life. Being that it is not your Mom, run things by your man first and talk to him about what you are going to say before you do it(if at all possible). Try not to just blow up.

Answer 10

Tell hear to mind her on business, you had enough and just won't put up
with her abuse any longer. Tell her if she won't see things eye to eye with
you you can disappear with your husband and child.
Where is your Father-in-law?
Your Mother-in-law needs to get a life.
Finally; No matter what you say or do it might not work, so go into combat
mode and be ruthless and tactful, expose her mean side while staying
Innocent.