Would you consider this behavior to be bullying?

Question

I feel this behavior is unacceptable ... Is parent/teacher intervention a good idea @ this point?
My daughter is a HS senior. She's been friends w/ Ashley since the 1st day of HS. Ash can be a nice friend at times, but has self-admitted control issues.

My daughter is a shy,nice girl & pretty. She gets good grades, her gpa is 3.5-4.0. She has had health issues & is on anti-depressants (which Ash knows).

Last night, pretty much out of the blue, my daughter got a mean text from 2 of Ashley's other friends ... obviously the 3 girls have been gossiping & trash talking my daughter.

Here's the text, is it harrassment? bullying? I talked to 1 of the girls who feels she's done nothing wrong, I believe there are jealousy issues.
I edited bad words:
"Why do u always treat ashley like s**t & then still have the nerve to call her a poor friend? If anything ur the sh**ty one and u always made her life miserable but she never told u that because she actually has a conscience! ...

Me & emalie always heard it because we actually care about how she feels and were her real friends that wont use her to benefit ourselves and then kick her to the curb! Just because u didn't get what u wanted u have to through a fit! GROW THE **** UP! By the way don't kiss her *** to be her friend because u suck her dry!! U calling the friendship off is the best thing u have done for that friendship! Hopefully u will see how much ashley did for u once she is out of ur life. Good luck. SINCERELY! Nancy & Emalie Just to let u know, ashley had nothing to do with this txt so if u have anything else to say, don't take it out on her! FYI : ur a sucky person!"

BTW, the part about my daughter using Ash & kicking her to the curb is actually what I've observed Ash do to my daughter every time a new friend enters the scene.

Two good answers, and both right on & make good points ... I don't know how to choose a "best" because both are good & should both be voted "bests", THANKS!

I did talk to one of the mom's, & now I further understand why the daughter is the way she is! We are walking away, not worth our time, but if any further bullying happens, I'll have to figure out what next.

I heard that Dr. Phil had a segment on today (1/23/07) about bullies, & said something to the fact that those who see what's going on & stand by doing nothing to help or stop it are as bad as the bullies ... hmmm, something to think about ... I'm glad I at least brought the incident to the parent's attn, and also communicated w/ the "mean" girls ... maybe it will sink in and they will feel remorse and apologize at some point in the future.

Answer 1

This is definately bullying and if the harrassment keeps up I do suggest contacting the parents and showing them what they have written. In the teenage scene what ash is doing to your daughter would be described as "two-faced" In their txt's and e-mails the fact that they have said Ash has nothing to do with it, usually means the complete opposite and that she does have something do with it. There are lot of teenage girls that no matter how close they are to somone they will treat their friends like accsessories and go from one to the other whenever it is convienent for them. I think they are treating your daughter very badly, and if this sort of thing has happened in the past than their friendship should no longer continue I should say, talk to your daughter and tell her that she can find real friends out there that won't play around with her head.

Answer 2

I would chalk that up to pettiness and jealousy. Live and learn.
As much as it hurts her feelings she is better off without that " friend ".

People come and go in our lives for a reason. Sometimes, as much as it hurts, it is better to walk away and not try to reason " what went wrong " " what have I done ".
Just remember to treat people as you want to be treated and don't expect them to treat you that way in return because we are only responsible for ourselves. So, no matter how nice we are we will all ulitmately be treated poorly at some point in our lives and I think these girls just need time to mature and they will learn to be better friends themselves.

Maturity is when you walk away from the gossip and backstabbing ( even when it involves a friend ) and conduct yourself in a positive way. So your daughter needs to (1) refuse to get into this with those girls (2) refuse to discuss it with anyone who would like to put in their 2 cents worth (3) continue to conduct herself in a mature fashion and focus on her academics

High school is too short to let them make it miserable and if they are the only ones discussing the problem then it sheds a whole new light on them. Most people will see them for what they are- it is only a matter of time.