Your spouse of many years has terminal cancer, you don't love him (he creates marital problems) - would you..?

Question

a) move out, b) stay with him, c) have an affair, d) divorce him, e) cry a lot OR f) how would you handle this situation? Stressful!!!

Answer 1

the best way to answer you is to put yourself in his shoe, if it was you, how would you feel over your terminal sickness, your husband leaving you to die alone! or just move out and have an affair, or just sitting in front of you crying his eyes out for being there...
non of those are appropriate answers!
stay, be the better person, i promise you you will be reworded later... you know what goes around comes around ...
after he's gone, you will have your fair chance in life...
wish you the best,
good luck.

Answer 2

I am truly sorry for your situation. I cannot answer how you should handle it...that comes down to your personal views on life and what's important. I would think that at one time you loved him and swore before whatever god you believed in that you would be together forever. You did not have the courage to leave before the illness although there were problems. And now here you are...feeling trapped. If you are a selfish person then the answer is easy. You divorce him, move out and start a new life. If you are feeling like it would haunt you to do so then you stay with him. Either way you will cry alot.

The fact that you are thinking about having an affair is concerning. I mean the guy is on his death march and you are talking about getting laid on the side. If you really feel that strongly about it you obviously need to sit down with him and show him this question you typed to Yahoo Answers...see what he thinks. You OWE him at least the truth. Have some respect for a man who is facing his end. But don't hold ANYTHING back...let him know EXACTLY how you feel, he may surprise you....or he may make it easier for you to leave.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

I am sorry 2 hear that ur husband has t/c but misery loves company and that is probably what is happening 2 ur relationship right now. He is so miserable that he wants everybody 2 b miserable. U need 2 talk 2 him and tell him how u feel and if he is not willing 2 change or understand u then tell him u r leaving. I know it's hard 4 him but he has 2 enjoy life until the very end. No one lives 4 ever but we have 2 make the best out of it regardless of what we go through. I know it sounds cruel 4 me 2 say leave him but he has no rights 2 treat u like if u gave him the cancer and it's not ur fault. So good luck and i know it won't b easy but stay strong. I know u took a vow 2 b with him in sickness and in health but u did not take a vow that he would make u feel the way u r feeling right now. The love is gone and maybe its because of the way he is acting towards u.

Answer 4

I'm sorry that you are in such a delicate situation. However, you did promise to stay with this man though sickness and in health. This is when he needs you the most. Having an affair will not only be kicking a man while he is down, but it will cause you a lot of guilt after he passes. This situation is bound to cause stress, but God does not give you more than you can handle. There must have been something that you loved about him at one point in time or you wouldn't have married. Would you want to be abandoned if you were in his shoes?

Answer 5

Everyone who said you made a vow is correct. If you had cancer would you want to spend your final days alone. You said you married him many years ago....why do you feel like now that he is ill it is okay to contemplate leaving? Do you have children? Why don't you look past the problems you are having now and try remembering why you fell in love with him in the first place, why you married him all those years ago. Maybe you are wanting out because you still love him and leaving before he dies would be harder then watching him die. I hope that is why...but it still would be wrong, and then you would live with the regret that you wasted whatever time you had left. Breakout the photo albums of your happier days, recall the days when you made each other laugh...remember when he dies you are starting a new life, his days with you in the here and now are the only ones he has left. Help him make the most of his time left here.

Answer 6

Pleeeese what ever you do, do NOT have an affair. It will completely cloud your mind. Been there. That will cause problems in your life that you never dreamed of. If he is terminal ,well then all you need to do is wait. Maybe this is what God wants you to do. Maybe patience isn't one of your strengths. In the meantime ,start to pray if you don't. Who knows it might help. Try and be nice and turn the other cheek. I would be sure that the diagnosis is correct. Find out how long it will be . I know this sounds cruel but it is very logical. You have stuck it out this long what's a little longer... Good luck and I will say a prayer for you.

Answer 7

My husband was in this situation. He and his first wife were NOT happily married at all. They talked divorce, but before they could do anything about it, she became terminally ill.

MY husband stayed married--he had kids to think about (including her daughters) and she has no medical insurance, couldnt/wouldn't work, etc. He told me once he knew that there would be an end, so he stuck it out. "til death do us part."

The guilt. I cannot see leaving your spouse even if there are issues if they are already dying. The guilt you would end up with is not worth it. Be supportive of him, but at the same time, you can start having more of your own life. This is what my husband did, making him able to move on and remarry rather quickly. (within a year of her death)

Good luck--email me if you want more info.

Answer 8

It depends on what marital problems he creates? If he's cheating then I would probally move out. If he's being difficult or just acting like a jerk, I would give him the benefit of the doubt and realize he's just releasing stress and can do it around me because he knows I understand. When someone is in pain sometimes they just cant help being a little edgy and not like their old selves.

Good Luck, remember your actions towards him now you'll have to live with for the rest of YOUR life. So I would take that in consideration. You cant take back how you treated him in his last days. Sorry this has got to be so hard for you, you loved him at one time and even if your not in love with him now, you must still care for him.

Answer 9

Wow that's tough... first of all definately cry a lot!

In the end, no matter what you do you have to live with yourself and the rest of your family.

For your own good (and his too) I think you need to make peace with him. If you don't have that, none of the other options are going to be beneficial in the long term cause you'll keep carrying him around long after he is gone.

Then make your decision...many years of hurt and resentment are not the best way to decide.

My suggestion is for you to get away somewhere alone for a week or weekend & work this stuff out.

Answer 10

is that fact that you don't love him because he is now a burden? I would think back to why I fell in love with him and the good times we had. He is only going to be around for a short time so you should stay and make what time he has memorable. How would you feel if one of your last memories here on earth was that of your spouse divorcing you?
Once he's gone and you feel ready then go on with your life remember you will be here long after he is gone. A little patience and caring is not going to ruin the rest of your life. what comes around goes around