My husband told me last night he would drive me to work today because he needed the car. (we share a car..) I asked what he had to do today, and he said he needed to go sign paperwork for the loan he applied for at the bank on his lunchbreak. I asked him if he had already received his loan and he denied it three times saying there was still paperwork to be done and that's why he needed the car. (We don't share bank accounts..)
Well the problem with his story is that I already know that he received the loan..but he doesn't know I know his passwords to check on his account. So what do I do? It is not that I am trying to prevent him from using the car, but I am now very suspicious. Advice, please?
2007-01-24 03:03:11 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
PS..we each have access to each other's accounts. but he changed his password on his without telling me and I had to sleuth to figure it out. I am wondering why he changed the password to begin with since we have always been open before about our funds. Plus the loan is for a joint purchase we will both be paying for.
2007-01-24 03:14:31 · update #1
well, is all snooping is going to do is make you look for something that is not necessary. It would be hard to tell him why you know. You COULD tell him that he accidentally left the computer logged on to his account on the screen and that you had seen where he had already gotten it. Call him out on it. It could be something big, then again he may just be trying to surprise you with something. OR he may just be being a man and being selfish with the car. Either way he shouldn't have lied to you. Dig deeper into it and find out what's going on. What is the loan for? He may be getting you a present or a new car possibly??
BTW........to your add on.....I WOULD BE PISSED!! He is sneaking behind your back. If you would have told that part to begin with I would have had a completely different answer. If he changed his password then hell yeah he would know that I figured out what it was ESPECIALLY if I was paying for it too! Find out what the hell is going on!
2007-01-24 03:09:10 · answer #1 · answered by TNL 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Looks like there are lies, deceit, and a lack of trust on both sides.
My first comment - DON'T HAVE KIDS TOGETHER. At least until you resolve this, and you trust each other.
That may seem like a "DUH!" piece of advice, but this marriage is in trouble, and possibly heading for a divorce. If you don't have kids, that makes things much simpler. If you do, a divorce makes much more likely that they're in for a hard life. And it's always easy to kiss and make up, but that kiss can lead to the bedroom. Also, sometimes the woman may think that having a kid will help tie the couple together. Sorry, it doesn't work that way all the time. But it's the kid that suffers the most when the marriage fails. So cross your legs, or use 2-3 different forms of protection.
If you do have kids, you need to work harder than ever to resolve this. Get things out in the open - admit what you've done, tell him what you know, and clear the air. You may still be in trouble, but at least you don't have to hid what you know. And then get marriage counseling.
2007-01-24 03:12:40 · answer #2 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do for a relationship is being open and honest. Even if he's not, you have to at least do what you can. Confront him. Tell him the truth, that you know his password and know he has the loan already. Without truth there is just going to be more drama and complications. Try to make it as simple as possible and get a direct answer from him.
Good luck!
2007-01-24 03:07:56 · answer #3 · answered by Celestite 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think a lot of you are missing the bigger issue. If you do not share the accounts, quit snooping around on his account. I can guarantee if he was doing that on you account, you would be raising h*ll about it. If you two decide not to share an account, than have enough courtesy to stay out of his business.
Second, sometime loans are given, money deposited, and papework still needs to be filed, signed, copied, etc. Did you ask him why he had the loan but still needed to sign papers? Oh, that's right, you couldn't, then you would have been busted.
***Hey Diabolikal***
What's the line on how long they last, and how can I get in on that action?
2007-01-24 03:20:12 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible that he is trying to suprise you with something. I would sit back and see what transpires over the next week or so. My opinion is that you are worrying about nothing. And there may actually be something tha needs to be done at the bank in reference to the loan and the actual file papers need to be signed and put into his file. Also it is a good idea in the near future to let him know that you have access to his account info, you would want to know if he had the same information on yours, right? Honesty is the best policy. Talk to him.
2007-01-24 03:08:40 · answer #5 · answered by TXVyper 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Confront him and work it out. Otherwise you will be suspicious of him forever. Also, share accounts. That should be ok for a married couple to both know about all of their finances together. That will avoid any future problems. If this cannot be resolved then you need to evaluate whether you can stay with someone you do not trust. I know your situation - I am in a relationship with someone I don't trust, and wonder often if I should have ended it long ago when I first sensed it.
2007-01-24 03:07:47 · answer #6 · answered by Steven D 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you let him know that you are aware of the fact that he already received the loan, because you know his password, and to explain himself RIGHT NOW! lol, but seriously. Even though he may be mad about you knowing the password, it's worth seeing what he comes up with if he's really lying. Ugh, I really hope you're just being paranoid, it's the worst feeling in the world being cheated on, and especially when your man completely denies it...good luck to you :(
2007-01-24 03:08:44 · answer #7 · answered by xoxo_sexy_biatch_xoxo 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Clean out his account and don't let him know that you have his money then get a lawyer and serve him with a divorce. it sounds like he is getting ready to do something stupid. why did he need the loan in the first place and what couple do-sent go to the bank to get the loan together no something is up.
You need to make the first strike to ensure you now what is up. and yes it is going to hurt but you have to do what is best for you.
2007-01-24 03:51:42 · answer #8 · answered by Chris D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's up to something. But before you get all bent out of shape...maybe it's something for you. Don't know why he took out a loan - but you never know. Maybe he is buying you a new car...? Since you share one. I would be suspeicious too but wait it out until you know for sure.
Good luck...when you don't trust someone...it's not good. Try and keep a positive outook on things. If you don't see anything good happen aftertoday...then snoop! I know I would.
2007-01-24 03:14:49 · answer #9 · answered by Michele K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. I think your being just a little to suspicious. Could be he wants to buy you something on his lunch break! Or has he done something to make you feel this way in the past? Wait for a day or so he will have to fess up about the loan soon. Don't sweat it just yet!
2007-01-24 03:12:26 · answer #10 · answered by classyladyonly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋