If you don't get along with your ex who is also the parent of your child, what can you do to improve the situation? Say you want to improve the relationship, because this person is going to be in your life for a long time. If the other person is very negative and does not try to get along with you, what can you do to get along better with them? In my case, the other parent has stated that things will never change and the conflict will never end. Can change on one side improve the overall relationship? What can you do to change things for the better if the other person won't cooperate?
2007-01-24 02:58:52 · 19 answers · asked by 12879 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I really want things to change because the stress in this relationship is too much for me and I'm sure it's also bad for the kids. I just don't know what to do if the other person doesn't care if things get better or not, and doesn't seem to even want to try.
2007-01-24 03:01:34 · update #1
if you where able to change it - he wouldn't be your ex
2007-01-24 03:10:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunetly, you are fighting a never ending battle - it's likely never going to change. First thing: realize that, and know you are fighting a battle, keep your wits about you at all times, and try very hard NOT to stoop to this level. Look deep inside and find inner strength to be a better person, and always kill with kindness - always - it's not going to be easy, but eventually, it will help you deal with this. Try not to be negative in anyway in front of the children, and if there's a confrontation in front of them, steer the conversation to another direction, or remove yourself completely - telling the other person that you don't want to do this in front of the kids - if there are witnesses that are impartial all the better, if it happens too often, and too many folks see, then it might need to be a battle for the courts. Just keep your chin up and by all means, keep the kids' best interests in mind at all times - that will help you get through, you know it's important for them to have a relationhip with the other person, and therefore that will help you get through and deal better. Good luck, it's not easy, but it's also not all your fault, just keep trying that's all you can do.
2007-01-24 03:11:19 · answer #2 · answered by are_see_bee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the hard part i sthat you cannot make the other person want to get along or be positive in the realtionship just becasue there are children involved. I know it is the best thing to do, but sometimes others are selfish, and it sounds like he is so bitter towards you that he does not care how it affects you or the kids. If I were you, I would just keep trucking along, being sweet as pie to him and never say anything negative to your children about him...they will remeber this forever, and they will know how your ex is behaving. Anyway, to keep your sanity, you may just want to discuss business and that is it...run your relationship like a business. Good luck.
2007-01-24 03:06:39 · answer #3 · answered by jrhod263 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing that you can do is let the other person know that "this is no longer about us" it is about the child only. When the two of you both realize that it is only about the child will things get better and actually if you keep the focus on just that aspect of it you may even actually get along with each other. You will have a common positive goal to work with.
2007-01-24 03:03:47 · answer #4 · answered by TXVyper 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your frustration but unfortunately, you can only change yourself and point out what you will not entertain to your ex. I can imagine that you feel caught between because children are involved but rest assured they will reach an understanding of their own about the situation soon. I would spend as little time as possible with your ex and make a conscious effort to stay civil in their presence for the children's' sake. Do not be drawn into a battle of wills or get tempted to badmouth your ex as this is the only thing that will alienate your children from you. Yes. It is easier said than done but where there is a will you'll find a way. Best of luck.
2007-01-24 03:16:18 · answer #5 · answered by kahahius 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to change a person who don't want to change. You keep being you. Maybe in time he/she will be more mature about the situation. It's best for the child if both parents are on one accord. But the if the other person refuses at least you know in your heart you tried and that's all you can do.
2007-01-24 03:05:18 · answer #6 · answered by momseekinganswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let your ex know that the two of you need to be civil for your child. What ever problems you two had need to be put in the past and the focus needs to be on the two of you being the best parents to your child. Let him know that the only person his will be hurting with his attitude is the child. If he refuses to be civil for your child, then God bless you because it is going to be very difficult for you and your child. Just be as civil as you can be and don't speak badly of him in front of your child. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this and I hope that things get better. Do you have a decent relationship with his parents? If so, maybe you could appeal to them to intervene. Ask them to talk to him about his behavior because of the negative effects it could have on your child. I'm sure that they want what is best for their grandchild and will want to do the right thing. Good luck!
2007-01-27 20:40:16 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is to not react when he is saying negative things, maybe try to take a class. I just took a class yesterday called parenting after separation. It teaches you some tools in how to properly deal with issues like this one. Of course, you can't change him, and if he isn't willing to try to communicate with you as an adult, still take the higher road.
2007-01-24 03:12:25 · answer #8 · answered by Bridgette B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't change him or his behavior, but you are doing the right thing by trying to take the high road and lead by the example that you want him to follow and maybe, just maybe, he will grow up, be a man, and follow that lead for the sake of the child.
2007-01-24 03:06:11 · answer #9 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, Stay as pleasant as you can on your side. Do not bad mouth your X to the child. You cannot make your X change if he is unwilling. I know how you feel, but the only person you can change is yourself. Do what you feel is right. Hopefully in time he will change.. Good Luck
2007-01-24 03:06:36 · answer #10 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just keep being the better person and kill them with kidness. Try to keep matue about it and it sounds like your doing all you can. Only you can change and if the other person don't want to then there is really not anything you can do about it.
2007-01-24 03:02:59 · answer #11 · answered by MizzSweetness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋