I live with my fiance, Rex. I am 23 and he is 26. He works full time and is in graduate school. I work part time and go to grad school as well. His brother, Tom who is 24, moved in with us becasue he got a job in our town. He lived 30 mins away prior to this arrangement. Tom is driving me effing crazy! He never does his dishes, the bathroom is gross after he uses it (sometimes he does not shower for three days!) He leaves candy wrappers and crumbs. The other day he even left the front door unlocked. Now, I have compained to my fiancee, Rex, and he has talked with Tom, but nothing much has changed. On top of it, Rex and Tom's parents told Rex that he and I woudl have to put up woth it. So on top of all that crap, Rex's parents will treat him like he is the ****** if we kick him out. What would you do?
2007-01-24 02:57:33 · 13 answers · asked by jrhod263 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
It appears that the entire family has enabled Tom to get away with his bad behavior and have no desire to change it.
You are gonna have to be the strong one and stand up for yourself. If it were me, I would first speak to Tom directly - set up your expectations about the living arrangement regarding 1) cleaning up after himself and 2) setting a goal date for when he will be moving out. Then, when he leaves dirty dishes or trash lying around, DO NOT clean up after him. Instead, "remind" him that he has dirty dishes/trash to take care of. Ask him respectfully to take care of it by "such and such time." When he fails to do so (and he WILL) for the third time, you have enough ammunition to make a big stink about it. Be sure to create this scene in front of Rex, so he understands you mean business, and so he knows what he can expect from you as his future wife.
You don't have to be violent or vulgar, just firmly re-state the expectations that were set and point out that Tom has failed to keep up his end of it.
This NEEDS to be a temporary living arrangement, and it is vitally important that Tom understands the temporary nature of it. Otherwise, if you end up marrying Rex, you will be stuck with taking care of an adult child for the rest of your life.
2007-01-24 03:14:24 · answer #1 · answered by not yet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have asked your fiance to be truthful with his brother and that was a great first step. I'd put into action planning a friend get togther. Then, i'd call a family meeting and let everyone know about the upcoming get together and how you'd like it to be a team effort for the house to be comfie and clean. Once the house is straightened up, i'd give Tom some praise and have another meeting after the get together to put into action keeping the house nice in the long run. Hopefully he bites this bate and respects your household and feelings. I'd also talk to your fiance again and ask him how long his brother is going to be staying with you guys. Keep in mind your marrying Rex and NOT Tom so you don't have to continue to put up with the drama being that you're all adults!
2007-01-24 03:05:31 · answer #2 · answered by Light 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't get rid of Tom you'll eventually leave Rex, since you may be leaving anyway give Rex the choice, either Tom stays or You stay. Tom has nothing to loose but Rex does. Tom get one extra hour a day and a maid. You do not have to put up with it, period. Tom is a freeloader taking advantage of you and Rex, can't see that he's causing problems between you two.,and his parents are trying to dump him on you both. I can't see where Tom is an advantage at all. They may treat Rex like an ****** but he will be much happier and so will you. Be strait to the point that Tom has to be gone by the weekend or sooner.
2016-05-24 04:13:42 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move in with some girlfriends. Tell Rex that you can not live like this and will move out unless Tom does. You don't need to end the relationship - you just need your own clean space. Good luck!
2007-01-24 03:01:50 · answer #4 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tom is 24 he is a grown man. He knows a hell of a lot better than that. I say skip Rex and you talk to him. He's gonna blow his brother off no matter what, siblings always do. Tell him straight out, fix it or leave. If his parents don't like it too bad.
Time to cut the apron strings and stop letting his mommy do the dirty work. I would just tell mommy his attitude is a reflection of poor parenting that would shut her up, lol.
Besides Mother in Laws aren't supposed to like their sons wive's, lol.
This is your house, STAND YOUR GROUND.
2007-01-24 03:05:53 · answer #5 · answered by Chrissy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would realize that he is the brother of the person I love. That bond is not to be trifled with over petty frustrations. If he beat you or assaulted you or something like that, it would be one thing. But what you are mentioning are just simple frustrations. They suck yes, but if you would look past them and realize they are not that important, it would make you a better person in the long run. If you make this a big issue, you will etiher destroy two brothers, or your relationship. But if you let this get the better of you, and you can't rise above it. Something will be destroyed, and are you sure you want to end something for one of the three of you, because of candy wrappers and towels on the floor?
B
2007-01-24 03:06:18 · answer #6 · answered by Bacchus 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that he needs to find another place to live. If the parents tell you to put up with it,then maybe he needs to move back home with mom and dad.Let them put up with it. You both deserve to be happy at home. If his brother is not living up to his responsibilities,then he needs to go. You and your fiance need to do what is best for you. If it were me......the brother would have to go.
2007-01-24 03:05:50 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt' come here for intelligent adviece lol.
Since he is acting like an irresponsible teenager siit down and talk to him like one. Make rules and if he refuses to follow them that means its his choice to move out.
He may not even know that what hes doing offends you.
2007-01-24 03:02:16 · answer #8 · answered by Alila 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what I would do is take a deep breath then come up with an arrangement for you and him with a date to clean up and after that you two go to the movies or out to dinner
2007-01-24 03:04:53 · answer #9 · answered by Courtney B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out and ignore the parents whinying. I'd say boo hoo it's my house and I can decide who stays and who goes.
2007-01-24 03:01:03 · answer #10 · answered by missgigglebunny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋