We have 3 kids and I am totally unhappy but since we really don't have enough money to live apart and I don't want to ruin the kids lives, I stay in this marriage. He has always treated me with disrespect and I've just about had it! What to do??? I don't want to end up on section 8 or in an apt complex with my kids! I've worked too hard for that and right now we have the house and the kids are happy.
2007-01-24 02:28:09 · 19 answers · asked by goodgirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think too many people stay together for the kids. I get the complexity of your situation. You feel like you would deprive them of a 'good life' in a house, etc.... but what your really doing is setting a bad example for them at a young age.
Lets say its 20 years down the road and your daugther is in the same situation, unhappy, her husband puts her down, etc etc.... wouldn't you want her to leave, so she could live a happy life? Damn right! Or even worse, your son grows up thinking its alright to disrespect women so he gets married and treats the mother of his children like crap because hey, thats what he learned from Dad! And the cycle continues, on and on. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking its alright to be unhappy as long as they are 'taken care of'. I wouldn't. I'd want the best for my kids, and I'd want them to learn that from my positive examples. It doesn't matter where you live... an apartment, a house... a long as it is a loving home your kids.
Best of luck to you! I know this is hard and I hope you do the right thing.
2007-01-24 02:52:27 · answer #1 · answered by CEP 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To me, it makes no sense to stay in a marriage where one is thinking about a meaningless affair, and needs to pursue his lustful path. Having an 'affair', will not make things better at this point. The children who are 11 and 13 most likely will not go off the edge should the parents separate or divorce. There are are plenty who have come from broken homes, unfortunately, but the love must stay intact for the children. Staying in a relationship for the sake of the children when a parent is thinking about seeking other means of satisfaction is not something which was thought through.
2016-05-24 04:09:29 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U will never b happy. Trying 2 do it 4 ur kids is not right because when u r not happy ur kids r not happy. Y don't u go back 2 school where u can get a better education as far as 2 where u can make enough money 2 live by urself with ur children because a man that has not respect 4 u is not a man. I know it's hard i have lived that life b 4 and then i decided 2 move on and let him go. I went through hell and back but i survived and i am happy now. It is not easy but u deserve 2 b happy and so do ur kids. GOOD LUCK AND GET OUT B 4 ITS 2 LATE.
2007-01-24 02:35:26 · answer #3 · answered by Baby Gurl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As adults, we have learned how to behave in our relationships based on what we see from our parents. If you and your husband don't have a good relationship - how will your kids have a good example? The chances are that if you have boys -- they will be abusive towards their wives...and if you have daughters they will be submissive with their husbands and put up with the same abuse you are.
You need to be a strong role model for your children and get everyone's butt outta there. Show them that you are strong and it's wrong to stay in a bad relationship. The only way to ruin the kids lives is to stay there -- think of what they are going to grow up to be like?? How many bad relationships they will have and how much counseling they will need?
You may end up in an apartment but your kids will grow up respecting you!!!
Another thing to look at is townhouse communities or try to find a 'co-op' in your area. In many cases they only charge you 30% of your income and are really not bad. The majority of the population there are single moms with kids or senior citizens.
2007-01-24 02:49:06 · answer #4 · answered by jennw33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people should never EVER stay together just for the sake of the kids. children learn from adults. especially if the adults are unhappy...children imitate what adults do. do you want your children learning how to be unhappy in a relationship with another man (or woman)? then you need to find a way to be happy. just because you do what you can to shelter your kids from your unhappy relationship doesn't mean that they still don't know or can't see. you need to find a way to be happy again...even if that means going on section 8. oh...and if you are done having children...talk to your doctor about permanent birth control. i'm not trying to be mean. just offering some solutions or some suggestions. do you want to live the rest of your life being unhappy for the sake of the children? then find a way to be happy again.
2007-01-24 03:42:48 · answer #5 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a strong conscience. It really is best for your kids to not rip their lives apart. A LOT of people stay in marriages for the kids. That why there are so many divorces when kids go off to college. If you're not in danger and your kids aren't in danger, it really is the best for all of you.
Unbelievable as it may seem a couple we know bought two copies of the book "relationship rescue" by Dr. Phil McGraw and each read it independantly and they were able to put their train wreck marriage back on track and even though they were staying for the kids, they actually ended up back in love with each other. Strange things can happen when two people want to make it work. The trick is to stay civil during the process.
good luck. You sound like a good mom. Hope things work out for the best for all of you.
2007-01-24 02:39:55 · answer #6 · answered by TJTB 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do you really think your kids don't realize you are unhappy. And is that as big of a problem for them as well. Keep in mind they will grow up disrespectful as the see their father treating you that way. Plan your departure, if you are not able to get a job go back to school or trade school so you can get one. Then file for divorce, collect support from your husband to help make ends meet and meet someone who will treat you with respect and love you. Good luck you can do it.
2007-01-24 02:53:30 · answer #7 · answered by Barry W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I stayed with an abusive wife for the sake of the kids, it did not work!! After a few years (yes, I sacrificed a few years for my kids), I said enough is enough, and divorced her. I was granted full and some custody and we have been living happy and healthy for 6 years now. She continues to live in an abusive relationship and now has someone to treat her with abuse, and she gave away two daughters for her abusive life style. But to each his/her own. I still wish her well, and "my" daughters are growing safe and happy, and tell me from time to time, that they are happy that "I" did not give up on them. And I never will. Good Luck to you and God Bless. I really hope things work out for the best!!!
2007-01-24 02:43:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are the only one who can decide what is best for your sanity and the sake of the children. Maybe the two of you are using one another as a crutch. In the end the long term unhappiness, can be damaging towards the children. Especially if there is a silent war b/n the two of you or continual bickering. Good Luck. Put your children first.
2007-01-24 02:39:09 · answer #9 · answered by Support Breast Cancer Research 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone saying, "Do what makes you happy," or words to that effect, are, in essence, saying, "Be lazy and self-centered." Besides staying married for the kids, you should also stay married because you vowed to do so "for better or for worse until death do you part." People want to bring up marriage vows when it has to do with infidelity, but marriage vows also have to do with sticking together through difficult times. If your husband treats you disrespectfully, the best thing you can probably do is to improve yourself in order to increase your assertiveness. Devise specific behavioral and communication strategies to employ at times when he treats you disrespectfully. Additionally, increase your self-esteem by becoming more independent, self-sufficient, and educated. There are lots of books available for learning how to accomplish these things. Divorce is easy but devastates a family. Working on issues and improving yourself are hard, but they yield lasting, long-term benefits.
2007-01-24 02:52:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋