Everything I do does not seem to be what he expected me to do. I try to make sure not to do anything that would anger him. Is it normal to be treated this way when you are married?
2007-01-24 02:26:07 · 22 answers · asked by knotwanted4 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unfortunately it could be considered normal today in our society, but it doesn't mean that you have to accept it.
The way your husband is treating you isn't necessarily a sign that he doesn't love you either. The way he treats people is more about him than it is about you.
He may be carrying around a lot of anger, & you being the closest target, makes you the one who gets to be on the receiving end the most often.
You are trying to control his anger through your own actions, & that is not a very healthy way to live is it?
You are constantly under the stress of trying to control him when he is the only one who really has control of himself. So you are trying to do the impossible.
So the best thing you can do, is accept the fact that you can't control him, & don't accept his bad treatment of you anymore.
Remember. people treat you the way that you teach them to.
If he's going to be angry at you for no good reason, & be disrespectful of his wife, then there has to be some clear, & predicatble consequences for his bad behaviour, & all you have to do is decide what those consequences will be, & be prepared to stick to them. If you cave, then all you do is teach him that he can treat you the way he wants, & get away with it.
If he's so angry that he can't see that what he's doing is toxic for his entire family, then he needs to go for some councelling.
So whether it's normal behaviour or not, if you don't want to live with it anymore then it needs to be changed.
You may not be able to change him but you can certainly change what you do when he treats you that way.
Good Luck!
2007-01-24 02:45:59 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no that's not normal at all...a REAL man knows that his wife is a gift and therefore he respects her and treats her the way he would treat himself...he loves her as he would love his own body...i am not saying it will always be wine and roses and no fights or anything like that...even the best relationship has ups and downs...but on the whole a real man respects his wife and is not easily angered by her..he is patient and kind with her and the same is true for the wife...she is not easily angered by her husband but is patient with him...yes they will both be angry but it wont be over something like who left the lid off the peanut butter jar!....good luck
2007-01-24 10:33:58 · answer #2 · answered by kimbersweet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personal attention is needed here from both parties.
There is going to be ups and downs concerning marriage, but it you talk it out and in best interest also to be kind to one another during this process.
Sexual activities between the two can sometimes become slow and less interesting during the years as marriage continues, but these things are changes that will occur and have to be Delt with accordingly.
Keep the flame burning and even if it flickers to a candle flame there is always hope to see a Brighter light in you marriage or relationships, but approach each and every disagreement with cautious temperament with kindness instead of anger.
I'm sure when both of you want to improve your relations there will be better days ahead.
2007-01-24 10:36:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a control freak. A lot of husbands treat their wives this way. most of the time the wife doesn't see it until after the wedding. If he would have done this before you got married then you would not have married him. You either do something about it now or deal with it for the rest of your married life.
2007-01-24 10:35:38 · answer #4 · answered by jacksonvillegarycollins 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it is not normal, your husband may be going through some kind of problem in his life, that he has been unable to deal with. this is no good and is a form of abuse toward u. he hates himself really and u being the closest to him, u get all the hurt directed at u. have u thought about therapy. where u could talk freely about what hurts u. have u confronted him about how he is treating u? sometimes by keeping silent trying to keep the peace we actually are teaching that person how to treat us, by allowing it, so what we are saying to that person is it is OK to do me like this, if u spoke up for yourself and let him know he was hurting u he might stop it.
2007-01-24 10:34:22 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO that is not normal at all!!!
1 Have you TALKED to him and ASKED him WHY he angers so easily.
2. It doesn't sound like he respects you.
3.This sounds like its heading for verbal and or physical abuse. You REALLY need to talk to him to see what his problem is. You need to stand up for yourself and let him know that he needs to have respect for you and treat you the way your are supposed to be treated.
4.If you dont say anything he is going to continue and he sounds like he is trying to control you. He knows you dont want him to be angry at you. He thinks by being angry at you he can keep you in check. Are you afraid of him when he gets mad? You need to show him that your not scared of him either. You have got to show some backbone!! Put your foot down dont let him treat you that way.
2007-01-24 10:33:44 · answer #6 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think so. My ex was like that. Anytime I tried to talk to him, I was soo annoying.When I told him dinner was ready, he was highly irritated with just me talking to him at all.
Dont be a doormat.Get this book Why men love B*tches and why men Marry Bit*hes.
If he runs over you and knows it you are nothing to him.
Dont do anything for him. See how he likes that.If he becomes abusive leave.
there is no sense in that you are a person too.
He should be more respectful - leave and find someone nice.
Or at least you would be much happier alone. Why stay in something so unhappy?
And this book - hes just not that into you. Great books.
Help yourself - please
2007-01-24 10:31:36 · answer #7 · answered by Mia l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is common but not normal. Too many husbands want a servant and not really a wife at all. See if he will agree to counseling and work on building up you own self esteem so that you can get angry with him when he expects too much. From what you say, that may not be physical abuse but it is still abuse. check out http://www.ncadv.org
2007-01-24 10:35:54 · answer #8 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it sounds like your husband gets upset easily, I think he needs to take a chill pill and examine his life more. I don't think this is too normal, I mean couples do fight and that's normal but if he doesn't respect you that's not normal. Maybe you should go to a psychiatrist and tell them what's going on or even go to counciling and see what they can tell you. I wouldn't take this lightly but again I wouldn't jump to conclusions too fast. Give it some time and try and get some help, maybe that's all you need.
2007-01-24 10:35:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have stopped being intimate and he often calls you names and constantly insults you then there might be cause to worry. He may just be stressed out, offer your love is all you can do. Ask him, and listen to what's bothering him if he says nothing then ask him why he is treating you this way, if he says "what way?" then point out to him how he has been towards you. If he doesn't acknowledge it then maybe he is intentionally doing it to push you, but don't take his crap. Push back! Just try not to let it escalate to far! Good luck Hon I really hope this helps you. :)
2007-01-24 10:34:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋