Extend my apologies or say nothing?

Question

My husband just informed me, last night, that his niece is going through a divorce.
Here's the kicker:
She and her husband just finished having a very lavish (and expensive) wedding ceremony a year ago! So many ppl were invited and she was so happy about her marriage and preparations for the wedding.
The reason for this divorce:
Her husband went to Iraq not long after their wedding and met someone else. (Sad, but unfortunately, not uncommon).
The question:
Since she is obviously very upset and beside herself and, though, we're not particularly close, I wanted to extend my apologies, but have reservations. Would she view this as my "rubbing it in" in any way? I find myself walking on egg shells. Or do I just say nothing and wait for "the hurt" to subside?
Oh, one more thing, she lives 600 miles north of me and my husband.
What do you think I should do?
Please, no psarchastic comments or criticisms. I only look for educated insight.
Thanks.

Answer 1

You guys are not close, and you live far away. I suggest for you not to dwell into her pain right now, this is a private matter and is none of yoru bussiness.

She needs to deal with this and she doesn't need no more pressure. I'm sure that she wants to keep thing as quiet and private as possible. Probally you mean well, but this is very embarrasing for her and is best to let her be, otherwise, you may come across as noisey and rude.

Good luck

Good luck

Answer 2

An apology is most generally offered to a person when you have done something wrong to that person. In this case, I suggest you don't offer apologies nor do you say nothing. It would be a kind and thoughtful gesture to send your niece a hand written note. It could read something like this: "Dear Jane, Your Uncle Bob and I just found out that you and Tim are going through a divorce. We can only imagine how difficult of a time you are going through right now. We love you and are here for you. Our guest room is available if you need to get away for a few days to rest, think, or just have a little visit with us. Please call or send an e-mail if there is anything we can do for you. We are thinking of you. With love, Aunt Helen" Of course, you may not have a guest room and don't really want her to come, so just use whatever kind words are appropriate in your relationship. What will matter most to her is that you are thinking of her and cared to send a note. Following up in a few weeks with a phone call just to say "hi" would be nice as well. She'll have many people who want to give advice or "I told you so's". What she really needs is to know that her family loves and supports her.

Answer 3

If I were you... I would write her a card or note, and stick it in the mail. (HAND WRITTEN)

Let her know that you are sorry to hear that she is going through a difficult time. Also, even though you are not close, I would let her know that you are there if she needs anything.

The nice thing about getting it in writing -

1- she doesn't have to look at you - especially if she FEELS ashamed - although there is NOTHING to be ashamed of!

2- she doesn't have to try and make YOU feel okay, with responses like "it is okay"

3 - she is able to go back to the note when she is really feeling down - it is always nice to have something to physically hold to remind you people are supportive

I have been through divorce and it is hard...
I am also currently married to a soldier who has served in Iraq. You are right that unfortunately it does happen - SOMETIMES...

Answer 4

Call her, talk to her, tell her how sorry you are to hear the news and then let her know that if she needs to talk, come visit, just scream or what ever, she can call you day or night and you are there for her. Silence in case like this will only make her feel like you do not care and she already feels enough negative emotion. Give her your love, your support and help her sell all of his stuff before he gets back. She needs the support and love of family, so give it to her, she will not take offense and even if she did, you need to be understanding that her "Dream World" has just been shattered and she may not react rationally.

Answer 5

A hand written note expressing your concern would be very thoughtful then leave a response up to her...if she doesn't respond I wouldn't bring it up again anytime soon...
When I divorced I liked hearing from friends offering encouragement....and was hurt that some I considered close did not acknowledge this life event at all....

Answer 6

first, there's nothing for you to apologize for. she in a lot of pain right now and i'm sure she needs time to reflect, but also the support of her close family and friends.

just let her know that you are aware of what's happened and that you are just a phone call away. she might be too shy to call, so be sure to let her know you're an ear for her.

be sure not to take any sides AND only listen and support.

good luck with this all.

Answer 7

I would call her and politely invite her to come and spend a few days with you and your husband (her uncle), I am sure that this invitation, will open a channel of discussion and she will volunteer her feelings to you. I believe that right now she needs all the support that she can get.

Answer 8

That is tough.. If you want to ask her to come down for a visit or you meet her half way and spend a day together. If not just call and be a friend no need to state the obvious of her situation.

Answer 9

i would send a card,,,, one that just says something like "thinking of you during this difficult time",,,,,, or else just write a short note, to let her know she is in your thoughts, and if you can help in any way,,, let you know,,,, etc you dont have to mention the divorce directly,,,,or, else just wait till you see her, then if the chance arises, in private tell her how sorry you are,, unless it comes up in public, that is what i did with my aunt, who divorced after 40 years,,,,,,

Answer 10

I think it is perfectly excellent to say:

I'm sorry to hear the news about you and your husband. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.