You know this person is "the one" , you have a history that goes back to teen years (19 yrs ago). you have an 11 yr old child together - he has been gone for 10 yrs and was never expected to be back - so you moved on, met a good man, had 2 more children but always still had phone contact with this first man, weekly calls to the child you have together.
Now first man is back and all your feelings come flooding back to this intense passionate love, that is almost too consuming, it just eats you up - it's like a drug I guess that feels wonderful but then somehow it starts to kill you and everything hurts. I don't understand this kind of toxic love, that can be so comfortable and then so painful - and one that you would consider risking everything for..... any advice at all.....
2007-01-24 02:22:44 · 13 answers · asked by XXXFAIRY 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your love story sounds almost like the movie I watched last week, but without all the screwey details.
Watch "Birth" with Nicole Kidman. Very interesting as it mirrors your heart breaking love story.
My suggestion:
Stick with your present life. Flames are going to be rekindled, but you have to move on. What if you give in to these rekindled feelings after you've thrown away your second marriage and come to find out your first has torn your heart in some way? You would certainly be in a compromised position, wouldn't you?
Truth be told, if my late husband were still alive, I would still have feelings for him, because for one, we have kids together (my current and I don't have kids together). Naturally, I will always wonder with my first husband.
I am a realist, but I have dreams. My dreams are for my first husband to come back to life, because I miss him in the worst way possible, but realistically speaking, it just wouldn't be right. I love my second husband and would die for him. It is a real live love story that my current and I share. He has three kids from a previous marriage and I encourage him to be in their lives as much as he possibly can inlight of the fact that his first wife is still in love with him, even though she left him for another man thirteen years ago (they were together for 18 yrs).
I apologize for writing a novel, but I hope this has helped you some.
Rent the movie I've mentioned above and watch it with a gal pal.
Good luck and peace...
2007-01-24 02:35:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not for sure. I met another man that swept me off my feet after 5 yrs. of divorce. I wasn't looking for it, it just happened. My 1st love is not in the picture, and we have 2 teenage daughters together. My husband and I have 2 children each. I hope my ex never comes back around. Even if he did, he wouln't be worth the risk of what I have now. I hope the risk you are going to take turns out to be what is right for you. I wouldn't want to make it.
2007-01-24 10:56:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do understand a toxic love . Butterfliies, flutters ,smile from ear to ear, no eating ,nervous but sorry ... Not 4 my 1st husband.I gave that mistake up 16 years ago. It was for the best. U can find someone u would risk everything 4. Let me know if u find him!!! lol....lol...lol...
2007-01-24 10:47:59 · answer #3 · answered by lilly l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
closure. You don't have it. Memory loss. You forgot the reasons you left him in the first place. Sure, he said he has changed but he hasn't really. You need to remember what it was that drove you apart years ago and know that it is still there. If it was another woman (even if she is gone) there will be another one just like her. Look at what you have and think of your children. They need you to be stable for their sake. Can't have Mommy out acting like a whore with her ex.
2007-01-24 10:30:19 · answer #4 · answered by oldsoftee2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it girl...it is toxic. Maybe you never really had closure with him and that's why you can't get him out of your mind. If I were you I would make a list and compare the two men in your life. It should be obvious which one is better for you.
2007-01-24 10:28:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a fantasy love if you acted it out the feelings would not be what you think they would you are fantasising about a love that you think is incredible You need to remember that man that took in the child your ex has CALLED about for ten years WHAT ABOUT HIM?
2007-01-24 10:29:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes time and forcing yourself to stay busy and occupy your mind with something other than your ex, and re creating habits to replace the ones you had with your ex
find a new place to eat, or hang out , like a book store, this will give the new you a new place to call your own with out traces of the ex..
2007-01-24 13:11:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may never get over him. The only thing you can do is move forward and look for someone else to occupy your heart.
2007-01-24 10:27:23 · answer #8 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you never let him go you said that you talk to him because of the kid which is understandable but you never told him it was over and you never be lived it was over so there you are I understand you know he may feel the same way about you have you talked to him about it
2007-01-24 11:04:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"The first man is back." In what way? You saw him, you are seeing him you are dating him, your are remarrying him??? How back is "back"? More info, hon.
2007-01-24 11:41:46 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋