recently split with boyfriend as he has gone back to university and had no time. He is in his third year so very very busy. we saw each other again and decided its a good idea to 'see how things go' so we are not together, just seeing how things go, so no commitment or pressure of a relationship and i c him when he has got time-once every 2 or 3 weeks. but i can not help feelin that he's only seeing me when he wants sex and i might be getting used. I mentioned this to him and he went mad, said he would never use anyone for sex especially someone he really cares about. but if he really cared about he would want to be in a relationship again, wouldnt he? am i bein used?
2007-01-24 01:35:06 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
he has only got 12 more weeks at uni. when its finished if things have gone well he said he would like to and hopes we do get back together
2007-01-24 01:47:09 · update #1
What I see is that his position is VERY comfortable, as he is having all the good things without paying any price for it.
It is a Freudian thing, you know, it is called "The principle of pleasure". The more "imature" and child-like a person is, the more they will be in the search of plenty of pleasure without any responsabilities attached to it. As children, we would have it when we were babies, the pleasure of being fed and taken care of, at any times, without having to do anything. The love and care of a mother to a child is an one-way love: the mother cares and donates from herself completely and the child only receives it and asks for more. As we grow older, we are forced to see that we have to grow respectful of the elderly, that there are rules to obey, that there is a time for eating, and places for playing, that you have to learn how to share, and how to attend other peoples needs in order to have your needs attended to.
Nonetheless, to a major or minor degree, everyone tries to stablish again the same kind of relationship they have had with their moms, meaning: only receiving without having to give.
I say this cause it is clear that his needs are satisfied, while yours are not.
I am not saying his is immature, the way your described his behavior is not enough to assume that. He can really be only stressed, not have much free time, be busy, etc.
That is why I am positive on saying: Give him a chance.
I would say: have one of these 2 or 3 week dates and make it WITHOUT sex.
Tell him that somehow you dont feel like having it. Could you guys sleep cuddling together and have affection and care going on still? Can you imagine one or two of these encounters going on without sex? I guess if you do that, you could find out if sex is the only purpose of it or not.
I was recently seeing a guy who told me he was seeing me for lots of reasons and that he had a lot of feelings, but when he wanted to visit he wanted to make sure he would stay at my house. When I suggested he would stay at the hotel and implied that I was not promissing sex, but we would see how things would go, he just canceled the trip to visit me.
There are ways you can find it what it is about.
2007-01-24 01:57:40 · answer #1 · answered by Graça 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well thats certainly how it sounds i am affraid babe.
I would just tell him that you care for him "too" so you want to call it off as you dont want to dog him down with this "relationship" as its not what or how you want it to be and you dont want to start filling his head with worries that you think your getting used, and see what he says. If he's like na na na, its cool, we can continue, he is using you.
when you told him that you think your being used, did you get the answer you wanted, did you get that feeling at the bottom of your stomach telling you that you already know the answer, but would love it not to be true. Deep down you already no the answer.
Move on, be strong and dont look back. If it means you have to get a new sim card, then so be it. Just never go back, if you do, you wont have no ones respect. You left for a reason remember, and you are feeling this feelling for a reason. this is not what you want out of a relationship, so dont stay in it hoping that it will change and he will come running to you with open arms. Chances are, the longer he takes you, with respect, for a fool, he wont come anywhere near you with intentions of doing right by you. the longer he gets away with it, the more he starts to think he can have his cake and eat it. Dont disrespect yourself.
After a month or so, you will feel so much beter about yourself. IPromise.
Goodluck xx
2007-01-24 01:47:16 · answer #2 · answered by london lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a really tough decision. You could have a million people on here agree with you and say he's just using you.. then have you break up with him, and have him be telling you the truth. You could really miss out on a good relationship. On the other hand.. if he is just using you.. You don't want to be with him.. I'd study all the facts.. and see where it leads you.. What does your heart tell you? You are the best judge in this situation, because you are the one living it...
Stop having sex with him.. (shouldn't anyways until you are married.) and if he doesn't stay with you.. Then.. maybe you have your answer.. :)
Good Luck!
2007-01-24 01:41:31 · answer #3 · answered by stephanieann31882 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is confused and probably isn't really sure what he wants. If you had been together a while he probably still wants to be with u but the distance and lack of time is a strain. I think you need to make a decision as to whether you are together or not because in between isn't going to work.
Hope you make the right decision. Good Luck!
2007-01-24 01:41:00 · answer #4 · answered by Katie M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's just scared of the commitment bit, but if you feel you are being used I would just call the friends tag and let him go. If he doesn't want to get back with you but he wants sex though, it sounds like your being used. I would give him a choice, either your with me or finito. See what he says. Men sometimes need to be pushed.
2007-01-24 01:46:03 · answer #5 · answered by phobzy85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about this one real hard: NO ONE can use you unless you let them.
Looks like he is using you. But, the diplomacy here is not to ask him. That's where you made a mistake. Just observe and see what happens.
Once again, think about the first sentence I wrote here.
2007-01-24 01:40:16 · answer #6 · answered by Nightrider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say no te next time he ask for sex with u n c how he react. If he go mad abt it, leave him asap. He is Using u for sex, dont let him 2. U deserve a better guy.
2007-01-24 01:41:35 · answer #7 · answered by Joy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so get together w/o the sex and see how long the arrangement lasts - that will give you a clear answer. Of course, you are getting yours at the same time - are you using him?
2007-01-24 01:39:19 · answer #8 · answered by workingclasshero 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, unfortunately. If he wanted the relationship you would still be together. As it is now, hes getting the sex without having to deal with you relationshipwise. Tell him to beat it. Hes disrespecting you.
2007-01-24 01:41:03 · answer #9 · answered by Bitzer Maloney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one loves someone he doing just sex with her, stop now and don't let him use u in that..
i know a man he doing sex with a bad girls and have serious relationship with other...
so open your eyes and give him what u thinking, and don't be with him anymore if your feelings said it's not for u..
just think he will engaged u or just spend time with u and when see other girl he will left u badly..
thanks to listen to us i wish my advice to help u.. i am here for u if u need any help
2007-01-24 01:45:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋