Married Couples Only - How many times do you have sex?

Question

I've been married 20 years. The last ten our sex life has been almost non-existant, once a month if I'm lucky, more like 8 times a year. This is not enough for me, but the wife dosn't care. She thinks this amount is fine.

How many times do you and your spouse make love?

We have a 13 yr old son and an 8 yr old daughter. Just like B K answered, I have tried everything - flowers, back rubs, romantic get-a-ways, emails, notes, I do the dished, was the kids clothes, vacume the house, mop, everything in the "helping out" department - so she has no "i'm too tired" excuse. Nothing works, she has no desire to hop in bed with me, while I can't wait till the end of the day to get in bed with her and hold her (which pisses her off actually)

Hey guys, thanks for the answers so far...

Answer 1

Everyday, atleast once. Lately it has been twice a day though.

Answer 2

I’ve been married for 14 years now and my wife and I dated for 4 years prior. When we were dating, we would have sex at least once a day, excluding the days during her period. It was fantastic sex too. We probably would have made porn stars jealous—lots of foreplay, multiple positions. Quite often we’d have sex to the point of shear exhaustion. After marriage, for about two years we would have sex with almost the same frequency and intensity. Then we decided to have children. We had a son who is 12 now. After he came along, her sex drive fell off. We dropped to maybe three times per week and still pretty decent quality although her desire for foreplay diminished. We also began fighting over sex as I began to feel robbed because she wasn’t nearly as sexual anymore—I felt she turned into a “Oh phooey I burned the muffins” mom kind of woman. I really began resenting this because I felt that just because we’re parents now doesn’t mean we can’t still have a wild sex life. We hit some dry spells and one thing she used as a reason for the change in frequency was arthritis in her back. We started seeing councilors and we even split up for a couple weeks once. Things got better for a while then we wanted to have another child. We had another son who is 9. After that sex was good for about a year then it has all fallen apart. We started scheduling sex once a week but she now has arthritis in her hips as well and sometimes that prevents us from our scheduled “sex night”.The crappy thing about that is if we don't have sex on our "scheduled" sex night, she won't do it say, the next night or something like that, she'll make me wait until the next week. This means we don't have sex that week. Also the thing I resent is that the oral sex is gone completely. She doesn’t want to give it or receive it. Oral sex used to be a major component of our sex life but now she says she doesn’t like it—giving or receiving it and, can you believe this?- She says she never liked it!!! Why the h$ll did she ever do it in the first place? She was in a car accident September 30, 2006 which hurt her back and neck. Now we haven’t had sex for almost 5 months now. If I’m lucky, she might j@rk me off once a week. The real sucky thing about the whole situation is that I’m 40, she’s 5 years younger than me and my sex drive hasn’t changed in the almost 20 years that we’ve been together!!--- I love my sons dearly but I honestly think that I let her talk me into having children too soon. After we decided to have our first child, it was only about 1.5 months before she was pregnant-- I wish we weren't so damn fertile. As a matter of fact, I had a vasectomy in 1999 so having any more kids isn't even an issue anymore!!!

Answer 3

I understand where your coming from my husband has a very low sex drive and his parent's are the same way his father wants it his mother doesn't. Coming from a woman's view she probably has deeper issues going on, self confidance or self image. She probably needs to see therapist of some sort. Maybe she also just has a low sex drive which only a doctor can help. If bringing up the therapist to her becareful she could snap and you will become her enemy. Try telling her your feelings about the amount of sex and tell her you are going to see a therapist and you would like her to come along for support, dr. has a way of pulling her into the conversation and turning it around as long as you let him know in advance what you are doing. I have sex once a week sometimes twice a week unfortunately he wants it more lately but his work schedule prohibits it and I am having to overcome a problem myself from surgery I cannot feel my clitoris.

Answer 4

We have dry spells sometimes because sometimes there are rough patches. That's natural. But man, ten years is quite a drought. 2-3 times a week is the norm for us. That's plenty for me, him not so much. When we first got married it was all the time. But that changes. Your wife sounds depressed. Do you try forplay? Have you tried talking to her about this...or counseling? I know sex stops for us when we're angry with eachother or disconnected. When you spend more time with each other and talk more, you begin to feel the spark again, and that's key. Maybe she doesn't feel special to you anymore. It's hard to want to have sex if you feel ignored or neglected to some degree. Not that that's the problem...but just throwing some ideas out.

Also, if she's taking any kind of antidepressant that could be a major factor! That stuff messes your libido up! BIG TIME.

Answer 5

You have some great advice there.
You are describing what is happening in our marriage, and I am the female that sounds exactly like your wife!

We are very happily married, darling husband is horny and randi more than could care.
He might get it once a month, or once every other month. Maybe not for a long while.
It does not mean I do not love him. My kids are 11 and 14.

It is the tiredness of running kids and husbands life. My husband is very much like a grown up kid (maybe you are the same) and chores, as well as errands for each and everyone on e of them ..takes the stuffing out of you.
Also estrogen levels are very high in me that suppresses the urge of wanting to have a sex life. Xeno-estrogen affect me as well, and these are found in fresh paints, new car smells, plastics, ink, glue, etc
I am very sensitive to hormonal fluctuations, even though I think I feel fine (but not by my husbands suggestions). My progesterone levels are quite low.

Tiredness in the afternoon, irritability, snappy, moody, unexplained crying, weight gain can all be symptoms of excess estrogen.

I am not trying to make excuses for her, but like you I was bothered by my lack of interest. I also started to think that my husband had a problem!
Until I went to a naturopath, and had it verified with my Dr and blood tests.

another thing: maybe she had enough???????????

Answer 6

my hubby and i have been together for 17 years and married for 9! we have slowed down a lot over the years. when we were first married...it was like 2-3 times a day! but now...we have 2 kids...6 year old and a 2 year old....it now averages once a day in a good week to a 5 times a week.
I'm sorry that you dint have the experience you are looking for . but maybe your wife has a very low sex drive. this could be a signal for some other health issues. maybe have her talk to her ob/gyn.?

Answer 7

I have been married for 1 year, but I have been with my wife for 9 years and I can tell you that our sex life has gotten better. We both aim to please each other and maybe 2-3 times a week. But to be honest with you it can be a little more challenging when you look at factors such as work, children (we have 0 right now), or any other distractions. Stay physically attractive to each other, keep the romance and change it up from time to time, and be honest. Have fun and make lots of love.

Answer 8

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years, known each other for over 18, and we have sex sometimes as often as 2-3 times a day, to sometimes only once a week. It depends on how busy we are, or how horny we are, which ever is more prevalent. If she is not willing to make love more often, perhaps she should look in to getting her hormone levels checked, that can have ALOT to do with a woman's sex drive.

Answer 9

Depends on stress levels and kids. lol
My boyfirend (common law 6 years so close enough to qualify me for answering this question) would have sex all day if he could!! Seriously!! Not I. I don't want it all the time. More than once a month though. Don't be discouraged. Some want it more than others. I'm happy with less....on average we have sex 3 times a week. Sometimes less sometimes more. All depending.

Answer 10

6 times a week. When I was on prozac and remeron, we hit a record 9 times in a day! I would have gone for more, but it just wasn't physically possible! Maybe your wife needs antidepressants, but besides the crazy sex drive and the non existant need for sleep, it's like hell on speed. Your wife should want to boost her sex drive if not for herself, but for you. Why don't you talk to her about it some more?

We've been living together for less than 2 years and consider ourselves married. The party comes later. No time for it now! So, maybe I broke your married only request, but commitment/marriage same diff right?

Answer 11

well I think I am in the norm when I say about once a week. I actually just read an article in Good Housekeeping about this and statistics say about 38 percent of married women have sex a few times a week, 47 percent(almost 1/2) of married women say a few times a month and 15 percent say only a few times a year. so if you get a crapload of people on here saying every day or twice a day ethier they just got married or they are lying. in my opinion when my hubby and I have sex we are spent and we are good to go for a few days to a week cuz we put everything in to it. and lets face it, working, keeping up a household and raising 2 kids does tire you out but we do our best to keep things different and exciting when we are in the right moment.