I have three children in which I had been separated from for three years as a result of an ugly divorce. In any case those were very crucial times in which I lost at the time when they were becoming teenagers. Although I know that they love me but somehow I don't feel the same about them anymore... Too much has happened some my fault, the Dad and life in general. I thought I wanted to be with them but now I have second thoughts... The youngest I care about most but I'm starting to loose interest slowly but surely with him I've notice... I'm skipping schedule visits, shortening time spent with him etc... The older of the two one in general has totally lost my love and faith in her but I still care! the other I just lost complete interest in her after Christmas. They are no longer the children I once knew and love prior to divorce! They have been spoiled rotten by the in-laws and Dad amongst others to the point where they snub their noses at those less fortunant than themselves.
2007-01-23 23:45:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you need JESUS..cause you are acting like a typical dead beat parent..people like you disguss me and you need to seek some help..i dont care what crap you and your ex went through taking it out on your kids that you HAD...is rotten and cruel.. why did you even have kids..did even realize the damage you are causing them..seriously..thanks for causing the next future serial killers!!!!
2007-01-23 23:51:34 · answer #1 · answered by dasu751520 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can't answer your question directly to your problem but maybe my similar situation might help. I have a teen and a pre teen child the teen lives with me and the other lives with the father.You do become use to being separated from your children after time to some degree but if you are loosing interest in wanting to be in there lives you need to rethink what you are feeling and do what is right or them. the child that lives with me never sees her father because he never calls or comes to visit by his choice and that has screwed her up in the head. the other child I at least call once a week and pick up for the weekends at least once a month (he lives 2hrs away) my child that lives with me I don't like as a person, she is negative, messy, bitchy and blames everyone else but her self for all her mistakes. but that doesn't mean I don't want to be part of her life. If you shut your kids out you will regret it later. Be part of their life now, then later when they are older make the decision to no associate with them. Just tell them that the way they are acting with others is wrong and you don't want to see it when they are with you, so when they when they are with you tell them to knock off this behavior. Don't shut your kids out, no matter how bad a parent is you are there mother/father and nobody can take that away, they need you whether you think they do or not. Sorry for this being so long but I hope this helps. I am sure they are many people you don't like family/friends/coworkers but human nature is we find a way to cope, cope with it for the kids sake.
2007-01-24 00:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by calenderchic0271 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did it ever dawn on you that the need you. If your ex husband and his family have them acting as if they are better than others maybe you need to step in and be the one to show the another way. How can you just turn your back on child en that you gave birth to? Why don't you and your child en go to counseling. So what you missed out on crucial parts of their lives don't miss out on anymore. You said that part of the problem is yourself, ex-husband and life in general but never once did you mention that the children did anything wrong besides even if they did you a re supposed to love your children UNCONDITIONALLY. You sound a little troubled to me.
2007-01-23 23:58:03 · answer #3 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me say that I have 3 children. Two not to mention were from a previous relationship. One belongs to my husband and I. My daughter which is the middle child who was very outspoken and didn't bite her tongue to a soul. It had gotten me into trouble with social services on several occassions. Not to mention the last time, I pretty much hated her. I couldn't stand to look at her and I figured if she were calling the system again it better be for a darn good reason. TO make a long story short, I had to make a tough decision to let her go. I took her to be with her father in April not to mention he had placed her in a group home due to bad behaviors. I speak to her now and then and I finally miss her. On the other hand, if I had to do it all over again, I would. My oldest son is now beginning to become lazy and my husband keeps coming to me like I should put my foot up his @ss but I don't wish to be in the same circumstance. He plans to get a seperation and I wonder if I should just leave my youngest with him so he won't have to struggle with me. Urgh! I would remain in contact with them. I'm sure they are of age that they won't forget you. Keep your head up.
2007-01-24 00:03:27 · answer #4 · answered by Jerry S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a serious issue Mme.
I know exactly what you are talking about...and I have a feeling you are not a European or an American....They would have solved this issue amicably, and with a better sense....
The feeling inside your heart is being generated out of some observations you had been experiencing with your children...; most of which you do not appreciate, like, accept, take, comprehend nor wish to see it happening......etc.
Moreover, it is becoming more like a PAY BACK...
Are you taking revenge from yourself, you ex or his family or maybe yours...!!!
I am afraid OTHERS FROM BOTH SIDES are contributing a lot in this feeling in your heart...and with regret, they are doing it in a wrong manner...No reason..No Logic..No Feelings...
What I advise you to do is:
1) Not to take the issue PERSONALLY at all.
2) Not to let natural love of mothers gets away from your chest.
3) Not to keep going with the current feelings readily carried in heart. This is not healthy at all...
4) Not to deal with your kids on the basis of what they have become more than how they were....
5) Not to listen to destructive opinions around you at all. No matter what.... You will eventually be alone and no ones beside you when it comes for the real MOMENT OF TRUTH...
6) Not to forget the days with relevant feelings you had in your heart towards your children.
7) Not to forget the overwhelming happiness you felt when they were brought into this world....Dont make Victims out of them...
8) Not to forget how vulnerable they were when they were helpless little ones and you felt you would sacrifice your life for them; DEFENDING THEM ENDLESSLY... and just as well Vunerable up to this moment...
9) Not to forget they are still your responaibility just as it is the case with everyone else on the other side of the family...
10) Not to get carried out with the Negative Solution for the EASY WAY OUT...
On the other hand, I advise you
1) To try your best to come closer tho them
2) To make them FEEL you care
3) To let them UNDERSTAND what you are going through
4) To let them COMPREHEND the point you are reaching to where you show you DO NOT ACCEPT IT & WILL NOT ALLOW IT.
5) To take an advantage of some Occasions to show them you are still there and you have love in your heart towards them.
6) To make the Eldest understand exactly what it is for you to see her a grown up and to realize you know the feelings & emotions in her heart at that particular age...
7) To seek the middle one's assistance, asking her to take care of the Little one, and to be friends with the eldest one...
8) To show the little one some motherhood which he is just about to loose......
9) To stress on the concept of family and how much it meant to you....still means to you...and will for ever be meaning to you...
10) To make life easier for you, them and beforeall the other side of the family...Dad's Side still means a lot apparently to your children....
LET EVERYBODY UNDERSTAND WHAT HAS GONE HAS GONE AND IT IS HISTORY...
The future is what you should be looking at...and this will never be shown unless & until you find the proper time to spend the right time with the right amount with your children...
With regret...You are doing it the other way around....
Allow me to ask you one question....
If you receive a phone call right away, and somebody tells you your eldest daughter (God Forbids) has made an accident and she is in a critical condition, and she may not be able to make it......HOW WOULD YOU RE-ACT TO THIS.....
You know the answer and I need not to say more, BUT, I would ask you to bear in mind this WILL BE your feelings towards the one you feel most away from, then how about if it was a phone call towards the youngest......??????????????
Please resort to REASON & RATIONAL THINKING....
I am sure you will do the right thing...
And this will pay off in the future WHEN YOU START GETTING OLDER & OLDER....
Read this over & over again, and I don't care for the 10 Points at all....
2007-01-24 00:53:21 · answer #5 · answered by FOREVER AUTUMN 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don't understand you women,you give brith to these kids and now yall hate them.i have a daughter and two sons,and my daughter has 4 girls and dont care about hers and dont have them,i have to of the girls and the other to are with her ex.let me put it this way,they are not a pair of shoes.you went though hell in child birth.because god no that is not a walk in the park.and then you say you lose love and care for these kids.i dont care how my kids has doen me and they have belive me.i will always love and care and be there for them no matter what.you need to get on you knees and ask god for help.you cant blame the kids for what other people do.you be how you are raised.you have to teach they to love other people.
2007-01-23 23:59:41 · answer #6 · answered by rebecca_autry2003 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
thats really sad! dont lose contact with them! you will regret it later! and you've already missed on important years with them! maybe go and see a therapist or something to talk to!
2007-01-23 23:50:24 · answer #7 · answered by aa_fugitive 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋