Do tiny monkeys run the Internet?

Question

I was told that the internet works by tiny trained monkeys running up and down the wires delivering messages. When it runs slow, this is because the monkeys are getting tired. Is this true?

Answer 1

as a matter 'o'fact you are entirely correct. it is a little known fact that tiny monkeys infact run the internet. for every letter you type such as A, B, orC, capital or lower case a predetermined number of tiny monkeys will run the lenth of the cable to the designated reciever or as we like to call them in technical terms the " reciever "
when the monkeys make it to the " reciever " the recievers computer of coarse has to " compute " the number of monkeys which travelled in order to properly display whatever symbol was being transmitted. this sounds complicated but that is the beauty of it... it really isnt. because you see inside a computer is a tinny digital scale, a tiney sluice, and a tiny monkey shredding machine consisting of concentric rows of rotating blades alternatingly serraded and straight. the monkeys are filtered into this shredding machine or " monkey juicer " and concequently murdered and juiced. ( I know it sounds mean but it is a very slow death so the monkeys have plenty of time to remember fondly their little baby monkeys and monkey familys and maybe even get the opertunity to watch their monkey grandchilderen get proudly " juiced " )
the now juiced and no longer screaming monkeys are then transfered to the scale via the sluiceway. some times the sluice gets all gummed up from somany monkeys getting ground up that it needs to be cleaned. this is where the tiny minks come in to play. with their fluffy little tiny mink bodys they run up and down the sluice way untill it is all cleanned up......the minks are then promptly juiced and fed to other minks. it is a truely beautiful tapestry, each tiny little animal supporting the next. and all of them being run through the rotary blade machine dying a slow happy death.
some may say " that sounds kind of unfair for the little monkeys and minks"
hahahahahaha...... laughable. it is quite fair because you see. the deaths of these millions of tiny soulless animals provide us with a mild convienience.
like being able to masturbate to new pornography everyday without having to buy it. or masturbating to new pornography everyday and subscribing to some of our favorite sites. or even simply masturbating while surfing a childerens chat room. either way I think we can all a gree that millions of dead monkeys sure do make masturbation a whole lot easier.

Answer 2

1)A Novels Shorter Than A Book And There Is Different Types Of Book And Only One Type Of Novel 2)Any Age 3)Yes They Have To 4)No They Only Own The LAND 5)Yes 6)They Didnt Have Time To Fully Evolve 7)Cause Not Alot Of Glue Sticks To Plastic/Glass 8)Hence It Being Called Unsolved Mysteries 9)No They Just Have Legs 10)Cause If There Was A Emergency That Was A Women In A Labour She Would Need To Get Out Fast Using The Emergency Exit And You Wouldnt Need To Go Out So You Would Need To Not Be There 11)They May Have Being Painted Or Special 12)Neither 13)Cause Its A Cartoon 14)Yes 15)Ha Ha 16)Cause Duck Has Two Meanings 17)I Dont Think They Do (Depends If You Have Insurance I Think) 18)No 19)No Thats Ridiculous 20)No Just A Fortune Teller 21)Dont Ask Me Ask Them 22)Yes You Just Have No Tears 23)Whos Gonna Go In With No Pants 24)No Cause They Cant Change Their Accent And Theyre Animals 25) A Special Chemical Thats In Gum 26)The Patient Cause The Other Doctor Is Dead 27)Cause Its Soothing To The Baby 28)Languages Are Crazy 29)She Didnt Cause Her Face Paint Would Come Off 30)Yes Because Its Hygene 31)Cause If You Dont Realise Theyre Sleeping Pills Youll Know Now 32)No Thats Crazy Talk 33)Its A Talent Of His 34) No They Call It A Sit down 35)No 36)Both 37)Hes Intelligent 38)They Dont 39)A Chemical 40)Cause They Can Check The Paint They Can't Check The Stars 41)Cause They May Have A Low Life Expectancy 42)Any Way To Use The Word Hell People Will Use It 43)No 44)He Is Still The Queen 45)Cause Red As A Colour Simbols Danger Or Importance 46)Chess Is A Hobby Not A Sport 47)Because You Cant Help Drooling But You Can Help Spitting 48)The One It Felt Most Comfortable In 49)No 50)Yes 51)Yes 52)Cause Thats A Old American Accent 53)Cause They Should Be More Mature At A Higher Age 54)Cause A Easter Duck Would Be Stupid 55)No 56)Because They Used To Be Made Out Of Marble 57)Youd Be Caught In The Middle 58)Yes 59)By Counseling Themselves 60)Cause Fries Have A Saltier Texture 61) A Magic Black Hole 62)Less Light 63)The Unluckiness Overcomes The Black Cat 64)Because They May Not Be Able To Drive A Boat 65)God Knows (Ask Him) 66)By Struggling 67)Cause It Would Go All Wrinkly 68)No 69)Youve Already Asked Me This 70)Cry 71)Which Pupils 72)Youve Asked This Aswell 73)Because He Might Like The Taste Of Hand-Honey 74)Your Very Unlucky 75)No 76)Cause You Can Squeeze To Get The Last Drop Out Of Ketchup Packets But You Cant To A Bottle 77)No 78)You Get Half The Punishment 79)You Never Know 80)You Can Barely See Anything 81)Changes To 19 82)It Gets Boring 83)It Dont Have A Shape 84)Depends If Its A Christian Court 85)You May No Know Its Peanut Butter 86)Both 87)Yes 88)Ask God 89)Its Just A Name

Answer 3

Actually Al Gore runs the internet... and as monkeys go, he's fairly untrained, so I'd say that would account for the slow times...

Answer 4

You are so wrong. The internet runs slow because you've got trainee monkeys on the line.

It takes time for them to get 'The knowlege'!

Answer 5

Do you not mean verticaly challenged primates?Actually it is mice than run around in wheels that power the internet,Oh and hamsters when there is a big demand.

Answer 6

yes, although its a bit unfair to give allthe credit to monkeys. They get lots of help from squirrals and hamsters.

I know this, i've been feeding them for years behind my desk.

Answer 7

this is the wrong section for this question it should be in wildlife animals as we cannot control these from monkey world.

Answer 8

Yes thats true and they feed on USBananas

Answer 9

They aren't really that small- I'd say 'compact', not 'tiny'- you have to be politically correct, remember.

Answer 10

Has anyone informed the ASPCA about this?