I have a problem of lack of self confidence even in my area of expertise. I am negative and hopeless at times?

Question

I am a highly learned person occupying a senior government position but I do not enjoy my work or life because of being negative. I luck self confidence even in subjects I am considered an expert. I feel inadequate and lacking in something and this feeling is so deeply entrenched in me that I cannot get out of it. When I am given a challenging project to do, I fail because of lack of confidence and so leadership of the project is given to someone else who is my junior. This hurts and frustrates me. Please advise me how I can change all this for the better so that I can enjoy work and life. How can I change the negativity to positivity so that I can grow and prosper in my profession. Please advise. Thank you

Answer 1

I think you may be suffering from depression. Feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty are common. Everybody except the most arrogant of us feels them from time to time, even in areas we know we are competant.

First, it may seem irrelevant but it can make a big difference to your mental well being, consider your diet and exercise. Physical and mental health are closely interwoven, if you ensure that you are eating properly, you know 5 portions of fruit and veg, 1.5 litres of water, regular exercise, that can make you feel much better.

Second, don't allow yourself to dwell on the negative thought. Look at all the sucesses you have, you have risen to a high postion in your profession, don't dwell on your failures either real or imagined. The only people who have no failures in life are people who never try to do anything.

There was a techinque I used a lot when I was temping in the UK. I went into to each new job acting as though I was exactly the person they needed and by far the best suited to the position even when I didn't have the faintest idea what the job was about. It was amazing how often I turned out to be right, I was the best suited to the job. You may be able to adapt this technique. If when you are given a challenging task you act as though it's lucky they gave it to you as nobody else could possibly do it as well, you may convince everybody, including yourself, and as you know deep down that you are capable of doing your job, you wouldn't have it if you were, and it's just confidence that is defeating you, once you rediscovered your ability your confidence will begin to grow.

Good luck

Answer 2

You must learn that you really don't lack self confidence... and also learn that it can be GOOD to be wrong... because you aren't lacking anything except this belief. You're simply wrong about the statement you're giving. Either way you look at it, for example your basic statement is "I have a problem of lack of self confidence."

Now stop, and ask yourself... "are you sure?"

If you answer YES, notice how much confidence is in your answer. More likely than not you are pretty confident about your lack of self confidence. Which tells you that you aren't lacking it, you're just putting it in the wrong place.

If you answered "no" ... then great.. because you're doubting your lack of self confidence... which I encourage you do.

Now... begin to really feel all the things you've EASILY accomplished, and notice throughout most of them you've probably just DONE them. You weren't worried that something may go wrong, you probably didn't even think about it, other than to do things that would prevent the wrong-doings.

Lets switch around the first sentence you gave and already you can begin to FEEL BETTER.

"I do not enjoy my work or life because of being negative, but I am a highly learned person occupying a senior government position."

The problem is clearly not lack of self confidence, it's that up until now you have been thinking more negatively than positively, and that will influence anyone's actions and thoughts into unpleasant ones.

Focus on the positive aspects of everything you do... whatever you are focusing on, you're bring more of to you. If you focus on what you don't want, you'll get it...

I want you to --not-- do what I tell you to do next-----
Do not, whatever you do... think of a big brown dog!

You did. Even though you didn't want to.

Just focus on what you DO want. You want to be more positive, then focus on the positive parts. Negativity isn't even in the equation... so let those go... if you find yourself thinking negatively, just switch to a more positive thought... and with practice, after a while the negative thoughts will automatically be pushed away.

Answer 3

confidence is not a thing to be bought from a store or get it from others and on the other hand no one can help a person except
himself. so , first of all try to believe yourself and then to get the confidence try to repeat to yourself that you are great and everynight before going to bed, mediate for sometime and imagine yourself in a position you like to be. try to do it two or three time in a day.

Answer 4

Your question is how to change from being negative to being positive. I will ask questions which may help you out, i.e. I will attempt to use questions to help in my own little way.

1. Do you like what you are doing? Are you enthusiastic? If not then that may be the problem.

2. Is it fear? Has something happened to you in the past that has created in you the fear of failure?

3. Do you have people who appreciate you around? Your spouse, friends, kid? You will need their help to get out of these negative rounds. As people appreciate you, your self esteem will improve.

4.Do you volunteer to carry out projects by yourself? Begin to volunteer for tasks you like to do. With this, you will gradually build confidence in yourself. When you begin to take initiative, then your strength and skill will find expression.

5. Do you do your best on any task you are given? Get assistance from other people - if possible away from your organisation, to evaluate whatever you are doing.

6. Do you have a plan to change things?When one has a problem, it is good to see it as a puzzle that needs to be solved. Remove your focus from the problem and look at what you may do to get out of it. Get a plan to change things.

7. Do people look down on you? I doubt it. If they did, you may not have got up to the senior position. So maybe others believe in you but you dont believe in yourself. You MUST believe in yourself.

8. Do you have past achievements? I am sure you have times when you have excelled, when you have done noteworthy things. Try and look back at such times for the confidence and courage to get over these times.

. Do you believe you can change? You used words like "cannot get out of it" I hope you really dont mean it. If you do I will like you to change your outlook. You CAN change. You are a great person - these things that hold you down are not strong enough to remove the fact that you are a great person. You need to understand that fact.

10. Play with your kid or kids - Sounds stupid?Well I find out if we study kids and watch out they react to issues, we tend to learn. See how kids try to achieve "stupid" things, see how they are happy when they do achieve it, and how they go on to continue with life when they have achieved it.

With time, you can achieve that picture of a self-confident, strong and high-impact person you desire.

Answer 5

I absolutel agree with imposilbl...............what we focus on gets bigger.........and as yu are changing your focus try this....have a thought move a muscle...marry the two, moving a muscle is a prompt for me to change my focus....

Answer 6

I have a similar problem too.I also need help.Goodluck to us as we seek help.