Some people out their are kinda on another planet not all of you, but some of you. My Story... I met and fell in love with a woman and she was what I thought at the time, everything. She had selfish attributes but didn't let them get me down in the beginnining. C.R came along, we married soon after and a few years later J.A be it by accident, came along but loved none the less to bits. Over the period of these years she became more selfish and very loveless towards me. Years of constant rejection and knock backs just took its toll on me. I then took her on a surprise break to Paris in a desperate attempt to get my marriage on track. This did nothing in the long run but a smile on her face on the weekend in question. Some other selfish things by her shortly afterwards finally broke me. I decided the time was right and though heartbreaking at time moved on. Now I'm the one having to fight for access to see my kids. I can sleep at night but can she? Am I such a bad person for walking out?
2007-01-23 20:13:54 · 20 answers · asked by SuperDAD 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My partner took a lot of the same thing in his first marriage for years and then he finally decided to leave. His daughter was only a baby at the time but he thought that it would be the right time to leave. I think that if someone is acting that selfish and loveless it's hard to get a relationship back on track. I've been through so much with my partner and he had to fight for 3 years before he got regular contact with his child which cost him a lot of money and caused a lot of stress. I grew up without my dad and I've often said that if we ever break up I would never stop him having contact with our daughter because I know what its like to be stuck in the middle and to miss my dad. I don't think you are bad for walking out if you felt in yourself it was the right thing to do. Better than your children seeing all the selfishness and anger directed at you as well. Good luck, I hope you get the contact with your kids that you want, it just takes time.
2007-01-23 20:22:53 · answer #1 · answered by JoJi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all i am sorry to hear this. I really dont know what i could say to make you feel any better. I can only explain my own experience and hope you draw some strength from it. My parent went through a bad break up that lasted about 2 years. My father left but i was old enough that i could make up my own decision. I have a really good relationship with him and i love him so much but at this time both my parents were saying thinks to me about each other, i hated it. I would say try to be the better person out of this whole thing. Dont bring her down as your kids will only turn on you. Also try to be kind and understanding to her, after all you did fall in love with something about her to start with. I dont know what you might think about this but ask her out to lunch. Sit her down and explain why you left in a crowded place so no arguments can start. Explain you still love you kids and try to come to some agreement. I am really sorry you are going through this and i hope all is well in the future. X
2007-01-23 21:09:26 · answer #2 · answered by lisa G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Selfish? What do you mean by that? If she was going out on you, that was wrong not selfish, and that would justify leaving. I don't really understand why you left so I can't say if you were right or wrong. The only thing I can tell you is that your kids need you. my daughter is 16 and her father hasn't been in her life for the last 13 years. She cries alot and feels abandoned by him and his family. This is not good for children. Do all that you can to ensure a close relationship with your children. Don't let anything keep you from being there for them. You will have to have some kind of civil relationship with their mother. Remember they need you no matter what happens between you and their mother.
2007-01-23 20:50:18 · answer #3 · answered by Blessed7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not a bad person
look if you stayed with her just for the kids then you where looking for trouble cause you was not going to be happy and from the looks of it she was not to
so If you would have stayed the sooner or later there would have been fights and that is the wrong thing you want your kids to see
so hang in there you will see your kids cause from what I can tell you are the good guy and it is her lost not your
Keep your head up don't try to get full custody cause the court will not take the kids from there mom
but if you just ask for visitation right you will get that and she will have to let you see them or if not then you take her back and try getting full custody
hope you see your kids so you can get some rest
2007-01-23 20:40:07 · answer #4 · answered by yomom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not a bad person, you did the only thing left you could do. I think men get a raw deal most of the time when it comes to the kids. for some reason all the rights and stuff lay with the mother, and i think if you love your kids you should be able to see them as often as you like ( as long as it doesnt disrupt any school or any thing ) You obviously tried to work your relationship out and it didnt work, it just wasnt meant to be, but your still a fab dad by the sound of it. Just make sure your kids know you will always be there and never make them feel they have to choose between you and their mum...they will resent you for it down the line. sort all that stuff out with your ex, or solicitors.!!!
2007-01-23 20:39:13 · answer #5 · answered by emma p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cannot flog yourself to death after the event,,assuming you both tried the end result was the relationship still failed,,it happens,,yes,she probably feels bad too as no one sets out to get divorced but she may also see it as it was you who chose to leave,,what you see as your problem she may also see as hers and unless you have spoken already about it the both of you will feel the other is to blame.she has the children and you want access,,you have two options without it getting nasty,,1,talk to her (properly) and see if ANY decision can be reached between you for the kids sake OR 2, go through the courts for access which once a judge sets cannot be changed without her getting in trouble,,judges do not like it when their rulings are not followed.you are not a bad person but you did chose to leave,,people do it every day and better that than two waring parents making the kids unhappy.
2007-01-23 22:40:08 · answer #6 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One has to be cautious in marrying a person. In Western Society, at least, u have the facility of living in for reasonable time frame before going in for marriage. Endure. Find pleasure elsewhere.
2007-01-23 21:54:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your not a bad person u have done the right thing shes only doing this 2 hurt u your kids no u love them it will work out if u need 2 shout scream jump up & down or just sound off u no we r here take care hun x
2007-01-23 20:24:37 · answer #8 · answered by hayley m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no question in your words, there is only pain, and it really hurts, because sometimes I feel that I'm treating my husband same way as your wife did, I don't know why, I do love him, but I've become some kind of cruel person after having two babies, maybe it's because of all that psychological stress that comes during pregnancy, I don't know!
2007-01-23 22:59:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not. Make sure you fight the fight for your kids, because she will just fight you to make it hard for you. She will not be doing it for the best interest of the children. Stay strong and remember your kids when times get tough and that will get you through. Good luck
2007-01-23 22:21:53 · answer #10 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋