Im a lesbian...me and my ex gf just started dating again. She says that she thinks things will keep going good between us. But since we had problems before, I am leary and I ask a lot of questions and tell her she isn't serious about what she says about us and she doesn't like that and when I say to her I want things to keep getting better between us, she says "they will if you relax".....what does she mean by that?? Serious answers only please....don't get smart.
2007-01-23 19:11:50 · 12 answers · asked by nothing2express 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
As long as you keep criticizing her commitment to your relationship, you're only CREATING more stress between you two.
Every time you say something negative it grows into negative feelings for your girlfriend.
If you would back off with the criticizing, asking questions all the time and telling her that she's not serious, maybe you might actually allow your relationship to grow into something POSITIVE and healthy.
Your negativity is not healthy.
You need to be more encouraging, supportive, positive, trusting....if you want this to work at all.
2007-01-23 19:19:42 · answer #1 · answered by DEATH 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's natural to be on the lookout for something to go wrong, it did before and you're thinking "why wouldn't it happen again?" But you have to know that if you continue acting like this she will get annoyed and probably leave. Do you distrust her or is there just a lot of paranoia there? You have to find out what went wrong the first time and why. Once you figure out the why, try to figure out, ok, has that changed and can I really expect the same thing to happen. If you don't feel anything has changed, or are not sure, then maybe you really need to not be in this relationship. It's not good for either of you if one of you is uncomfortable all the time. Even if it's nothing, if you can't relax, then there is definitely something wrong, whether or not you know what it is, and you need to take a break until you realize what you want and what makes you happy. I hope this helps.
By the way, just out of curiosity, why did you feel the need to announce you were a lesbian? No big deal, I was just expecting part of the problem to center around that, like maybe she went straight for awhile. I was just a little thrown. Good Luck!
2007-01-23 19:20:05 · answer #2 · answered by #1 Buckeye Fan!!!! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it obvious?
You don't trust her. I think that you might be seeing a pattern that she has that gives you red flags.
Why don't you trust your feelings ( at the risk of sounding like Star Wars ) . You don't believe that you can hold on to her, and I tend to think that you are right.
So ask yourself, what is it that she does to make you so uncertain? This is not to be discussed with her at this point. This is for you to get to know yourself. So be busy with your life, and hopefully you will see certain things within yourself that needs changing. That's really where the focus is, it's you. If you are not trusting her with little cause, then you should discover that. If you have a good reason why not to trust her, then name it. Put a name on it. If you can't trust her, then she will probably go through life with partners that do not trust her.
But you are the problem to you if you don't qualify what it is that is bothering you.
I would like to know if I can help. If I can help, e-mail me.
2007-01-23 21:01:39 · answer #3 · answered by Christian Sinner 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is the party that doesn't want to talk and you are the party who talks too much.
Communication is key to any relationship, but you are going to drive her crazy trying to constantly psychoanalyze everything.
Try focusing on only a few key issues, and only bring it up when it actually is a problem. On some level I'm sure she realizes these things need to be discussed, but there is a time and a place for everything.
Good luck, I wish you and you gf all the best, together or apart.
2007-01-23 19:28:25 · answer #4 · answered by IamBatman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once bitten twice shy. I understand how you feel. You want to be "relax" but your guards are way up - from being rejected, made use of and get hurt again.
If she cant make you less weary, then she is not ready to re-commit. Be friends. That way, your guard is still up but abit down. If the relationship dont work out, the rejection is not great and the pain lesser.
2007-01-23 19:19:18 · answer #5 · answered by gs04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I keep hearing the same thing. I think it means "things take time" and I want things instantly. So that "take it easy line" always makes me nervous - because the changes I want to see never come to pass.
Good Luck
2007-01-23 19:15:43 · answer #6 · answered by freshbliss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What broke you two up in the first place? Sounds like a trust issue to me and that she's going to have to earn it. That will take time but I'd quit questioning her and let her actions, over time, speak for themselves.
2007-01-23 19:16:15 · answer #7 · answered by Incognito 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she's telling you to slow down. She needs time to get into a serious relationship. I think that if you continue to push her you may lose her.
2007-01-23 20:59:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's easy,you are being too pushy and mistrustful,it seems you want an instant perfect love connection but she wants to take it slow, even i can sense that by your writing.
2007-01-23 19:21:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
relax and enjoy your chosen life style.don't worry about your decision its too late now
2007-01-23 20:35:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋