How can you accept yourself if you don't like the person who you've become ?

Question

I told someone that it didn't matter if I was having fun or not that there alwayz seems to be a negative energy. She asked what I meant by that & I couldn't seem to find the words... never really thought of how to word it cuz I've lived w/ it for as long as I can remember. I think that it has to do w/ low self-esteem, low self confidence, etc. I don't like who I am. I told her bout how I thought that my Mom seemed to be embarassed bout me cuz of 2 ocassions when I danced. One was @ a personal care Home in a boardroom (patients were all gone to bed & only a few staff were working & my Mom said that they were watching. At a New Year's Eve dance I was dancing hip hop (no one else was) & I was also wearing a mask & a Happy New Year hat (I saw one other person wearing one). I wanted to have fun so that's why I was wearing those. I don't care what peeps thought of me. After all, life is too short. This lady said that I set myself up :s

s I think that if I was doing things in the “norm” that I STILL wouldn’t be able to make friends. I never used to be like this when I was in skewl… & I only made friends through other friends. After all, when I was shy in skewl I never woulda done these types of things. Why is that peeps can do things that are outta the norm & still be liked ? Is it cuz they already have friends ? Like if a person wore their clothes inside out & backwards (I know someone who did that) they’d still be able to be who they wanted to be cuz they WEREN’T loners. If you shouldn’t care what other peeps think, (which you shouldn’t) then why should I have to change just to fit in ? Btw, she said that I’m prob seeking attn. Then I said that if that’s true then it’s prob cuz I don’t have many friends & it’s hard for me to make friends. What do you think bout this ?

She was tryna tell me that I'm not depressed. It's this negative feeling inside that I've lived w/ for as long as I can remember that makes living life so HARD ! Esp when things aren't going my way (which seems like it never is) When I said that I felt the same way everyday (negative energy) well, she later said something bout me accepting myself. How can I do that ? I feel like my Mom treats me as if I'm younger than my 22 & 18 yr old sis's & that I'm alwayz left out, getting picked out by cuz's (which sometimes makes me wish I didn't come fr that fam), feeling like everyone's ganging up on me, feeling that my Mom is embarassed by me, that no one wants me around, that I'm treated diff'tly cuz I'm not liked as much as other fam members... I was tryna take the car seat out of the van but I wasn't allowed 2, but when our sis came in the van (I'm smaller than her, she's 22) if she got in the van first they prob wouldn't have said anything. If I came later they mighta said to me to not go.

Sorry for the long Q... I really didn't think it'd be this long. Even started to type it out on Word so I could c&p it on here.

By suggesting the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (which is a type of book that I like to read) you reminded me of a book that I got for Christmas (early Christmas gift actually) How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Thanx for reminding me bout that book. I knew that it was a good book cuz someone mentioned it to me b/f. I had a very old copy that I didn't pay much for ( .25 maybe) I almost forgot that I HAD it cuz my sis gave me it so long ago ! (Nov) Thanx for suggesting that other book too. I plan on reading it :)

********** STILL WOULD LIKE SOME MORE INPUT FOLKS !!! **********
TY ! :)

Btw, the lady who said that these things to me (seeking attn, that I set myself up) is a counselor. I think that basically she's saying that I should do things that are in the NORM to be accepted... But why should I have to change for other peeps ??? I can't believe that this counselor would even say this to me !!! (I THINK that she said for me to do things in the norm.) When I go see her again next wk we're gonna talk bout this again. I'm glad to see that there are some more answers :) I like the answers that I've read & if I could read more A's like this, well, I'm just glad to read that there are peeps who are basically saying that I shouldn't change for anyone. THANK YOU EVERYONE !!!! :D

Btw, the song was hip hop but I didn't see anyone else who knew how to dance hip hop. I wanted to apply my new dance skills that I've learned in the past few mos @ a dance & not just @ hip hop lessons. There was a guy who was dancing hip hop cuz he wanted to show that he could dance too. I even wanted to go & dance w/ him, even tho I have no idea who he is.

Answer 1

A measure of a person is not in his/her ability to be social, to conform, to work, to dance, etc but instead his his/her ability to raise when he/she has fallen. You must be like a bamboo tree; it will bend but never break.

You say you do not "accept yourself" but the essence of self is not permanent, but instead in constant change both mentally and physically. This constant change is evident in nature as well from the grass on the fields to the stars above we are all in constant universal change. The Buddhists call it Annica: impermanence. You are changing everyday every moment even until the very last breath, you will be in a constant state of change mentally, physically, and spiritually. But it is up to you, your actions that will determine whether the change is favorable or not.

Small incidents such as your New Years dance does not reflect who you are, who you are is what your ideals are, your passions, your thoughts, compassion, beliefs, etc. Do not despair over small things for you are much bigger then that l can sense it in your writing you do not comply you are unique and I find great value in those two traits.

Place more importance on your education both in college and in life, friends come and go, people are rude, there will be other dances, but you only have 1 life to find your unique purpose which is attained through both experience and education. Wisdom and knowledge are admirable traits and is one step closer to the cessation of suffering.

Peace

Relax your young, open the windows breath in the air, go walking, read a good book, (NexT Michael Crichton wonderful book), plan your goals and priorities. My father taught me two lessons : Act on what you say always, Blind truth and belief is for the simple minded, always investigate and reason.

Answer 2

A human being is made up of two parts the body and the Soul. The body gives one the appearance and the things related to the physical activities while the Soul controlls ones internal thoughts and related activities. The Soul is always pure and good, but, sometimes the physical requirements of the body or certain compulsions or forces mis-utilize the body to such an extent that the soul also gets subside. Now the body alone is the master for controlling all the activities . However, sometimes under the influence of good and pious thoughts or by the grace of almighty the soul regains its strength and now the body starts to repent. Therefore, at no time your Soul was bad and you need not repent so much. Now, you can come back to your actual life and try to become a true human being by doing all good things.

Answer 3

It is evident that you are trying to learn how to be more open and carefree. The process of learning about ourselves can sometimes be embarassing to ourselves and others. But, we can't let that stop us. If we have caused harm in any way, we should apologize and explain ourselves. Do not feel bad about who you are and keep trying. By being aware of the fact that you feel this way, you are two-thirds of the way there. I am one of those people that would have danced the wrong dance at an occassion. The people that love me accept the way I am and those that don't; won't. As long as I cause no harm, am trying to do the riight thing and feel good about myself at the end of the day; I will keep on expressing myself. Be who you are, grow more everyday, change your reception of what others think of you, show others your heart and always remember that you are a unique person with special gifts to offer. Self-acceptance is one of the hardest things to achieve and it takes practice and time. But remember that some of the greatest contributors to the world were people that did not conform to what society considered normal. Also remember that those norms change as often as people change their underwear. Live life, laugh, love your friends and family, rejoice in your accomplishments and use your mistakes to learn how to improve yourself. Life is too short to beat yourself up over little indescretions and too long to not live it. May God bless you.

Answer 4

Why are you putting so much emotional pressure on yourself? Divert your negative thoughts, put your energy into something you enjoy (like a hobby or something) without having to look for validation from people all the time. Do positive things and positive thoughts will follow. Remember, you are what you think. Nobody and nothing is perfect, so don't punish yourself anymore. Cheer up sweetie, a little at a time and dance all you like! And don't judge your Mom or other people on judging you. They're being themselves and you should just be yourself too, find yourself and be content. Best of luck.

Answer 5

Have you considered psychoanalysis. therapy consists of an intense period of of psychoanalysis which could be one hour a day for a number of years, or two hours a week for a number of years, or two hours a week untill termination of treatment.

An example of a classic set up of psychoanalysis: the patient lays on the sofa facing away from the therapist and rambles on about what comes to mind (free association). This free association, if done properly, hits on and brings unconscious material to the conscious level, often in symbolic form. it is the therapists role to recognise the unconscious material that surfaces and give an interpretation of it's meaning. in the process of psychoanalysis the patient may go through a number of other additional processes such as: transference (becoming attached to or angry with the therapist- often a displacement of the feelings that the individual feels for a significant other, eg mother, father, lover etc.) resistance (denying the validity of the therapists interpretations) insight (acceptance of the therapist's interpretations)

This exposure and coming to terms with unconscious conflict is believed to have beneficial effect on the individual, for not only do they understand the basis of their behavior and emotional reactions, they can also resolve conflicts that have been disrupting their life and give-up defenses. they have the opportunity to change their psychological map by choosing a life course appropriate to them, as well as having the extra energy previously invested in the maintanence of the defense systems at their disposal to enhance their life circumstances. This type of therapyan be a long and arduous process, and often has an inherent cost faqctor as a great many change processes have.

Answer 6

well, ur great. Truly, truly great person. You're not an attention seeker, you're not negative and you're positive, fun to be with and bubly but. ...................shy and sensitive. That's what you are (sorry to hurt your feelings but please read to the end ) .
ok, I have this friend who apologizes a lot ( i was like that too) and she's not wrong at all. i told her don't apologize it's ur right u'll get it (i'm still working on her though) .
Allora. Yu're fine. Just because u love to dance doesn't mean you're abnormal. you are above normal . Because you are intelligent, nice, sensitive and funny.
ppl just don't like those who are different. I used to face severe criticism from my family (and strange as it is you remind me of my past) and i overcame it by being myself , by telling myself CONSTANTLY that I'm good, that i have friends and that ppl like me and there's nothing wrong with me at all.
Go for it girl you really need it.
you know what , I once ran in college (while noone was in sight) with a friend of mine. we raced each other. it was fun. really. i loved the idea. Concerning dancing i try to dance in special occasions (with the presence of my family and with friends). It was in NEW YEAR 'S DAY and i wanted to dance badly and no one wanted to dance with me. so i got up and began dancing (all alone the dance floor was empty) and danced for a while . A family joined me and we kept dancing the night and i got to know one of the girls in the family. Wow, that was great really.
Have fun , don't u care about what ppl say. Its not important and believe in yurself and your abilities . you can do it and you can have more friends. it's not bad to know friends through ur friends. this way you'll get to know more and more friends and you'll widen the circle of your friends.
u know what idid the same now i'm not lonely anymore. I also have friends , too many. I was loved but i was lonely because i didn't find the right ppl. so i wasnt myself. i discovered the funny side in me and found out i was lovable and made friends easy.
well , good luck and keep me informed (i would like to be ur friend if u don't mind) i find u my type

Answer 7

not everyone will appreciate you for what and who you are. If you do things differently, it's true that in the eyes of other people, you may be seeking attention. But what should matter is what your perception of yourself is. I once felt the same way as you. But by being PROACTIVE, I started to view things differently. Start to RESPOND instead of REACTing to other's perception.for example, instead of reacting (feeling sorry or offended) to what you perceived to be your mom being embarassed by your dancing, why not respond by trying to look at it in her point of view? It's like this, when your in traffic and someone's keep on trying to overtake you or keeps changing lanes, instead of thinking he's an as*&%^le why not think that maybe he's got an emergency for acting the way he did.... hope you get my point. There's a book by stephen covey that you may want to try --- seven habits of highly effective people. Try it! it might change your life.

Answer 8

It is obvious from your question that you like yourself it is just the fact that you are looking for people to approve of the way that you see yourself. As I see it if they don't approve then they aren't worth having around because they are the ones that are attempting to bring down your self-esteem. If it feels good to you so be it. The only one that you need to seek approval from in your life is you, you know what makes you happy and what not.

You shouldn't have to change just be yourself and there will be people that will see you for that and want to be friends with you.

Answer 9

You can't....don't beleive everyone who says you can change, etc. because you are who you are...you need to figure out a way to come to grips with that...today, everyone wants to be someone else - the guy with the hot girlfriend, the movie star, the lottl winner, but all of these come with their own problems
Just accept who you are and enjoy life..Some people are happiest when they are miserable.

Answer 10

look ,
if u wanna solve a problem then you have to clarify this problem and begin cleaning it from the roots by correcting the mistaken parts.,and try to form a paradigm for your self guiding you to a good personality,and remember that you r going to be all right time by time not suddenly but you have to remark your improvement...try some reading maybe
thnks