We try to talk, but her mother has really done a number on her. She will just cry and raise her voice and spin the conversation away from the real subject. Hey---I am no perect angel, but I am a darn good loving husband and awesome dad. She has very low self-esteem. I compliment her all the time, because I know what her mother has done. Much better with her mother now, but damage done. She has been on meds for awhile, but it still is not the loving side we need as a family. She has attempted outside jobs and hobbies, but gives up even with our support. Don't let me paint a horrible situation, just 70% of the time. I love her to death and I am scared. Now what?
2007-01-23 18:11:16 · 10 answers · asked by Ironpony7429 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If she's this depressed and you're this depressed, what effect is this toxic environment having on your children? If you're the awesome dad you claim to be, you'll put your own selfish concerns aside and focus on how the kids are coping with so much darkness in the house. Ask yourself which is better for them: hanging together in a dysfunctional-but-tight family, or getting out from under the madness in a painful-but-liberating split? This will give you a better idea of the right thing to do than any amount of online whining to strangers. Only you can know what you need to do ... but whatever that may be, you owe it to your children (and yourself, and your wife) to DO IT and stop just watching your life unroll like a bad movie.
2007-01-23 18:54:51 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Right 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody's perfect but you seem to be a very loyal and loving man. I know a lot of people who would have just thrown in the towel and divorced the woman.
My advice to you is to pray about it. Pray and keep supporting her. Earlier emotional scars are hard to heal and take time. You seem to be an exceptionally patient man. She needs professional help like a counselor or a self help group of some sort. Especially if she is on medication and that isn't working. I'm glad to hear it's not all the time, so that must mean the two of you do have good times. But the woman really needs help, especially since there are children involved because if this is affecting you it has to be affecting them as well. Both of you need to think about the kids and she needs to get help. Has she ever tried or contemplated suicide? I pray she hasn't but she needs help none the less. I wish you both all the best.
2007-01-23 18:18:32 · answer #2 · answered by ladystarrchild107 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's gotta be tough for you, having to take care of her. I'm sure she's sometimes a bigger challenge than kids. If she's on med.s. Maybe it's not for the right reason. Is she bi-polar? Maybe since she gives up anything out side of the home she has anxiety issues. That's treatable too. I think as for trying to talk, since she seems to be unreasonable at times you need to tell her how to talk and listen. Last time I got into a fight with my hubby I made it a point to listen to everything he said. I actually listened, then he listened to me. (That normally doesn't happen.)Try talking through all the issues she has first. Then yours. I'm picturing a woman who was abused and didn't have any love as a child and doesn't know how to handle affection. I'm sorry things are that way for you two and I think that your wife is really lucky to have you.
2007-01-23 18:31:26 · answer #3 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to get all churchy on you but she sounds like she needs to know she is unique and beautiful and a masterpiece to God. That who she is, imperfect as she is, is ok. That she is loved and accepted even if her mother was off the wall. I had a similar mother and deal with issues concerning her and she did a number on me and let me tell you what brought me "peace"....knowing that I am accepted and loved truly. That I'm forgiven and that I will not find my identity in my clothes or hobby or career or even in many ways as a mother or wife, but as a perfectly imperfect loved creation of God. I'm sorry if that goes against your beliefs but that is what truly helped me. It has been over 7 years since I learned who I really was to God and I have found that peace and it saved my marraige. I look at things so different and truly TRULY appreciate my husband and his patience more than I ever did. Hubby had a hornet on a string with me and didn't know WHAT to do with me. He was so good to me and I was so angry. So insecure! So confused and lost. I would turn on him and take it out on him. I'm so blessed he stuck with me and was patient. My advice, perhaps encourage her to seek a relationship with God. It can bring the peace you seem to be looking for for her.
2007-01-23 18:22:56 · answer #4 · answered by sheepinarowboat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could she be suffering from a depression disorder?
Is so, I watched a program about this on Discovery. This one man in Alberta, Canada discovered a natural vitamin supplement to help people like this. I can't remember any of the specifics, but you could do a search and check it out.
I know that they talked about depression and the company is based in Alberta, Canada. Maybe you could use that to begin your search.
Sorry that I can't help more, but I am SO busy at school.
2007-01-23 18:26:43 · answer #5 · answered by A dad & a teacher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough. sounds like you're doing the best you can in a broken situation. we can only do so much then we need to think about ourselves. we can be strong inside like a new car engine but the conditions outside can weaken your performance. you need to think about the damage that you and your family could be enduring.
2007-01-23 18:28:35 · answer #6 · answered by diem 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her away from her mother. You're right the damage is done, but there is help.
2007-01-23 18:15:54 · answer #7 · answered by Havana Brown 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
has she ever had any therapy? does she even know her low self worth has been caused by her mom? we can't change what we don't acknowledge. she gives up because she thinks she can't do it. therapy might do her wonders, if she was willing to open up to someone and tell the truth.
2007-01-24 02:39:09 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get counseling
and move if you still live near the mum.
2007-01-23 18:26:37 · answer #9 · answered by older mum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what u feel
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2007-01-23 18:21:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋