Should I be more upset with my husband?

Question

I have only been married for 8 months and I am young (21) but things have already happened in my marriage that most women wouldnt stand for. My husband is in the armed forces and while he was away (before we were married) he had a night where he cheated on me with two different women. He came home and I thought everything was great! We were married and happy! We found out that he was going to be stationed in Korea for 1 year and I didnt have a problem with him going and me staying home. Here is the problem, he didnt tell me he cheated until about 4 months into our marriage. My husband and I have been together for 7 years before marriage and I cannot just leave him.

I feel tricked and betrayed. Not only did he cheat I found out I am pregnant so that only makes this harder. I just pushed it all too the side and now I think he thinks he got away with it.

Answer 1

Should you be more upset? Sounds like you are upset. Not to mention if your pregnant then it seems like our emotions are magnified. You have to learn to trust again. I found that dreading on something only makes it worst. If you have only known about this for the last 4 months, it could takes years to get over it. You need to talk about your feelings with your husband. Tell him your worries and that the trust issue has been broken. See what he has to say. He did tell you about it, that is a good thing. After you and your husband talk about this, pray. Ask God to forgive him for what he had done. And then ask God to let you heal, and to help you release your bitterness and to forgive your husband. It worked for me. Good luck and congrats on your baby.

Answer 2

I am going thru this same situation with my husband. I've been married 5yrs and found out that he had a one night stand while we were engaged and to top it off I was pregnant at the time of the affair. He chose to lie to me for years about and just recently he accidentally slipped up and told me the truth. I feel a complete loss of power and just you, feel like he's gotten away with murder. Obviously, if I knew what had happened at the time I would have made some certain, serious decisions and would have made him suffer the consequences -- and who knows if I ever would have taken him back. Now it just feels like, what's done is done and we've already moved on without me even realizing it. I've decided to stay. At this point we are in way too deep to just call it quits, but I do bring it up to him whenever it starts to way on me. He hates that I bring it up, but I tell him if I have to bring it up everyday of my life, then so be it. It's a small price for what he has done to me. By all accounts, I have every authority to end the relationship and it's only by my forgiving heart that we are still married. He made his bed, now he must lie in it and suffer the consequences as he should.
I don't know what to tell you, because I obviously feel like my hands are tied as well, but thats how I'm muddeling through it. We will be going to counseling too. I've told my husband everyting and let him see how much it hurt, how I feel like I've been cheated and tricked into marriage, and that he took that away from me. I would suggest you do the same. At least he can understand how much damage that not only what the cheating has done, but the lies and deciet as well. good luck to you.

Answer 3

It sounds to me that you are an insecure person and i am not trying to be rude but you have become a doormat, if he gets away with it once then why not do it again when the chance is given. He is still young, just because you are having his child that doesn't mean you have to stay. Don't spend the rest of your life unhappy and always wondering, take chances in life you only get one and speaking from experience there is always better and yes you can fall in-love even if your a single mom. Have fun go out see the world ask yourself this if you have a daughter what would you tell her "its OK hunny let him hurt you" probably not. I promise with GOD you will be just fine. Let GO now!! It will only hurt for a little bit .

Answer 4

You really only have two choices here. If you choose to forgive and forget, then you need to really forgive. It shouldn't be brought up in every argument you two ever have. Secondly, you are so young. I cannot tell by your question if you can leave him, at least I am sensing this from you. Did the third time cheating occur while he was stationed in Korea? I am not sure what obligations you have/had, and certainly are not judging you, but a year is long time when you are alone.

Answer 5

Well, in all honesty, if you do nothing about it... He did get away with it.

Sorry, hun, but that's the truth of it. You don't cheat on someone you love. Period.

Read between the lines. He cheated (not with one woman, but with two!) and you cannot trust him now. Bottom line.

You say you "cannot just leave him." Why not? You are pregnant. He loved you so much that he forgot to remember he was married before he cheated on you?? Now he will have to pay for doing this to you. How would you feel if you found out he got one of the other women pregnant or gave you some disease he got from one of them??? Is that a risk you are willing to live with? Sorry, but he must not love you as much as you think.

As the saying goes... The truth hurts. I wish you the best.

Answer 6

ok, he should have told u before u married that he cheated( leaving u to make the decision) but he choose still to marry u. Men have the tendancy to go for that last bacholor habits before tying the knot.


U married now: that's what counts. U could still would have a hard time trusting him being away from u for a year. Talk to him.

Answer 7

you should be more upset with your self, more then he, but when
you in love you dont see things as clear as you should you stated
that he cheated before you got marry, you should have really
took a look at this before. because everything was not right,
now he station out of the country. so now thing will get more
stress for you now that you pregant. time to really look at get
some help to talk about how you feeling other wise this
will destroy you and everyonee involved. a marriage is about
trust, if you dont have it you dont have much of marriage to
hold on to. good luck to you.

Answer 8

Wow....I can't say that I would be with him anymore, so good on you for staying and trying to work on this. I think the fact that you are pregnant right now is what you need to focus on most. You need to keep healthy for your baby. And try to reduce the level of stress in your life. But, if it is bothering you that much, I would definitely have a "chat" with dear old hubby to let him know that he did not in fact "get away" with cheating on you. He did come clean, and that is a start, but he needs to know that he needs to earn your trust again and be a man...he has a baby coming.. (Congrats!!)
All the best to you and your impending arrival.

Answer 9

As hard as it is.. id try to chalk it up to cold feet.. one last fling before marriage.. i know it sux.. and it hurts.. and it was very awful of him to wait till after the "i do's" to come clean, but the damage is done..

Id be straight up with him, id tell him your willing to let this one slip slide..because it was before he took a vow to u.. but that if he every does it again, that u will not only divorce him, but u will make his life miserable forever.. and just stand firm about it.. let him know u are very serious..

You cant be with him all the time.. (obviously) but u cant assume that he'll do it again , u just have to pray and hope that he doesnt, that it was just pre wedding gitters..and a mistake that he regrets.. dont borrow trouble if there isnt any there.. if he's going to hang himself he'll do it on his own given enough rope.. but u just have to have faith that it wont..not only for urself but for ur unborn child..

Now if he does do it again.. u put the screws to him.. in the divorce.. u get everything and anything out of him that u can because well at that point he'll deserve it if he cheat on u and destroys ur family..

But untill u have proof of him cheating while married, try to put it aside.. try to believe that he will live by his marriage vows and remind him, that vows are promises that he made to live by every day and not just when its convient for him.. and "real" men are men of their word and he gave u his word that day..and to not forget it..

Good luck i really hope that it was a temporary lapse in judgement prior to the "forever" of marriage..

Answer 10

He haven't gotten away with it. It bothered him so much so he had to tell you. Now he did trick you, by not telling you and given you the option of wanting to marry him still or back out. Now you're pregnant and you feel trapped. I would say forgive him this time and go through couple therapy and see how that work out and if he does it again, I would go to his chain of command.