i want another baby but husband is dead set on not having one?

Question

i have a 3 year old and i am ready to have another child. in fact, i've been ready for over a year. the problem is, my husband is totally against the idea. we've fought about this countless times and it is actually depressing me. maybe it's childish of me to think so, but i'm wondering how someone can deny the person they love the one thing they want more than anything else in this world. honestly, i don't know if our marriage can survive this. i know he has a right to live his life the way he wants, but i don't know if i can ever forgive him for denying our son a sibling and me another child.
what should i do? i don't want to 'accidentally' get pregnant...i'm against trickery. i'm also 36 years old and don't want to conceive after 38.
if anyone has some good advice, i would greatly appreciate it. i'm not looking to find out how to change his mind.i've tried every argument, i need to find out how i can live with the idea of not having another child and how to 'forgive' my dh.

his reason for not having another child is that he's just happy with the one...period. i've mentioned every thinkable reason for why we should have another one and he doesn't think any of those reasons are adequate. i even mentioned how much of a rock and a help his sister was when his own mom passed away and he thinks he could have handled it just as well on his own if she was never born!!! i mentioned the vascetomy thing as well and even though he hates the idea, he'd rather do that then have another child. the bottom line in my opinion is that he's selfish. he thinks having two will really 'cramp his style' and be an inconvenience to everyone (ie. us, my parents who babysit, etc). the truth is, i do most of the work with this one, and i know i will with the next one. i never deny him the things he wants to do b/c i don't want him to blame his family for not being able to live his life to the fullest.
oh, it's also not an issue of money b/c we can afford another child.

Answer 1

You probably don't expect to hear this from a guy: I completely understand where you're coming from on this.

The drive to have kids and raise a family is ingrained - deeply - in a lot of people, but not all of them.

The brutal, honest truth is this: you may never forgive him if he doesn't agree to give you another child. That can make you feel trapped.

He may never forgive you for making a second child a make or break point for the family. Unless you both agreed on your wedding day that you would have at least two kids and now he's breaking that promise, this situation could also make him feel trapped.

It sounds like you have a very solid relationship that is facing a very large hurdle. I would get in touch with a marriage counselor or couples therapist to try to navigate through this, be as fair as possible to both of you, and to find the best solution that you can find.

I think someone who is clinically trained may be the right choice to help through something this difficult.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

I'm not going to tell you something that you want to hear. Here I am at 42. I do have a beautiful 7 year old son but I never had another child. I gave in to my husband's life plan (of one child and only one child) and somehow thought I would eventually learn to accept it as my life plan too. A few years later I had to have a hysterectomy
I'm not sure how 2 people who love each other can have such different opinions on having a family. I am still married but I have a lot (and I mean a whole lot) of resentment issues because I let him bully me. Tell your husband that being denied something that you want so terribly bad will eventually only end up in resentment towards him. Do you not support the decisions that he has made in life such as business, etc?
I am from a large family and never wanted an only child with no siblings. I wanted my child to have the experience of having brothers and sisters to love and fight with. .....blah, blah I'm sure you are feeling the same way and I could go on forever!
There is no easy solution but I will tell you one thing. NEVER get your tubes tied because if I could have another child now, I would be pregnant in a heartbeat and not even bother to mention it to my husband beforehand!!
In all fairness to your husband, give him a few months to a year to come to terms with just how much this does mean to you.
Looking back, I would have never let my husband decide my life for me

Hope everything works out!

Answer 3

well I think you should look @ it like this: There is nothing wrong with only having one child- Think about what an awful thing to find out later in life that your Dad didn't want you to be here. Your other child is fine without a sibling, maybe he will have more chances in life because you are able to provide better for one as opposed to two children. Also think about how much harder it would be to raise 2 children and be a single parent and what your kids may not have because you decided to be selfish and not work through this! Really what is important to you is family and you have one!

Answer 4

the pure fact that you feel this will damage your marriage in the worst way tells me you need to reconcider your feelings toward another baby.there is a reason why he is feeling this way.you need to open your mind to him besides being so negitive toward the fact he is not on the same wave link you are on.maybe the first one was stressfull enough that he can't bare to do it again.with feeding ,worryingabout his job,also his age now .and what he has planned to do with the three of you.asecond child adds more money to the stake.plus how your little one now going to feel.you have to sperate your time ....this is hard to do...me and my wife had the 1st. unplanned .i wanted another after a couple of years.my wife didn't ..but a yaer and a half later she wanted 1.but you both have to want it.don't make it this or else.that will never work...good luck ED

Answer 5

Well, what are his reasons for not wanting another child?
If you CAN afford it, I see no reason to deny you your wish.
I'm an only child and never missed having a sibling bc I had lots of friends and relatives as I grew up. Now that my mom and dad are gone I wish I had a sibling. On the other hand, some grown siblings don't get along or even see one another.
I think if you CAN afford another child that he should give you the opportunity to do so. This is assuming he's a good daddy and you two are otherwise in agreement on major issues. I hope you get your wish!

Answer 6

Don't you dare coerce your husband into agreeing to another child. He doesn't want one. He's telling you something and you're not listening. You can't return a child once it puts too much strain on a marriage.

How to live with the idea of being burdened with only one child? Denying your child a sibling? Please, there is no burden; you're just being self-serving and whiny. There's worse things in life!

How to forgive your husband? What the hell is there to forgive. He doesn't like what one child has done to some aspect of his life and is being logical, rational, and deciding against adding the extra responsibility.

Some of my kids best friends are single-child only kids and they are extremely content in spite of the absent siblings. You're being emotional; not a great decision making tool.

Answer 7

I understand why you are so eagely to have another baby because of your age. However, you should understand that marriage is not just to produce next generation but also is a compromise and tolerance between each others.

It is not advisable to spoil your marriage and relationship with your husband because of baby issue.
Baby will only grow healthy if both of you are happy together. Baby will feel uncomfortable and unsafe if one of you are not happy.

You didn't tell me why your husband are against the baby issue.

My advice is that:
Don't think so selfish about yourself, try to think from view of baby andyour family.
Is baby happy when come to this world?
Does your husband get pressure?
Does your family can bring happiness to baby?
Any financial problem?
How is your family relationship if next baby come?

Answer 8

You should have talked about this before you got married.

Obviously, he just doesn’t want another child (the reasons behind it really don’t matter). Some people only want one child.

As much as you feel that he’s being selfish, he likely feels that you’re being selfish.

So, you have two choices—accept it or move on.

Answer 9

Maybe your husband has a good reason for this. Find out why your husband not agree with you. Ask opinion from other people or you can talk to the person that your husband respect the most.

Answer 10

Look, your husband loves you, hence he does not want you to be in any possible danger. A woman who gets pregnant after the age of 35 has greater risk. Sometime, love can be perceived as selfish.