To Newly Married Couples: How did you combine your expenses?

Question

My husband and I lived on our own for a while and developed elaborate methods for keeping track of our expenses, budgets, bank accounts, etc. How do you combine these together once you're married?

We've tried setting up one joint account for bills like rent, utilities, etc. and keeping individual accounts for expenses like clothes, haircuts, entertainment. But then when we go out to a restaurant together, one of us pays and the other owes money, and it stops being romantic.

I'd prefer not to have individual accounts since I like the idea of being married and doing this together as a couple. How do you do it if it's one joint account? We don't want one person "overspending" and making the other person feel resentful.

Answer 1

My husband and I combined our finances by opening an account together. I had recently paid off my student loan and was completely debt free, but my husband had substantial debt and a partially paid mortgage.

After selling his house, he was debt free and we entered the marriage on even ground. My husband and I have common goals which makes budgeting easier. We try to keep spending to a minimum, savings and investments are a priority, and any large purchases are always discussed beforehand.

At times, my husband goes astray, but that is because he has expensive taste and little self control. I make up for his overspending, by being thrifty. There is no resentment, because we are a TEAM. We work together. He does feel guilty when he overspends, and shows his appreciation for his extras by being more attentive and helping out around the house.

It would not feel like a marriage if we had to split restaurant bills, or if we kept expenses separate. It's just easier to put your money together. For example, I can fill the tank in his car and not worry about who's account it comes from. Our money is freely exchanged and we both work hard. Each month, we sit down and review our bank statement to discuss purchases and make any adjustments to our budget to stay on track with our goals.

If I had doubts that our marriage would succeed, then I would keep finances separate, but if someone is that apprehensive then the issues are much deeper than finances.

If you and your husband agree on financial goals and a basic budget, then there should be no problem. Make sure you discuss spending habits in advance and reach an agreement.

Answer 2

I can understand exactly what you are going thu- been there!

My husband and I basically had to come to a middle road on how to handle our finances so that it wasn't constantly a battle of whose method works better and our middle road turned out to be leaps and bounds better than what we were doing on our own.

We did an awesome course about money that I would say is nothing short of life changing. It was Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. You can sign up to attend the course in your area, but we ordered the stuff and did it at home. Even if you think you are pretty darn smart with money (I did) you will learn a lot of great things.

BTW- We've tried other budgeting programs and strategies and failed b/c many are too constricting. This allows us to have money alloted for all the things we need and want and then we each have our 'blow' money that we can either spend on expensive shoes or electronic gagets or whatever... all the things that the spouse used to say 'why did you buy that?!'. So we still have the aspect of having our own money like we did when we were single.

Been married 5 years- save yourself 4 years of hassle and try it!

Dave has a radio show that you can podcast or stream online for free to see what he's all about.

Answer 3

I am not newly married, but my boyfriend and I just bought our first house together so we are going through this. He earns alot more than I do, and I felt like I couldn't contribute to all the expenses too much, but he came up with a plan & it's working good now. We opened a joint account and shut down our others except one which we cant withdraw out of. We use this one for mortgage, insurance, etc. We put the rest of our money in the joint account and take out an allowance each. A little childish, but it works. We use this for our personal things like haircuts, gifts for each other, etc. And because its cash you know whats left so you dont accidently over spend $50 and the other one doesnt. Then we take out petrol money and fill the car up. With whats left in the account once all your bills, expenses, groceries, savings & cash are taken out, you can use it to be romantic and go out to dinner or away somewhere. That way he isnt taking you out to dinner but making you pay your half. You have taken that step to be together forever, and being treated equally should be part of the deal. Being resentful wont ever help you's to move together in your life. If you get additional cards to the account it makes it easy as well.

Answer 4

I think your first option is right. Hang on to your separate accounts. If necessary put a bit more in the joint account to cover visits to resturants. In any case it's as much an attitude of mind which seems to be causing you the problem. If you were still dating and one of you bought the other one a meal it would still be romantic wouldn't it? Why shouldn't it be when you are married? You could think of this as a method of keeping the romance alive in the relationship rather than an obsticle to it.

If you keep your own accounts which you can spend as you see fit and keep the joint account for joint bills and not spend money out of it without consulting each other, that will save you a lot of stress through you lives (trust me on this one) The only area that you may need to consider and discuss is in the event that you have children and one of you has to give up work how you will approach that situation to prevent resentment setting in. One approach that might me useful is to keep in mind that the partner who stays at home does so in order to allow the other one to work. Therefore the working partner should "pay" for that service. This may be irrelevant to you if you don't plan to have children but if you do, best discuss the possiblity now. Forward planning is the key to sucess with finance.

Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 5

It takes effort. Sit down and create a new budget with both incomes and expenses in mind. At this poin ditch one account or make it a second savings and have the other account changed to a joint. The important thing is that you sit down and make a definate moment in time where you combine the finances. Whatever you do don't try to hold on to your indepence in this or it will become an issue

Answer 6

Keep your OWN account! Have a "joint" account and each put the same amount of money in each month for expenses. If one of you makes more, maybe do a % of your salary each month. But keep your own money too.....this is very important! If you pool all the money together, then crap comes up like "you spent more than I did". Don't go there. :)