okay i am in a somewhat abusive relationship...my boyfriend was beat all of his life and ended up in foster care when he was fifteen he does not understand how to have a normal relationship without fighting. he does not hit me but pushes and screams. He is going to counseling and we are not living together anymore. he is even thinking about going into the army. but i want to know if anyone knows a guy who actually did change. i know that usually guys just continue to be abusive.
2007-01-23 16:13:12 · 9 answers · asked by n&z-mama 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
also he was in a car accident and two people died so that caused us more stress. i have already told him that i refuse to live with him but he is not the typical abuser who just begs for forgiveness then does it again an hour later. he really knows something is wrong.
2007-01-23 17:11:45 · update #1
Well everybody thank you for your answers....he is definitly joining the army so.....i dunno.
2007-01-24 15:24:00 · update #2
it could be hard for the person, he will never forget, the best thing to do is to let it all out, talk to him and tell him its ok, let him cry it all out, thats whut i did, it feels great... the relieve is so great... i just cant explain it but it feels so good to cry it out and have someone there to say its ok, at first i hated to hear peepole tell me that was then then is now leave it in the past, but when i finally opend my eyes i was like "damn there right", your not forgetting your just moving it to one side and moving on. that way when he has kids of his own he can think back and say i dont want this for my kids, you know whut im saying, and the army thing i use to say it just to get attention, i was gonna join the marines but regreted it, wasting 2 years of your life and who knows if youll make it through those 2 years... i hope everything gets better, hit me back if you have anymore q: i went through alot, ill be more than glad to give you some advice...
2007-01-23 16:37:29 · answer #1 · answered by pepin da great 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you from experience that some men do change for the better once they have lost someone they truly loved due to being abusive towards them. He may not be hitting you but, if he doesn't change his beliefs about abuse towards women and what he went through himself, then he will never change. Just to let you know verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse if not more than. There still could be hope for you two but, just be careful and if you have to leave the relationship, leave knowing you couldn't live that way anymore.
2007-01-23 16:23:05 · answer #2 · answered by saturn man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex did change. But not until we ended the relationship and went our separate ways. He tried to change and stay changed while we were together. But we found that our chemistry and our history just caused us both to revert into the same patterns and behaviors. From what I heard a while back, he's doing great with a new relationship. And I learned a lot about myself in the process too and now have been happily married to a wonderful, caring man for over 5 years. Hasn't raised his voice, much less a hand to me.
2007-01-23 16:19:12 · answer #3 · answered by BPD375 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not drinking neither taking drug, just has bad temper, may be military will changed him, but if he is drinking or taking drug that will be a tough case, I suggested not to envolve with him.I been married twice now, both man are very successful( one is doctor and one is lawyer), however my own loving father in China is working labor job, for my experience, When man feeling secure both emotionally and finacially they behave very nice, but if man feelings unsecure they express their emotion by anger or silent , i didn't figure out with my ex-husband before so lost him, but i am very happy with my present husband now going on 5 years, i think i figure out what he needs, also my father was very insecure during the time he lost his job in his middle age, now i figure out how to comfort my father, now he never angry anymore at least everytime i talked to him, but my mother still irritate him on and off, so their marriage not so perfect. The bottom line is you need to be strong to support him to figure out what he needs?? Key is to understand, when you understand what is his needs, then you can go from there, important is to observe the detail, what is trigger his angry,, in what situation?? certain words you say? or other people say make him think he is failure?
Improtant is does he really love you???
giving the time for each other to grow may be also a good ideal, you guy sounds very young, you guy should persuit each other's dream first, time may help for difficulty relationship, help people to grow,if you really love him so much. Do no force to any situation.
Otherwise i just suggest change other boyfriend, will make things much easier.
2007-01-23 16:55:00 · answer #4 · answered by hsiaofonglin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't known anyone to change after going through that. But It is only possible if he knows he has this abusive nature and gets help. In other words the change has to come from him, no one can make that happen for him.
2007-01-23 16:26:00 · answer #5 · answered by tiger_shal77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stay away from him for at least now... But if he continues to get help for at leaset 1 year then try dating him slowly again but do not move in with him or live with him... He has to prove to you that he has changed and earn your trust again.... I know some guys who have changed but it is very rare....Just be friends with him and nothing more for a while and see what happens.
2007-01-23 16:19:32 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys can change. But it takes work. He's going to councelling you say? That's a good sign that he's working on his issues.
The military might be a good place for him to mature as long as he is able to make the most of what that environment has to offer.
I know a guy who actually was able to change.
It was me.
2007-01-23 16:19:57 · answer #7 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
pushing someone is not acceptable either get out its only going to get worse
2007-01-23 16:27:10 · answer #8 · answered by amramirez1824 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't change two colours
2007-01-23 16:20:35 · answer #9 · answered by killer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋