Thinking of going back home but don't know if my parents will accept me?

Question

Since they found out I was gay in the worst way possible, my dad won't talk to me and my mom would at most sneak me baked cookies sometimes when I was at my brother's house (who is married), occasionally hugging me and telling me its just a phase and I was just influenced by a bad friend. I came out to my brother 2 weeks ago before I moved out and he says he has no problem with that. But I feel like the way he said it made me feel awkward because he looked dumbfounded. I'm now with a friend in another state. This is my last week here. I have no place to go. Can you give me advice about what to do? I've been asking friends but they either joke about it or find it a difficult situation and don't want me to say, look what happened? They just want me to go back and not think about it. But I want to have some idea about what I should do and say? I mean my dad hit me and I punched him the last time we spoke. I haven't been back home for a good 2 to 3 months. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

WOW!!! I would like to suggest you give it some more time, they say time heals but I think your dad especially need more time then 2 or 3 months!
Is there not another friend you could stay with for a while longer?
Maybe you could put the word out to your friends and see if you get any offers of a place to stay! Maybe they know somebody who would be willing to take you in for a while.
How old are you anyway?
Some cities have help for these kinds of situations, maybe you should be looking into that!
An organization called P-Flag might be a good place to start, if they can help you I am sure they would be able to direct you to some organization that could.
Just please don't end up on the streets, please, please, please!
If I was in the USA I would let you come and stay with me and my roommate for a while but I don't, I live in CANADA.
Anyway whatever you do, good luck from the sounds of it you are going to need it.
If you want to talk some more about this email me at: [e-mail]
*hugs*

JAC<

Answer 2

Seems like nearly any options you have are gonna be rough.

To your parents, you could act like being gay only was a phase and go into the closet, but this can lead to quite a bit of problems. It likely won't feel very good living a lie and if they were to found out, the reaction could be a lot worse then the first time.

Another option is to avoid bringing it up. At least you won't be lying or anything. Maybe if you're lucky, they might even have learned to accept it by then, but that doesn't seem very likely from what you said, so it wouldn't be an option I would count on.

Well, the worst case is they could disown you and not allow you to come back. I take it there are no LGBT support groups around where you live? If not, surely you'll find some place to stay and be accepted if it's not at home or with friends.

Answer 3

The first thing I suggest you do is get a job and save every dime you can! It cost a lot of money to live on your own, even if you have a room mate or girlfriend paying half. Then try to secure funds for college. The best thing you can do is get an education so that you won't spend years scrapping by. Go to college out of state if possible, this way you're far away from your parents and won't have to deal with their crap on a daily basis. There is nothing you can do to change the way your parents think, they will have to do that on their own. All you can do is live an honest and honorable life. Become successful and prove them wrong about every stereotype they hold on to. L

Answer 4

Hon I'm so sorry that things have been so difficult. You're very resilient and resourceful.

I just read over some of your other questions and the fact that you're 21 makes things to suggest a bit more difficult. Like for example I can't direct you to like a runaway hotline or anything like that.

What I can direct you to is your nearest LGBT center. You are definitely not the first person to have been kicked out of their home for their sexual orientation. They will know of resources in your area to help get you back on your feet.

I understand that you can't live with your bro and his wife forever, but what happened to the "helping pay rent on an apartment until you get back on your feet" thing? If it's too expensive to rent a place maybe they can let you crash at their house while you work and save up money to live independently. If you go to them with a concrete and reasonable plan for your future they will be more willing to be on board.

You're old enough that you don't have to live with your parents, but if you Want to go back and live with them then you need to sit down with them and talk things out. I'd talk with your mom first. She knows your dad well and she might be able to help you figure out what to stay. But keep in mind if you go back you will be living under their roof and they obviously arent in an emotional space right now where they can understand that being gay is not a choice or a phase. So you would either have to go back in the closet, or spend a lot of hellish time trying to get them to understand while living under their roof. I mean obviously things aren't going to go back to the way they were, even if you do go back in the closet. The elephant's already in the living room. I know what I'd do, because I'm the queen of avoidance. I wouldn't go back to my parents' house! :) But it's not me, it's you. So you have to make that decision.

I would seriously call your local LGBT center no matter what you decide, hon. They can really help. Good luck!

Answer 5

You don't say how old you are, but if you aren't capable of being out on your own, then contact your brother and ask if you can crash there for a while. If that's ok with him, clean up after yourself, take on some of the chores, such as yard work or cooking dinner, or vacuuming, and GET A JOB, or two. Give your brother half of what you make and continue to clean up after yourself and take on some of the household chores. Basically you need to stay someplace cheap, and you need to make yourself responsible for contributing to the household. Then, write your father a letter apologizing for punching him, and anything else that happened and also apologizing for not telling him sooner, but you were afraid of losing his love. Tell him that you are working hard to come to terms with your life, and you love him with all your heart. Ask him to accept you for who you are and tell him you need him.

I frankly don't know if this will work. However you won't be worse off than you are now. I would also contact a gay youth hot line and ask for help.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Maybe You should go back to your parents house and explain how you feel and maybe they will understand and maybe you should stop arguing about you being gay they should except you who you are instead of going against you, I am straight thank god because I found a wonderful boyfriend that loves me very much, Well Good Luck and just talk to your parents and tell them how you feel and also tell them how they feel about your situation.

Answer 7

Uggh I'm not gay or lesbian and i hate it when they say it's just a phase and you'll get over it soon .and lets go get you some help don't they get it that it's not just a phase.And your dad took it kinda hard.And your moms seems cool about except for the part about calling it just a phase just go home and see if it will work for like a day.

Answer 8

Both your mom & brother are taking in. They have been caught and it takes time for them to get use that you are gay. Its natural. Your brother gave you shelter - be grateful and thankful for that.

Your mom has not rejected you coz, she sneaked cookies and giving you hugs and kisses. Give here more time to adjust.

Speak to your brother * sis in law. Nephews? Nieces to come to accept you that you are gay but still the same loving brother/uncle to them. Listen to their feelings and view.

If they allow you to stay, good. If not, keep the channel of cummincation open. With time, they'll accept you. Speak with your mom and again listen to her feelings and view. She is also hurt that your are gay.

Once your brother & mom accepts you, allow them to act as the middle men between your dad & you. To heal the wounds and restore family unity.

Should all fail, time to seek accommodation on your own and move on with your life.

Answer 9

while I understand that your parents are an important part of your life, the failure to explore that part of you is asinine. Do not limit yourself to the thoughts of others. If we all stopped our existence every time someone had a problem with it, we would not have any of our great thinkers. What I'm getting to is that you should always be yourself regardless of what others think no matter who they are or what they think.

Answer 10

ok your parents shouldnt care wheather your gay or not they should accept you for who you are. You should talk to them and if they dont accept you back then just leave and maybe go live with a relitave or something.