Am i a bad person?
ok dont get me wrong i am a very good person but lately i have wanted a baby more than anything!! This has been going on for so many years now that it is not funny. I am 19, have a great partner and we are currently looking at buying our first home. I know my partner wants kids down the track but not just yet but he has said that if i get pregnant again we will just have to keep it cause he doesnt want to put me through what we have in the past(i had 2 miscarriages). So i have been putting holes in the condoms in a hope that i will fall pregnant. I know that i am ready for this and i am prepared to give everything to the child. I know my partner will be happy for us but the way i am going about it is making me feel really bad. Any suggestions??? I dont want to hear any forms of abuse i just really need some support and help from some other women out there who may have gone through the same thing or no what im talking about.
2007-01-23 15:22:47 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Sorry if i have mislead any of you into thinking that i killed my babies because i didnt and that would be murder! The first 2 i didnt even know that i was pregnant and i was on the pill thankyou very much!!!
2007-01-23 15:59:37 · update #1
I have already answered your question before, and so have many others!!! There is no need to keep wasting peoples time, i know and understand how frustrated you must be feeling at the moment and just want an answer but im sorry to tell you no matter how many times you re-post your question NO-ONE is going to tell yes you are a very good person and this is a great thing that you are doing to your partner!!!
2007-01-23 16:14:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and have an open honest discussion with your partner about this. He may have some very valid reason why he's not ready for children right now and it's not right to force him into fatherhood by trickery. If you have a good relationship with love and respect, you should both be able ot voice your thought about this. Tell him how you are feeling and try to get to the heart of why you feel so compelled to start a family now. If you continue deceiving him, it will always be something between you that can eventually erupt and ruin the relationship. Especially if you do become pregnant and he believes it was an accident. This is just my thoughts, but 19 is a little young to be starting a family. It is very stressful and a baby requires your full attention which means there is less time for yourself and your partner. It can be especially stressful in situations like buying a new home and moving as you have described. Again, an open honest conversation may help you both to understand each other better and you can discuss a solution that works for both of you.
2007-01-23 23:36:48 · answer #2 · answered by jigsawinc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Making holes on the condoms is not good that's something that can bring you problems later on when he finds out what you are doing. Im 19 and in a way I do want a baby but then I don't I'm so just to going out and having fun without worring about anything. You have so much to go through so is in it better to wait a while until you for sure that you are ready, so that you may not go through the same thing over again.
2007-01-23 23:37:23 · answer #3 · answered by Kat's Lil LAdy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To answer your question, no you are not a bad person, but you are making bad decisions. You should not mislead your partner and poke holes in condoms, that is just wrong. If you really want a baby talk to him and if he is not ready you need to respect that. It is really wrong for you to do that. That is horrible. And another thing you said you had two miscarriages, you mean abortions don't you? You said this time if you did get pregnant you would keep it, which basically implies that the ;last two times you got a abortion. U need to make better choices, do not poke holes in his condom any more,
2007-01-23 23:32:02 · answer #4 · answered by bree680u1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sweetie, I understand that need for a baby, but it's really dishonest and unfair to your partner to deceive him like this. Having a baby is a very big decision that should be agreed upon by both parents...hey, it's the guy's future, too, not just yours! Youneed to talk it out with him, explain how badly you want to have this baby, and be prepared to explain all your reasons to him. If he still isn't ready to become a dad, please stop putting holes in the condoms. You are really going to need his support if you do get pregnant, and just think how he'd feel if he found out what you are doing! Or think how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot...if he wanted a baby and you weren't ready but he went behind your back to ruin the condoms to trick you into getting pregnant. Be sensitive to his needs and his feelings, and maybe he'll be sensitive to yours and give you that baby that you want...but consentually, so that honesty and trust can stay in your relationship. Best of luck to you both (and your future kids!).
2007-01-23 23:31:53 · answer #5 · answered by grayhare 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think if your partner wanted a child right now he wouldnt be using condoms. Stop poking holes in them darlin. Your 19 I know you want one I can totally understand it but live a little buy your home, make sure this is the man you will spend the rest of your life with. Get your education, if in fact you are getting one. And make sure you are able to provide for the baby before having one. Poking holes in a condom doesnt make you a bad person but it is basically tricking him into having a child that obviously he isnt ready for otherwise like I said before he wouldnt be wearing the condoms
2007-01-23 23:32:39 · answer #6 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol. i was gonna do that with my husband till he came out and said i want 2 daughters..he couldn't make up his mind on if he wanted babies this year or last year.. but why be sneak about it. let him know how you feel. then Just jump on him don't give him time to reach for a condom. lol. that's what i did. it worked out very well even though we were trying to conceive anyways. cause the next day i wanted to eat earily in the morning so i knew i was pregnant again. i've had 2 miscarriages too and wanted a baby really bad too. so i did what i did in hopes that since i had 2 miscarriages and he wanted me to have his daughters i'd have a baby it worked out good but i'm having a boy. lol. i hope you know that some condoms come with sperm killer. that kills the sperm so you don't get pregnant so poking holes in condoms don't always work. I'm not gonna judge you. i'm not gonna say wheather you're good or bad to me you look like a woman chasing after her dreams of being a mommy. i hope your dream of being a mommy comes true cause it means so much to you. i'm only gonna say stop poking holes in condoms cause you're having second thought about it. lol. do something that's not gonna make you feel guilty like waking him up in the middle of the night for sex. i heard that guys are most potent when they are sleeping or just waking up. you're more likely to get pregnant then is basically what i was told. That's some thing you could try. But if he doesn't want children now don't go this route just yet i'm sure he has a reason for not wanting you pregnant right now. Good luck take care. lol.
2007-01-24 00:14:14 · answer #7 · answered by Lil Mama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no I dont think that you are a bad person, but if I were you I would wait a while to have a baby give your self some time to really know this is what you want. talk to your partner about this and both of you sit down and do some serious talking. Remeber a child is the greatest gift that you can have but are you sure that you are ready for all of the responsibilities?
2007-01-23 23:35:05 · answer #8 · answered by karen v 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I know my partner wants kids down the track but not just yet but he has said that if i get pregnant again we will just have to keep it cause he doesnt want to put me through what we have in the past(i had 2 miscarriages)."
...two miscarriages or abortions...with a miscarriage you don't have a choice to "keep it"..
ok, besides the point...
the question you have to ask yourself is do you like to be lied to and tricked...if the answer is no....than look what you are doing to your boyfriend...why should he like it...
In my experience most people don't like to be lied to ........and they don't generally think well of those who have lied......
*** ok, I see that my question upset you..and I am sorry If I caused you distress...miscarriages is so very painful on many different levels..and the way you worded your post made it sound like you had a choice...and any woman that has one knows there is no choice .... I am sorry for your loss.....but the rest ,is true...nobody likes to be lied to and on something as life changing as this ...it is a really bad way to start out....If you want a child now...just tell him..be honest with him....don't trick him into something he is not ready for...if you love him...be fair to him ...........
2007-01-23 23:46:21 · answer #9 · answered by LeftField360 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, well I havent tried that but I guess I know how it feels to want a baby really bad. I think you and your man need to sit down and talk about it, its the best thing to do. I dont know if putting holes in condoms makes you a bad person but it does make you sneaky. A baby is a great gift and I hope you get what you want and it all works out for you.
2007-01-23 23:32:41 · answer #10 · answered by BaBy KiSsEs!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋