Waiting to see someone but no one is there
Sitting without a care
At the same time feeling caught
Listening to the sounds of my thoughts
Talking to myself
Just about to melt
Feelings can’t be felt
Crying inside
Nowhere to hide
Running from my feelings
Incapable of healing
Life is in slow motion
Unable to hide my emotion
Knowing something is wrong
It’s been this way for so long
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Tell me how you like it. Constructive crit, comments, be serious. Thanks.
2007-01-23 14:53:27 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Well expressed.
Reminds me of rumination on a very unhappy moment. You may want to take it somewhere. No one wants to be left in that moment. If you create a path or a direction, move it further along I think it will achieve authenticity.
You are currently describing the color gray. Now...make it a specific gray moment. Make it just as real to us as it is to you. Stop hiding behind the words and just spit out the pain. Then you have art in your poetry.
Great start. Now experiment.
2007-01-23 15:03:15 · answer #1 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked the poem a lot. Are you hoping to publish? Go ahead and try. Does writing these free you? You have released some powerful thoughts here. I hope getting it out and on paper is cleansing for you. Good work.
2007-01-23 23:10:40 · answer #2 · answered by Diana P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good! Go ahead, write many more! Important thing, read poems, as well! Deal with different subjects, not just your own feelings, sentiments and emotions! Look at some of the poems in "poetry.com", you will realise that your work is not all that bad: it has expression! Promising!
2007-01-23 23:04:10 · answer #3 · answered by swanjarvi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it!
It's deliciously dark and encompasses the way many of us feel in today's world. It's "real". Bravo!! On a scale of 1-10, I'd give you an 8.
2007-01-24 00:05:22 · answer #4 · answered by JOURNEY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this poem is really ggod....on a scale of 1-10 i would give it 11
i like stanza 5-7 i htink that was done really good. overall the poem is really good
2007-01-23 23:01:59 · answer #5 · answered by enny_dZ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋