How does one live through the loss of a child?

Question

I hide my hurt....but it is in my thoughts daily. I believe he is in heaven...my heart is heavy..does anyone understand? Can't get it off my mind.

Answer 1

My heart bleeds for you. You ask "How does one live through the loss of a child"--one excruciating day at a time.

I wondered if there would ever again be a time when my last thoughts at night and my first thoughts upon waking weren't going to be about my son. Thoughts about what his last hours on earth were like constantly played through my mind (he was 30 and my youngest). For months, I felt as if a huge elephant had taken up permanent residence on the center of my chest and was going to crush me. That was almost 7 years ago (1/27/00).

Today, I treasure every memory I have of him. I feel his presence constantly around me, especially in traffic (he always teased me about my horrible driving habits). & sometimes for no reason at all the tears begin to fall--I miss his beautiful face and his awful jokes. But the pain has dissapated.

As I said, it's a journey taken one day at a time.

Answer 2

It's not easy to get over any death of someone we know. Even a child. My father left from cancer 2yrs ago. Not easy. But i found out that time does heal. It will pass. For some it takes longer. And don't hide your hurt. You have all the right to show your emotions. Holding it in is not heathly and try a little each day to go on. This child is at peace and happy in heaven. There is nothing you can do to change that. Life has to go on, and you will get over it. If you believe there is a heaven then let God take care of that child now. God would what you to go on. You have to take care of your health here ok? This can eat away at you and make you sick. There is a reason and purpose for everything that happens in our lives. You feel no one understands. Talk to him (God) as a friend when your heart is heavy and it will go away.
Hang in there ok? It will get better. Take care.

Answer 3

There is no more devastating event to a loving parent than the loss of a child. Children are the most perfect of God's creations and to lose a child makes you question everything we are taught to believe in. Do not hide your hurt it is a normal part of the grief process. Your child will always live in your love and in your heart. The Bible says: suffer the little children to come unto Me. I believe that. When a child is taken I believe that they go straight to Heaven and into God's care. I am very sorry for your loss, I hope that the God I believe in will ease your pain .

Answer 4

Probably there is no way to get over it and you wouldn't want to, and there are those whom will have to live with the fact that they choose to end the pregnancy and regretted it for 30 years, and more, then what about the fact that life is a mere grain of sand in the infinite sands on all the beaches on all the planets in the universe, and when we leave the earth there will be you and your child and the lord forever and ever in everlasting infinity, and just live each day knowing that and living good so you can join that child in heaven, in heaven there is no sense of time, so that child will not be waiting long, just be good and don't harp on it to the point that you will loose focus on the rest of your life here.

Answer 5

My daughter died 4 years ago I think of her everyday I was medicated until about 7 months ago I use 2 let it drive me nuts wondering if I would ever see her again or wondering if this was punishment for something I dont know why any of this happens everyone tell's me it was 4 a reason no one knows why not doctors not scientists no one you will never get him off your mind or out of your heart I would'nt want to I want to remember everything dont hide from it talk as much or as little as you like your heart isn't heavy its broken and nothing will fix that.It gets easier over time I still cry several times a year uncontrolable then I feel better for a minute her birthday is the hardest because I wonder what she or what our lives would be like together.I never knew anyone could feel pain and sorrow as deep as what I have had in my heart in my soul it is truely awful and one day I hope to see her again to smell her,hold her tell her all thats in my head try to find the real you again I've found bits and pieces but still not me.(me)Thats who I think I miss the most sometimes...Your not alone I promise

Answer 6

It is the worst pain any mother will ever have to experience. I lost my son in July of 2005. Sometimes I still feel like I don't want to live in this world without him. There are some wonderful on line groups that I use. The one I like the most is called childlossgrief. People in this group are wonderful. There is a message board and a chat room. With people who have never been through this, we do have to hide our hurt because they don't understand. But with other parents, we can and should talk about it.

Answer 7

My condolences to you. I can't imagine.

Whether you believe in heaven or not, would your son want you to hurt as you do? Whether you believe in heaven or not, your son does live on in the memories of those who love him. You love him most.

Try to dwell on the good ones, and the time you did get to share with your boy. I'm not suggesting for a moment that this won't be hard. I *am* suggesting that if memories are the only realm in which he lives, it would be much better for them to be happy memories.

I wish I had something better to give you than this. I also wish that the other Answerers reading this would get up for a second, hug their kids and not explain why.

Answer 8

I was 6 months pregnant we we lost our 12 year old. I do understand exactly how you feel. You need to talk about it with your husband, with your family, and maybe even with a therapist. Take life one day at a time. If you are a spirtual kind of person, ask God to help you with this pain. I had to come to the realization that our child is gone because God said it was time. You need to make peace with the Lord in order to heal. Also, you need to grieve properly so you can go on.

Answer 9

I can not begin to understand what you are going through.

It is very painful when we lose a love one, but to lose a child is probably even more so.

If you can find a support group of others who have lost children, you might find it helpful to talk among them.

Of course your child will always be in your thoughts, but I hope that many of those thoughts will be happy ones of the good times you shared.

I don't know what your beliefs are in terms of religion or spirituality, but if you have a spiritual belief, seek comfort there.

I bid you peace.

Answer 10

You just do, period. I have lost a lot of family members in a short period of time. One was my sister. We were two years apart and people thought we were twins. We were extremely close. I still get very angry when I see old sisters that are in their 70s, and I will never have that with my sister. She died at 35. It will piss you off every time, but you carry on somehow. I do.

Look for signs, talk to the one you want to speak to. Look for strange things. They come through in ways that they can, not necessarily ways you understand, so be on the look out and talk to them, I know they hear and will respond. It will make you feel better to know they hear you. Cry all you want to also. It feels better to let it all out sometimes.