I need my autobiography correction help!!1(grammar)?

Question

I was born the second twins daughter in Germany on the 13th of August 1989. My father settled in Germany to study theology two years ago when I was born. My parents raised me there for 5 years and we moved to our native country, Korea. I went to elementary school, middle school, and high school in Korea and My sister and I immigrated to the U.S. to study English on the second of August 2005. Unfortunately, my whole family couldn’t come to the U.S. because my father had to do his duty as a pastor, taking care of his church members and feeding my family. Since then, I had lived with my aunt family but I sometimes felt uncomfortable whenever I use or eat something that didn’t belong to my possession. 8 months later, I had to live with my grandparents and transfer to another school. After I transferred to another school, I couldn’t get used to different environment, different students, and different teaching style.

But, I was striving to be accustomed to those different things and I could see how I had become mature through the difficulty and hardship. My parents always tell me to go about what I am intended to try and go forward anything even if it will be hard to get through. There’s a book whose story is similar to what I experienced as a foreigner in the U.S. The book named Jar of Dreams is about a Japanese girl who immigrates to the U.S. during Great Depression. Because the book takes place in the U.S. during Great Depression, the story is on the basis of racial discrimination. The main character, Rinko, is threatened and treated badly and differently by stereotypical people, however, she gets through those threat and oppression. After I read the book, I could find out Rinko and I have something in common with each other in that we both had hard time first in the U.S. but later got through all tough and hard situations as immigrants.

. Also, I realized that there are many chances and opportunities to study in the U.S. Because there are so many applicants who want to go to good colleges in my country, I didn’t think I would be able to get into good college where I could get more opportunities to study. In the U.S., I would like to major in medicine in order to be a pediatrician. I think I am good at math and science but I don’t think I am that good at English and social studies. Therefore, I think jobs related to medicine fit into my future the best. For my future, I will have to strive and try to do my best. I have experienced lots of things than could motivate and encourage me to do something beneficial and advantageous. I think Motivation and inspiration are the good drives for me to do my task.

Answer 1

Here is my suggestion.

I was born the second of twin daughters in Germany on the 13 August 1989. My father settled in Germany to study theology two years before we were born. My parents raised us there for 5 years before moving back to our native country, Korea, where we went to elementary, middle, and high school. My sister and I immigrated to the U.S. to study English on 2 August 2005. Unfortunately, my whole family could not come to the U.S. because my father had to fulfill his duty as a pastor, taking care of his church members and feeding my family. In the USA, I had lived with my aunt’s family, but I sometimes felt uncomfortable whenever I used or ate something that did not belong to me. Eight months later, I moved in with my grandparents and transferred to new school. I did not get used to new environment, new students, and different teaching style. Nevertheless, I tried to get accustomed to these different things and I could see how I had become more mature through the difficulties and hardship. My parents always told me to go about what I intend to do and go forward with anything even if it is hard to achieve. There is a book whose story is similar to what I am experiencing as a foreigner in the U.S. The book’s name is “Jar of Dreams”, and it is about a Japanese girl who immigrates to the U.S. during Great Depression. The story is based on racial discrimination. The main character, Rinko, is threatened and treated badly and differently by stereotypical people; however, she gets through those threats and oppression. After I read the book, I find out that Rinko and I have something in common in that we both went through hard times first in the U.S. but later successfully got through as immigrants.
Additionally, I realized that there are many chances and opportunities to study in the US an I didn’t think I would be able to get into a good college. I would like to major in medicine in order to be a pediatrician. I am good at math and science, but I have a lot of work to do to be good in English and Social Studies. Therefore, I think jobs related to medicine fit into my future best. I will have to strive and try to do my best. I have experienced many things than would motivate and encourage me to do something beneficial and helpful. I think motivation and inspiration from my experience will drive me to accomplish my goals.

I'm impressed with your writing ability. Considering that you only started studying English since 2005. I can honestly say that your writing is a lot better that some students who were born here. Don’t hesitate to ask for help with your future assignments. Good luck!

Answer 2

I'd change these sentences:

I was born the second of twin daughters in Germany on August 13, 1989.

I went to elementary school, middle school, and high school in Korea. My sister and I immigrated to the U.S. to study English on August 2, 2005.

I lived with my aunt's family, but sometimes I felt uncomfortable using or eating things that didn't belong to me.

Eight months later I went to live with my grandparents, and I transferred to another school. In the new school I couldn't get used to the different environment, different students, and different teaching style.


--- In your second section --- (only the parts you might change)
However, I was striving to become accustomed to those different things, and I could see how I had become mature through the difficulty and hardship.

My parents always told me to keep trying and moving forward even if when things are hard to get through.

Because the book takes place in the U.S. during the Great Depression, the story is about racial discrimination.

The main character, Rinko, is threatened and treated badly by stereotypical people, however, she gets through those threats and the oppression.

After I read the book, I understood that Rinko and I have something in common with each other: we both had a hard time at first in the U.S., but we made it through the difficult situations we faced as immigrants.


--- In your third section --- (only the parts you might change)

Because there are so many applicants to the good colleges in my country, I didn’t think I would be able to get into a good college where I could get better opportunities to learn.

I think I am good at math and science, but I don’t think I am that good at English and social studies.

I have experienced many things than could motivate and encourage me to do something beneficial and helpful.

I think motivation and inspiration from my experience will drive me to accomplish my goals.