Am i a bad person?

Question

ok dont get me wrong i am a very good person but lately i have wanted a baby more than anything!! This has been going on for so many years now that it is not funny. I am 19, have a great partner and we are currently looking at buying our first home. I know my partner wants kids down the track but not just yet but he has said that if i get pregnant again we will just have to keep it cause he doesnt want to put me through what we have in the past(i had 2 miscarriages). So i have been putting holes in the condoms in a hope that i will fall pregnant. I know that i am ready for this and i am prepared to give everything to the child. I know my partner will be happy for us but the way i am going about it is making me feel really bad. Any suggestions??? I dont want to hear any forms of abuse i just really need some support and help from some other women out there who may have gone through the same thing or no what im talking about.

Just to let you know this is not to fill a void or anything as we already have 4 dogs. I just really want children.

Answer 1

I don't think that your a bad person and i can completely understand that feeling of wanting a baby! I have been through a similar thing but in the end Hun it ain't worth all the trouble. Have you considered talking to a close family member of even a friend perhaps?? Someone that wont tell him what you have been doing? If not maybe you should go and speak to a counsellor about your problems, you never know it might help!! That clock may be ticking very loudly but maybe you need to put the earmuffs on and try to ignore it for a bit longer. Sit down and have a talk with your partner, you may be very surprised at his response! Good Luck with your decision and i hope that it all goes well for you.

God bless you and may you make the right decision.

Answer 2

You're not a bad person, you're desperate to have a baby, but I would advise you not to press for it. First, knowing about miscarriages, I can tell you it will happen when the time is right for you and the baby. Deceiving your partner can come to a bitter end because of trust. You're putting your happiness at risk and it will not work in the end. A friend of mine did the same thing and he left, he felt he can never trust her again with anything. He went back for a short time after the baby was born but it just didn't work out for him and he's a nice guy. He felt he'd been violated and just couldn't trust her anymore. Sad thing!
You should wait, all good things come to those who wait.
Once you got your home and are settled and see how the finances are, talk it over and let him know how you feel. If you need support look for a support group in the phone book, only women who have gone through what you have, know how you feel.
Good Luck to you!

Answer 3

I wouldnt say you are a bad person, however being disshonest with your partner is a bad idea and just plain well,,,Wrong.I thought I was ready in my 20's here I am in my thirties and well, I think I could be a a better and more emotionally and financially stable parent.And both are a huge blimp on the radar screen when it comes to having children.I dint try to get pregnant so early, but we didnt try not to either.Are you educated do you know what you want to do before, after and during this childs life, do you have health insurance is your partner ready for this, can you afford day care childcare food for a family forumula for a child diapers a mortgage car payment electicity,water, garbage, sewer billsfuel for your car, inspection stickers state stickers,new tires what if your refridgerator or washing machine breaks down how are you going to wash his/her clothes can you afford to go out and replace the appliance immediatly honey most people even in their late twenties thirties and fourties dont have it put togather to do these things, My husband and I both work full time jobs and SOMETIMES ITS STILL NOT ENOUGH.aLL THIS ADDS UP AND PUTS STRESS ON A FAMILY AND CHILDREN i PROMISE THATS THE LAST THING YOU WANT a BABY WILL COME AT The righttime, but get your life straight first so that you can offer him/her the best life!
God Bless!

Answer 4

U really need to wait..your partner is thinking about your future which is most important right now..why dont u talk with him and tell him how u feel? thats better then him finding out u have been poking holes in the condoms (which is very wrong by the way),he will find out....

That will really ruin the trust he has for you...chances are if u tell him your feelings towards this he may agree...Stop poking holes,that is not helping and will only make things worse...U are still young and u have years to decide this..wait until u buy your house at least for that baby...Good Luck!

Answer 5

I do not think you are a bad person but I believe that you may feel that a baby will somehow resolve unaddressed issues that you may have about love and relationships. Also it is not a good idea to be deceitful to a person who you love and who you say loves you maybe you are not really sure if he really loves you and somehow you think having a baby will make things better. Wrong. Honesty is always best because if you are truthful then they have to deal with the truth not a lie and then you will see who they really are. Do not try to keep a man by having a baby because the baby did not ask to be part of your relationship issues, resolve them first. Also I would be concerned that you are maybe a high risk pregnancy due to your miscarriages and maybe need some genetic testing maybe there is something wrong with the fetus and genetic counseling will help resolve that issue. Please stop what you are doing and go talk to your Dr. and if you don't think you can talk openly to your doc then you need a new one, Good Luck.

Answer 6

It is wrong yes, but because you are not being honest with your significant other who probably trusts you. I do not think you are a bad person but why would you put this on him when he sounds like he is going to be there. Talk to him about wanting children but don't force him into it. You have time to have children and maybe he has a reason for not wanting children right away. At least talk to him. If he finds out this is happening what happens to your relationship? This is plain truth. I could not be with someone who lied to me that way. He is being responsible and I'm sure you two can decide something reasonable. He may want to wait and make sure he is able to provide enough support for you and a baby. If he would be happy why do things like that. Talk to him. It is the only advice I can give you. I understand your wanting children, but I have to tell you you would be happier knowing you two created this with no hiding things.

Answer 7

Wanting a baby so bad does not make you a bad person.... for three years i wanted a baby, my hubby at the time told me we need to wait.... we just brought a house and he wanted to wait so we can get everything..... it got so hard on me whenever we talked about a family..... (i use to cry about it).... after a year of owning the home he passed away, now i dont know if it was meant to be that we dont have any kids but i was a bit relieves.... after two years of griefing and crying i fell in love again.... within a year of my second marriage i found out i was pregnant..... well, i am sharing this story with you so you know that there is a reason for things not happening right now... when the time is right, dont worry, it will happen.... just keep it positive.... good luck

Answer 8

hi first of all of course your not a bad person its your right as a woman to be a mother & no body should deny you the oppourtunity but dont continue what your doing because once the babys there & if your partner finds out what you've done he might resent you or even worse your child & no mother wants her innocent little baby to be resented your partner may be really bitter about it & children can always tell.i wanted a baby so bad my partner didnt really get the chance to express his opinion i suppose in a way i railroaded him into but to no avail we tried for two years & then we decided we would wait before trying again only to find out i was indeed pregnant of course my husband wouldnt change anything now we adore our son & havent yet decided if & when to try again but once my husband got used to the idea he was all for it (i was young too.i was 20 when i had my son) maybe your partner needs his own time to come to terms with the idea dont force him into it give him time maybe a year or two if hes simply not ready he must be worth the wait, but if you feel hes never going to be ready say 10 years you may need to give him an ulturmatum.think about it whats more important having a happy family that loves eachother or having a child your partner could leave you would it be worth it when you simply couldve waited!!!
goodluck i hope it works out for the best!

Answer 9

First, you don't want to start a life off with a lie. This lie will haunt you if things don't turn out to be all roses and sunny days. If you can't talk to your partner about starting a family, then you shouldn't be starting one now, let alone without his consent. You're 19. There's no rush to have a baby right now, even though I know that clock is ticking really loud. Hang in there and keep communication open between you and your partner. Good luck.

Answer 10

Hmm, well i strongly believe that you should sit and have a conversation with your partner, both of you should want that baby,its more romantic, and your partner has the right to be able to decide if hes ready or not.Him not being ready might bring negative results.Theres a reaswon for everything and im pretty sure theres a reason why u havent gotten pregnant :)