Wife caught cheating, becomes more secretive and is playing the victim.?

Question

This isnt the first time it has happened and I have finally accepted that its just not repairable. She has no remorse, and acts as if her actions were justified.
I have tried at first to forgive and forget but my insticnts told me she was still messing around. She claims it was nothing physical, but has been proven to be such I liar, how am I expected to beleive that.
This is not the first time she has done this, but its the first time I got proof.
I have been all over her case, and I cant control myself. I feel in my gut she is up to no good, she has changed her passwords, will not let me see the buisness checking account that has been funding her adventures.
Should I expect to be able to see these things, in order to save this mess or just give up on this.
I have been married over 20 years, and accepting this change coming has been the hardest part.
There are major financial repurcutions to also condsider. Just looking for advice on how I can get through this mess.
TIA

Answer 1

Heard the author speak about modern male and female expectations in society all about sex, credit cards and and fake roles both men and women play.

He spoke on the Playboy satelite radio program this afternoon. His observations have disrupted a lot of minds who still act and believe its 1955. Look it up or listen to the playback on Playboy.com the 2PM -4PM time slot.
Here's the guys website.
His name is Mark H. Roduv

http://themansnononsenseguidetowomen.com/

Answer 2

THE ONLY thing you can do is the dreaded D word:DIVORCE

If she didn't have anything to hide then she wouldn't have changed her passwords and would have let you seen her business checking accounts.

20 years is a long to be married and adultery is very good grounds for divorce. You have a strong case just be sure to shop around for the best lawyer that your money can buy.

Shes a liar and a cheat and you don't need to put up with it any longer. Shes hurting you and not treating you like a good loving wife should. Its time for you two to part ways.

Yes there are major financial repercussions to consider and yes accepting change will be hard but you will eventually learn to adapt. When you divorce you have to make sacrifices sometimes.

She doesn't want to change and she isn't going to. She doesn't deserve you. Save the heartache and the headaches.

I wish you the best and I truly do hope you make the best decision for you!

Answer 3

First of all, I am so sorry this is happening to you. Unfortuately, she is cheating again, and your gut instinct is right, you know it to be. A 20 yr union is hard to swallow, but it must be ended. She obviously does not respect or really love you if she's throwing it in your face babe. Your right for being pissed. I would suggest moving out and finding a good lawyer. When a spouse cheats, that is immediate grounds for divorce. The lawyer will help with the financial stuff as well. Just get away from her first. Baby steps. But do hire an attorney. You don't deserve to be screwed that way too. Good luck..

Answer 4

Tis,
Now you need to play the dective or hire one. You need all the proof you can get so she don't take your *** to the cleaners. Stop riding her *** & just sit back and "allow" what she does so you can get evidence against her. My husband was taken to the cleaners by a cheating ex-wife, he did have evidence but apparently what he had was not good enough. He only had statements from about 10 others (neighbors & a best friends husband) and a pic of her & "boyfriend" and pics of boyfriends car at her place during the middle of the night. A professional was not hired due to finances but I do suggest that you hire a professional if you can afford it. Protect yoour ASSets. My hubby pays $662.50 a month and there were NO CHILDREN ever in that marriage or no property and she even worked. Good luck!!

Answer 5

First and foremost, get your own banking account and quick. If she's doing what i suspect she's doing, she setting herself up to be sitting pretty if/when you leave. And this is coming from a woman who's in the midst of a divorce as we speak, the last thing you need during this is to have to worry about financial matters as well. Get yourself set up so that you can take care of yourself (any any kids you have). Then tell her you want to see a counselor. The fact that you aren't allowed to see her information wouldn't worry me. What worries me is that you used to be able to and then she changed it all. That's a sign that she's hiding something. And when she won't show you the checking acct, what excuse does she give? I hate to tell you but your wife is up to good. Again, coming from a woman who knows...

As for how to get thru this, set yourself up for the worst experience of your life. I know that's harsh but it's what is about to happen. Make sure your living arrangements and finances are in order because you're about to go onto auto pilot. When this hits the fan you will be over come w/ emotion and the day to day will have to take care of itself for a while. As for how to survive it. Find something you can bury yourself into, work, a hobby, physical fitness. Just make sure it's not something detrimental like drinking or drugs. And surround yourself by people who love you. Spend a lot of time w/ friends and family. Plan a trip to see them if you haven't in a while. But don't feel bad about leaning on them, this is what they are there for and you'll need it.

Hug and good luck!

Answer 6

if she is not remorseful, and blames u, and it's not the first time, it would be safe to say there isn't too much hope. people can always find a reason to cheat, and someone to blame for it, but u don't go outside the the marriage to fix things, so this isn't about u or anything u have done to her, it is about her, her character, her level of loyalty to u, and just plain no control over her impulses. sometimes we just have to cut our losses loose out financially and rebuild our life. sometimes money doesn't really bring happiness, she sounds so deceitful, u have forgiven, and done your best, time to get rid of her, even if u loose financially, best to live by yourself than to live with betrayal. those who have nothing to hide will hide nothing, think she is going to do whatever she pleases, no matter whose life it destroys, just selfish. she won't understand until it's her who is hurt and upset.

Answer 7

Best advice I can give is get out before she bankrupts you.My ex did something very close to this also.If she is being secretive more than likely she is doing something wrong.I'm not sure if you can do this and legally get away with it but I would move most of my money out of the bank and put it somewhere until things die down.What ever you do its still going to be messy.

Answer 8

Been in this same situation....the only thing you can do is get out and get out while you can. She is only going to keep up with this stuff and hopefully you can get out of this situation with some sense of your pride left. If you need another guy just to talk to about this that has been in this situation just email me at [e-mail] There doesn't seem like much you are going to be able to do to stop her so just get out.

Answer 9

Get all the money out of the account and let her fund her own adventures

Answer 10

She's cheating and it's obvious. Maybe talking to a counselor (I know, same answer but it does help) will help straighten things out. Or confront your wife and tell her you know exactly what is going on and tell her you want the truth...maybe it's time to end it. Try to straighten everything out first.