When does the pain stop?

Question

I left my husband....he has been cheating for the majority of our marriage.. There are days I'm fine and then days like this when I'm angry and lost. He still continues to see one of the chicks he tricked off with and they hang around ppl we know like they have done nothing wrong. She is also married and still with her husband. Her husband is also doing his thing. I have our child and I'm basically doing this parent thing alone. He has every other weekend, still has the apartment and I'm staying with my moms. The one enjoyment I had I'm not even supposed to have (another man...after I left my husband). So now that's gone. I've done nothing to deserve this and I'm so angry and sad. I'm starting to dislike my husband. I know to move on but I just wish there was something I can do to make this transition easier. I guess there is nothing to answer. I just needed to vent!

Answer 1

(((hugs))) Vent away, I hear journalling help too. It does get better with time provided you don't allow bitterness to creep in. I wish you peace and happiness.

Here's some Dr. Phil links;
"Life After Divorce"
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/213
"Healing A Broken Heart"
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/18

Answer 2

The pain of being used and lied to will never go away.You will learn to live with it but the memory will always be there.When someone does this kind of thing in a relationship it hurts the victim emotionally and mentally.Forget dating for awhile because you are not mentally ready for the challenge yet.Just leaving a bad relationship and trying to date soon after usually just makes things worse for you.Chances are you won't be able to enjoy yourself because of the memories or the odd feelings of being with someone else.Also if you start dating to soon you will make some bad choices because alot of men will use the fact that you are venerable and take advantage of it.Keep your self respect and hold your head high knowing you did the right thing.Stand by your kids and get to know YOU again.Lean on friends that you can talk to or find some new ones.Its still going to be tough for a couple of years but it will get better.I have been through it and its been 6 years now and I still have a bad day sometimes.I can now look back and say that I was the better person and I stood by my kids,did the right thing and lived a clean life.I didn't jump out and live the single life trying to bed every woman that I found.Most important thing to me is my kids seen what kind of life I lived and they will always know that their dad was a good hearted respectable person.You can do the same with a little patience.

Answer 3

Well Lady pain is a part of life and marriage/divorce. NO YOU DONT DESERVE what your husband did to you.

#1 Its a sad situation. When your husband married you he was in lust not love. YOU were the one that was in love.

#2 He obviously doesn't care and its natural to stop liking you for making you feel the hurt and anger your feeling.

#3 Remember EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Out of bad things comes good. It will take time for you to get over your hurt. He will get his eventually.

#4 Being basically a single parent is hard and at least right know you have your mom to help you. I know you probably dont want to be with your mom right now but things will get better.

If you ever want to talk just IM me or send me an email. Good luck.

Answer 4

So very sorry this happened to you, you sound like a really nice person. Unfortuately sweetie, this pain will only go away with time. You have your child to concentrate on from here on out. Don't bash Dad in front of the kiddo either. No place for that in a single parent home. Eventually, you will find another person who loves you for you, and would NEVER think of leaving you. But for now, give yourself time to grieve. You've lost something precious, your mate, and your relationship. Its normal what your going through. Just sucks to feel it is all. Feel better!

Answer 5

All i can say is it does get better but it takes time, lots and lots of it. Unfortunately i don't have a fast forward button (or trust me I'd have used it by now, going thru a divorce as well) so all you can do is fill your time with things that make you feel better. Plan girls nights out w/ you and your girlfriends (no men allowed). Plan family days with you and your parents and your child. But when you start to feel lonely and panicky call someone. Lean on your friends and family while you are going thru this, that's what they are there for!

Answer 6

I'll give you an illustration beforehand. You want a hot drink but you got a glass of cold water in your hand, All you got to do is throw away the cold water and refill the glass with hot water, The same is true with our hurts and pains and bitterness and toxic emotions which besets us, we have to let it go in order to let the brand new feeling of being alive and happy to come in our life. How? LET GO AND LET GOD.
Let go of your deepest hurts and resentments and let God take full control of your life and just remember the principle of sowing and reaping. God is not mocked, whatsoever man sows, he reaps. If your husband can not be the right man, then just be the right woman for him. Do your best to be a good mother to your child and God will see you through. Someday your husband will realize his mistakes and come back to you. Those who hope in the Lord will never be shaken.

Answer 7

Starting to dislike your husband? I'm impressed with your resolve, I think most people in the same situation would have hit the spouse with a frying pan, or something of similar pain. Vent and keep venting till you get better, your child needs you

Answer 8

Truthfully, crying helps. It does no good to bottle emotions in any circumstance.

Being betrayed by someone you love is likened to them dying in your heart. Your emotions made you believe they were someone who cared about you as deeply as you did about them, and when they prove you wrong, that image of them (the person you actually loved) dies.

You're going to have to go through a full grieving cycle to get over it. Unfortunately, it takes a different amount of time for different people. It's going to hurt like hell for a long time especially since you have to see him regularly, and nothing I can say will make you really feel better. Just talk with your friends and family about your feelings, and you'll be on your way.

One more thing, make your grieving about you, and not about him. Take pleasure in the love of your child, and your mother. Tell them you love them.

Answer 9

it does take time to get past it, but u need to get out too, maybe therapy, as it is hard to go something like this alone. get your divorce than go out again, meet someone new, all men aren't like the man u have. be good to yourself. the hurt does leave us eventually, but there is no set time. life isn't fair, sometimes it does look as if we are getting the worst of it. but know that life holds all kinds of possibilities, you won't be like this forever. we all have these things happen in our lives, and it is never easy, we may never understand why us. but we are exactly where we are suppose to be and is right in terms of your happiness and fulfillment. there may be a crisis going on now within u, but this crisis is the very thing that will eventually gain u permanent peace.

Answer 10

My wife left me for another man on the internet,She took my two sons and left.I wasent the best husband and never cheated on her just wasent there enough for her at that time.I did not deserve what she did.Its been seven years since and I always stayed in contact with my two sons .I iam now remarried to a wonderful women and my sons like her alot.It was really hard to adjust to what she put me in but finally I realized that I had to move on with my life.It was very tough until I met my now wife.She really helped me through everything.I think you should find someone who cares for you.We all need love and trying to cope with what your going through alone will be really hard to do.the best thing I found was to be around people.Being alone doesent work.