I recently meet this great person, who I know consider a friend, and from the very start if was obviously she was trans. She totally denies it and tells everyone she's real girl. I don't want to hurt her feelings so I go along with it but I don't think she realizes that everyone already knows but just chooses not to say anything. We live in Toronto, Canada were most people are pretty open minded. I'm wondering if I should tell her that I know she's trans and it doesn't phase me at all or if I should just keep on pretending I don't know. She's seems very paranoid all the time that people will "find" out when in reality people already know. I need to hear other people's opinion before I make up my mind.
2007-01-23 12:45:29 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Yes, I think you should keep pretending, even if you are 100% certain that she is trans. The thing about calling her on it is that it's a deeply personal thing and she does not want to be identified as male. She is obviously trying very hard to be female.
It is great that you do not mind her being transsexual, but I would suggest another way of going about letting her know that. Maybe you could take her for a girl's night out, or treat her to a day at the spa to make her feel even more feminine. I am sure that she would appreciate that gesture.
2007-01-23 12:53:34 · answer #1 · answered by Rat 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is a very difficult question.
She says she's not and if you love her you are going to have to accept that, because that's what it means to be transexual. Assuming she is a T then she has spent many years having to live in a man's body, knowing she is a woman.
As far as she is concerned she is a real girl.
If she is trans, though, she can't have children, not at the current state of technology.
May I just ask you to consider very briefly the possibility that she was born a woman? How do you think she would feel if you said to her that you think she was born a man?
I feel that you have to get to know her a lot better, build up mutual confidence and love, and then perhaps she'll tell you about her past.
By the way I don't think you and her are going to stay together.
Not if you are worried about what the folks back home in Thunder Bay are going to think.
2007-01-23 12:56:27 · answer #2 · answered by Augusta B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would treat her the same way you would any other woman. She obviously feels like a woman so if you respect her then don't mention the fact she is trans. You might suggest that she seek out counseling however as it is a prerequisite for a sex-change and it would help her sort out her feelings. It's a tough one. Maybe when you two are alone and talking you could gently bring up the subject. Just be reassuring and make sure she knows that you still love and support her.
2007-01-23 12:57:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-02 23:26:34 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please just keep pretending you don't know .... really what would you gain by telling her something she already knows. Your obviously OK with and like her for who she is. I think you will only hurt and embarrass her by telling her you and everybody else knows her "secret" .Just keep on being her friend and treat her with respect and kindness.She sounds like special person with a lot of courage. Why would you even think about doing something that may upset or make her feel bad?
By the way she is "real" girl... she always was. She was just born into the wrong body.
2007-01-23 13:16:28 · answer #5 · answered by nappeeone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is now a real girl. If she has went through the operation and all procedures she has worked hard to become a woman. If everyone knows about that, that is their business. She not feel like telling anybody because she doesn't feel it needs to be discussed. If you are her friend, just be there for her. She may need someone to talk with if something negative ever does occur.
2007-01-23 12:53:43 · answer #6 · answered by The Gay Argentian Seal 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i'm on toronto too.. i'm sure she already knows that people are aware of her. i don't think you should come right out and point the finger at her.. just be yourself and try to show that you are very open and loving towards people for who they are, and eventually, if she feels comfortable talking about it, then let her bring it up.
personally, i'd love to meet some transwomen to become friends with.. i don't agree with my gender role and i consider these people role models for going all the way with transition..
but yah, if people already know, so what. as long as they aren't rude or mean to her..
2007-01-23 12:57:16 · answer #7 · answered by Jeff 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people just back in a new closet after transitioning. You could try having a private converation as a concerned friend worried about the other being in denial or something. Just an idea.
2007-01-23 23:39:19 · answer #8 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a reason for her not telling so keep pretending until she's ready to tell, although you can make comments on how you admire people who have the courage to be who they really know they are. But don't push let her tell in her own time
2007-01-23 13:51:28 · answer #9 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you feel you are good enough friends then why dont you ask her to have--come for lunch or something and have a conversation. tell her you think she is hiding something from you and you would like to know what it is. Should she ask you what makes you say that then she has now opened the door for you to tell her you think she is-------- whatever.
2007-01-23 13:22:47 · answer #10 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋