i help him thru depression, suicide threats bc he got a one night stand pregnant before we met. I feel he layed a huge burden on my shoulders. I told him many times to seek prof help, but he wanted to talk to only me. Then when I help him come to terms with having a child, he ends our relationhip to pursue one with the mom. And I found this out when I was in the hospital., she called me, & then when I confronted him he told me never to call him again!They are not together shockingly. After, I figured he was confused and wanted to remain friends, but now he completely ignores me and I feel so hurt and used, and all I cant help but call him &leave messages& yell at him,deservingly so. I cant let it go and dont know what to do anymore. I am in therapy, &its just not right.I feel the whole suicide thing he layed on me got to me,& I cant understand how someone can possibly do this to another human being?I thought I knew him and he really valued me.Its been 6 months &i cant let the anger go.
2007-01-23 12:19:22 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Perhaps I can offer a tool or two.
First, a rule about relationships that may sound a bit different-
"It takes two to make it." That's true. But two take-away one is no longer two- it only takes one to break it.
Regardless of what we say- What we do is who we are. Take a good look at what his actions were (without factoring in the excuses) to see who he really is, then ask yourself why you would want such a person in your life.
Love is a gift, and it exists ONLY as a gift. This means it's both given and received in that way, without expectation or requirements- because under other conditions it is no longer love, it then becomes obligation and duty, the acts of dependency. Ask yourself how much of the exchange between you really were gifts of love- and how much was not.
You have been in a mutually dependent relationship. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but this is a lot like an addiction, and it hurts to let it go. FIND your power, by taking total responsibility for yourself- everything you feel, think, say or do. Once you do that, you will be able to close the book on this chapter, and life can begin again.
2007-01-23 13:57:57 · answer #1 · answered by spiritgide41 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
6 Months? Girl, try 6 years!! That's my story and I don't want the same thing to happen to you. Being in therapy is definitely a step in the right direction. Expressing your anger instead of letting it build up inside of you is also a positive move. Do I understand your pain? Of course, I do! Do you have a right to feel the way you do? Damn straight. Anger is a very powerful emotion and our response to some type of fear- fear of not being loved, fear of rejection, etc. Your goal right now is to not let it overwhelm you. You are a good person who tried to help someone else and then he treated you like dirt. Well, you know what? HE'S the one with the problem, not you. I feel your pain but you can't let it run (or ruin) your life. If this happens, he wins. If you move on with your life, accept the pain and allow yourself to heal, YOU WIN. You are a good person. Live your life that way. I know that this is easier said than done, but give it time and say your prayers. Ask for the strength to go on each day and to do great things. You'll see, in time your heart will heal. Key words? Patience and Prayer. I know that you can do this. And YOU KNOW that he's really not worth spending negative energy on, don't you? Of course you do. So, put your best foot forward and you go, girl!!
2007-01-23 12:39:50 · answer #2 · answered by JOURNEY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep working with the therapist. Eventually your anger will subside when you realize that the guy was not only unworthy of your affection and help, but also not worthy of you, nor your companionship. You are so much better off without him. He was bad news all around.
In the future, only do what is in your heart to do for other people. When you give of yourself, your money or your time let that in itself be your reward. That way ingratitude won't hurt you so much.
God bless you.
2007-01-23 12:34:55 · answer #3 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy is best!! Time will heal your pain. You should journal your feelings. Do things for yourself-get a facial, exercise-things to relax you.Get out and do fun things w/ your girl friend. It sounds like he has some issues (maybe bi-polar)
Pray for him and move on!!
2007-01-23 12:54:09 · answer #4 · answered by the librarian 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There was no meeting of the minds. You were each looking for something different. Remember you were dealing with a very sick person. Don't expect him to respond like a normal person.
2007-01-23 12:30:36 · answer #5 · answered by robert m 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋