My hubby had an affair and i ablsolutely cannot let it go. I'm tired of being unhappy, I'm tired of thinking i deserve better than this and thats it out there somewhere and here i am stuck in this misery. Problem: We are in debt up our a**, and I am not self supportive. He makes a ton more money than I can even hope to make, so even if i get a decent job and child support, I will still sink. I've stayed this long cuz of money and the kids, but they are not good enough reasons anymore. I simply cant do it anymore. What do i do? Realize i am indeed stuck and stay in it unhappy or just leave and loose my house, my car, etc? What does one do in this situation? When you know you wanna go, but you know you cant? I'm going crazy living like this, i have days i wanna get in my car and leave everything, even my own kids, and that is so not me, my kids are my everything. What to do?
2007-01-23 12:18:27 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he makes as much money as you say, then you will receive a fair share in the divorce proceedings. Talk to a lawyer about your rights and what you could reasonably expect to receive from the divorce.
2007-01-23 12:22:22 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Smooth 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not stuck. You are staying for the money and if you are not happy with that then you must make a decision to leave. If there are children involved, you will likely get alimony. Also, if you are able bodied individual, you can go out and get a job, go to school or take steps in that direction. He will have to pay up some money at least for awhile. Maybe you won't have the same standard of living as before but if happiness is important to you then quit whining and make your move. Talk to a lawyer, they can give you an idea of what you can expect to receive for financial support.
2007-01-23 12:42:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you,been there done that, I felt the same way you did,although, I did work, my husband always told me I would never be anything,nobody would want me, and I could never make it without him, I stayed because of the kids also, but things kept getting worse, at least you weren't in a foriegn country with a 10 yr old daughter and 6 mo old son, I felt the same fears that you're feeling,my husband was a womanizer and a gambler, always made execellent money, but always f*cked it up,we never aquired anything and we were married 12 yrs,I was devasted because I didn't want to be a single mother, but one day I said ,I've done everything that is humanly possible to make this marriage work,it almost killed me to leave my husband, that was 15 yrs ago, I left him with the clothes on my back and had to start over,now he's in worse shape then he's ever been in his life, I know it's not easy,but pray and find the strength to leave him, by law he has to take care of you and his kids,walk away while you can,when you're not happy,the kids aren't happy,you can do it
don't let any man tell you, that you can't make it,you will do better!!!! I know I did and so can you,good luck to you
2007-01-23 13:41:19 · answer #3 · answered by msalb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok now get yourself together here.First and foremost you can't help anybody being rattled brained(kids)you must first figure out a plan don't just jump up and leave.If your not happy that is the moat miserable feeling in the world been there done that too.I jumped up and left after 25 years of the madness so I know what your talking about.Anyways is a car house etc going to bring you back to reality if you go NUTS or even stress your self to a stroke and or heartache???It ain't worth it.Take your car and the money you have cloths a little bit travel light and get OUT...You can buy a new house and anything else but you can't buy yourself a new brain and or body.It can't work both ways ither you live with it or get "OUT".bottom LINE I wish you well...
2007-01-23 12:29:40 · answer #4 · answered by gblue52 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares about the house and car? You can get your own house and another car without his help. First things first. Go and see a lawyer ASAP. They will be able to consult with you on what you need to do to file for divorce and because your husband makes a lot of money they will definitely take your case. Gather up all your evidence as to his cheating. Right down dates, places, everything that confirms his infidelity. Next get all of the financial documents on your husband. Everything that he makes. Make sure he doesn't have any separate accounts with money he might be using for extracurricular activities. Hide all of this and don't let him find out what you are doing. Next...sit down and figure out what you want to do with your life. You will have to earn a living. Hopefully with alimony and child support you will be able to maintain a smaller home until you get settled into a career.
Please don't allow yourself to stay in an unhappy marriage because of material things. This guy has got you right where he wants you. Dependent on him so he knows he can cheat on you and you will always forgive him. Get rid of this turd and start a new life.
2007-01-23 12:41:06 · answer #5 · answered by LuvMyGirls 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation. If your miserable, leave. Simple as that. So you have debt, who doesn't. My ex husband left me with 3 kids (2, 4 and 10), no job, no education, and no money of my own. I was terrified, but I did what I had to do. I went to college, I was able to get grants, a friend babysat for a very minimal fee. I lived off child support ( which was barely enough to pay the bills), I had to throw all pride out the window and get food stamps to feed my kids. His walking out was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was forced to "pull up my big girl panties and deal with it". I worked my butt off in school and raising my kids, but I did it. I now have the career of my dreams, making way more money than my ex. I'm remarried to the man of my dreams and have another child and best of all,for the first time in my life I'm self sufficient and am proud of my life and what I have done for myself. By the way, it took me 5 years from the time he left to get my degree. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Will you move forward or will you be exactly where you are now? The choice is yours. I know, as a mom, your concerned about your children, but let me tell you. When your happy, they're happy, whether your spending alot of money to entertain them or sitting on your living room floor playing board games. Good luck!
2007-01-23 12:39:21 · answer #6 · answered by nursejen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay this is going to sound really messed up but after all this is everyones opinions i am divorced and about to remarry and believe it or not i was once in your shoes i had no job and a child to support except i did not have a car i had nothing. it is a hard road to travel and im not sure where you live but all honesty this is what i did but i also was in a relationship that was verbally abusive and he constantly had affairs so i did not feel wrong to do this. okay here we go i always got to pay bills for him or go get food for the house so sad but true i skimmed money from him a lil each week. until i had enough to feed my children and myself i went to a family members home and got a job there is also assistance for single mothers i had to get which was food stamps child care ect there are things out there for you. I was never one to go get that kind of help because i felt there were people who needed more. but i left him and i did fine leaving with nothing but a lil money in my pocket. things can get much worse if you stay.and its not healthy for your children to see you that way. also child support is based off the income between the both of you and if he is makeing alot of money he will have to pay to help raise both of your children. good luck to you. dont stay if you arent happy especially if you are starting to feel the way you are about your children its just not worth it when you can be a better mom to them without your husband. good luck you can make it through it.
2007-01-23 12:45:21 · answer #7 · answered by nuzzihuzzi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it depends on what state your in and what their laws are. In some states the husband must still pay somewhat for the lifestyle of the wife while they were married if she was a non working mother. And what about assests, he will have to give you part of everything in most states. You have the law on your side with the case of infidelity. It might be worth the money to speak to an attorney, than the medicals bills to treat mental illness wich is where you are headedd if you dont resolve the situation.
2007-01-23 12:29:11 · answer #8 · answered by Thom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take your kids and move in with your family for the time being till you can get on your feet and support yourself and your kids. Do not stay with him just for the kids and sue him for child support unless you go for joint custody. If you feel stuck then get out if you have to. Cant your family help you out at all? Get a full time job now and start looking for a place. Take baby steps towards getting out. You dont have to make as much as he does to take proper care of your kids and be a good mom to them.
2007-01-23 12:31:19 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just start working on ways to get out if you want out that bad. Save money, work on getting skills that will help you get a better job. Go back to school. Don't make a big deal out of it, or tell him that's what you're doing. Just quietly start planning to leave. Meanwhile, stay with him since he can support you until you feel confident you can support yourself and kids.
2007-01-23 12:30:37 · answer #10 · answered by benjis.girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋