I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. We already live together. However, he is technically married. They filed for divorce 2 years ago but can't come to an agreement with the custody of the kids. I still haven't met his kids and when he has them over the weekend he goes to his sister's house. At first i was fine since I wanted his divorce to go smoothly. Plus we didn't want to tramatize the kids. That's what the family court said. To wait to bring a 3rd person into the pic. The kids are 4 and 2 years old. But i have a feeling this is going to take a long time. The kids and ex-wife know about me. But I still haven't met the kids. I was wondering what is a good timeframe to meet them? FYI-The oldest kid saw a pic of me and my boyfriend asked if he wanted to meet me and he said he wasn't ready.I'm new to this so any info helps
2007-01-23 10:55:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
umm. just wait tell the divorce goes smoothly over. then wait tell the ex-wifes ready. then wait tell the kids are ready. (a long time) i would say a year to a year and a half minimum
2007-01-23 10:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by daddy f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all your boyfriend should not put the child in charge by asking the child to make an adult decision. Secondly, you have lived together for a year and he takes them somewhere else for his weekends! Sounds a little absurd to me. It is high time he grows a set and has you and his children meet and have his visitations at your home. It is 2007, no court in yhis country will care if you live together before his long overly drawn out court battle is over. I waited about 4 months to have my kids meet my then boyfiend and my now husband. They were 2 and 4 and handled it just fine. Good luck!!!
2007-01-23 11:07:08 · answer #2 · answered by Amber 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think you and your BF might go long-term, it's probably time to start planning a meeting between you and his kids. Let the kids decide when, where and for how long they meet you for the first time and take it from there.
If your boyfriend has been talking about you to the kids, they should feel like they know you enough to meet you soon.
Props for being so patient and understanding.
2007-01-23 11:01:40 · answer #3 · answered by eileezy2002 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, let me commend you for being so understanding and mature about your situation.
Let the children decide when they will meet you. If the older one is not ready yet chances are it will reflect as a negative experience and you don't want that. Be patient and let them lead. I would encourage your boyfriend to bring up your name as often as possible in conversation. This way the kids can familiarize themselves with you even if you are not physically with them. This also will show them that you are pretty much a permanent part of Dad's life. Good luck to you!
2007-01-23 11:04:24 · answer #4 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I would like to sympathize with you. I am dating a guy with 3 kids and his divorce is not finalized yet either. His ex-wife hates my guts, with a vengance mind you. his mother hates me (creepy bi woman who sounds like she could beat the daylights outta me) and his dad is an old liar. His kids love me though. they are 4, 3, and almost 2. the oldest, paige, says im her girlfriend. She's so sweet and i love that gir to death! they all have their own little personalities and they are amazing kids. but like you, ive never met them. ive only spoken with them on the phone and talked to them. They've all seen my picture, since its the backround of my boyfriends computer. Really, i think its how your boyfriend approaches the whole thing. If they think of it in a non threatening way, like you being their playmate first, and daddys girlfriend second, and then daddys wife third. at least thats how im approaching it. ill let you know how it works out for me. BTW his ex wife is a druggie who cant take care of the kids. so they need a mother figure in their lives anyways. You and I are the few... the brave... and the crazy for taking on not only a guy but his kids too. dont worry everything WILL work out for the better dear. believe me.. its what i pray for at night!
~Love Always
Bianca
2007-01-23 11:22:18 · answer #5 · answered by lapuertoricana1658 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When the kids are ready then meet them but not until then. Give them time to get used to the idea of you first. Do what is right for the kids in this situation.
2007-01-23 11:17:36 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am with a partner that is going through a long and difficult divorce. His kids are 18; 23; and 25. and are still not ready.
We have been together for two years. you want an honest opinion? why rush into it. do you need to meet them? what ever for? so you will get babysitting duty? let it go for as long as you can. they will be in your life forever and believe me, you will miss those days when you had nothing to do with his brats.
2007-01-23 11:03:00 · answer #7 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should meet them as soon as possible. He might want to introduce you as a friend at first until they're comfortable around you. But if you plan to be with this man, you need to create some kind of relationship with his kids. It's not easy, I recently went through this myself, but it's worth it. My boyfriend's son lives in another state and since he went back 4 months ago, I think I miss him as much as his dad does. Good luck!
2007-01-23 11:02:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the kids should be put first. He should bring you into conversation with them on a regular basis so they can get to know what kind of person you are. This can lead to asking them if they want to meet you. When they do want to meet you, meet them on nuetral territory. Like just meet them for lunch or dinner.
2007-01-23 11:00:38 · answer #9 · answered by prettyblueeyes101010 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the kids totally. They are so young. They may be afraid that you'll take their mom's role. Just be patient. (My parents are divorced and my dad remarried so I completely understand the kids' side). =)
2007-01-23 11:00:02 · answer #10 · answered by princess4444 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋