5 years ago he meet me fell madly in love with me and married me. We have a five year old son, but unfortunately our marriage was very bad - we had a lot of fights, he was always out in clubs and with friends and never ever spent time with me. We stopped having sex 2 years ago - he said he "suddenly fell out of love with me" . 3 months ago he meet another woman and moved out to live with her. He still maintains me on a very high level and sais he intends to do it for a couple of years ( I am a postgraduate student)
but he sais he doesn't think he will come back to me. However all his things are still inside the appartment and he didn't apply for divorce and didn't even try to discuss it with me. Does it mean that he is just going through a period and he is going to come back? What normallly happens in this circumstances? I am lost
2007-01-23 10:40:02 · 20 answers · asked by Rita B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Um...explain why you'd WANT him to come back to you? Let's recap:
__The marriage was "very bad"
__You fought a lot
__He didn't spend time with you
__You haven't had sex for years
__He's living with another woman
Aside from the money he's currently fronting you and the fact that you two mixed DNA one night and produced offspring, what, exactly are you trying to hold on to?
2007-01-23 10:48:43 · answer #1 · answered by zoni_tonya 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He might be going through a stage, but it has been bad for some time now, so it doesn't look good. when you say that he maintains you "on a very high level" it means that you depend on him for everything and he should not just do it for a couple of years, you should know your rights, which he is messing with right now, according to the law he should and must give you alimony and child support till your son is 18 years of age. I think he is doing a number on you. here he is, living with this other woman, abandoning you and his son. while you did not even contact a lawyer to know where you stand. What are you waiting for? His girlfriend to get pregnant?
Contact a lawyer at least for consultation, otherwise you may find yourself and your son on the street.
2007-01-23 10:58:28 · answer #2 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I`m going through the same thing although i wasn`t married to my ex,we had been together 6 years and have a 4 year old son.He walked out again for the 2nd time almost 3 weeks ago,we had only been back together 5 months,He`s saying exactly the same thing that he said before "he has just fallen out of love with me",i don`t know for certain if there`s someone else involved but i`m pretty sure there is and it hurts like mad.
Anyway getting back to you,if he says he`s not coming back then tell him to remove all his things from the house,it does sound as though he`s keeping you hanging on just in case things don`t work out with this other woman,i think thats also what happened with my ex the last time and i was so stupid and in love with him i let him come back only for him to leave again,i feel alot worse than i did last time as i could have prevented it and let i let him fool me into believing he had fallen back in love with me,i was also left at home while he was out partying for days on end and no doubt with other girls too,.
Sorry i keep going on about my own probs here,anyway i think you should show your ex you don`t need him to be happy and don`t sit around waiting on him deciding he wants to be with you,i did that last time and felt awful knowing he was with other people while i was pining for him at home,arrange a babysitter and go on a night out,you don`t need to go looking for some1 else but if the chance comes along then grab it and enjoy it,i certainly will be this time,I know i`ve went on a bit here but it`s good knowing there`s some1 going through the same thing,goodluck,xx
2007-01-23 10:58:35 · answer #3 · answered by onlyme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think if the man has money he can easily replace those personal things, the personal things he left mean nothing to him. i too thought since all my ex's items were still there that he was just making up his mind to come home. not so, he is so involved with her he isn't thinking of the items he left, he hasn't filed for divorce because he isn't ready, she probably isn't giving him any ultimatums yet. as the relationship is new and exciting, and she won't show her true colors so early on. best not to get your hopes up or analyze it, or have hopes because his stuff is still there, he is contemplating his options, deciding what he wants to do, but if he left u to be with her, there is something serious there. just have to accept it, i know it sounds mean but acceptance will begin the healing process, to not except is to stay in denial. what he is telling u is that not to have any hopes, that he doesn't intend on coming back. so i would take him at his word. be prepared for the worst. save some money as u never know when the money will stop coming in.
2007-01-23 10:52:21 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What normally happens is once a man moves out to be with someone else they dont come back to you! He has left his things in your apartment coz he is trying to keep you hanging on a string,hoping that he will return to you.But why would you want him back after he's gone off with some-one else? If its because of money, dont worry, there is always a way of maintaining yourself financially,you dont have to rely on him!By doing so you are encouraging him and he thinks he can just walk all over you! Sorry but just being realistic here.
2007-01-24 22:59:53 · answer #5 · answered by bevalou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he'll come back if the relationship with the other woman doesn't work,that's why he's left his things with you.But he'll go again when it suits.
He's told you that he doesn't love you,(sorry don't mean to hurt you anymore than you have been)and has moved out to be with someone else.
Your worth more,pack his things,phone him and tell him to collect them,as you have no intention of waiting to see if he is going to decide to come back. Say it's obvious that he's found happiness with someone else and that's what you intend to do. Say that he can see your child whenever it's suitable to both of you,and that you would appreciate his help financially until such time as you can afford to keep yourself.
Move on girl,he's not worth the heartache.
2007-01-23 15:01:17 · answer #6 · answered by animalwatch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that he is using you as a safety net by not taking his belongings he is giving you false hope. You ask him for a divorce and see how he reacts, say you need to move on in your life as well. What does he mean by intending to do this for a couple of years? he seriously expects you to wait around? what about your child? make sure you get child support from him, and obviously his relationship with your child should be allowed to continue. If i was you seriously i would give him an ultimatum me or your single life? if he decides the latter then let him move on, remember you only have one life you deserve to be happy.i wish you well for the future.
2007-01-23 10:59:46 · answer #7 · answered by karen333342 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What normally happens in this circumstance? The wife hires an attorney and files for divorce on grounds of adultery, emotional abuse, abandoment, etc. Get a court order to make him financially responsible for you and your son. Your husband sounds like a jerk.....You deserve better......Get rid of him.
2007-01-23 11:09:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its bad that u guys didnt have a good marriage. I dont think he's going to *** back to you. May be he's just buying time & has enough to maintain two ladies at the same time...but u hav to think do u wanna live, where u don hav him personally & u want to giv such father to ur child....
Think & move on...
2007-01-23 12:26:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't spend another second of your precious energy waiting for him to come back! Ask him to please come get his things because you need to move on. I do think he should support you for awhile and your son until he is 18. It wasn't good before, you just want him back because it is a habit and it is scary to try something new. Just think, now you are free to eventually find the RIGHT person for you!
2007-01-23 11:01:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋