Seems like everyone has a story to tell about divorce.... for as many that have something negative to say there are just as many that may have had a positive experience. Yes, it's ugly and painful but... it's a fact of life...it happens everyday and people get through it. Even as much as it's protested religiously, couples in church do divorce and often remarry and remain married for many years. There are often children involved and many of those children grow up better off and more well-rounded than if their parents would have stayed together and things had been miserable for everyone. So, is there a right or wrong? Is it best to stick it out for the kids even when there's really nothing else there? People seem to be so down on divorce and have the attitude of "stick it out no matter what". Then, there are people who are much better now than they would have ever been if they had stayed in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship. Any experience or advice????
2007-01-23 10:11:13 · 7 answers · asked by happily_jaded 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yep. I was in a marriage that was pure, unadulterated hell. My son and myself were both abused mentally and physically but my ex that had some serious mental issues arise. It became a thing of "go or die" for me and I left. After I left, she told my son that I had cheated on her for the entire time we were married (False). I literally went through financial hell and thought I had lost my son forever. I spent vast amounts of money on a high profile lawyer and fought to get my son back.
I won, and now have total access to my son; he has chosen to live with his uncle and aunt, he's now close to 18 and didn't want to leave his friends.
Through all of this, I met a woman. I was trying to cheer her up by telling her of my divorce, helping to ease the pain of her divorce. We have become the dearest of friends and lovers. SHe turned out to be everything that a man could ever dream of, great cook, wonderful mother, hard worker, understanding of my desires, and downright friggin smokin hot attractive, she plays guitar, sings, plays drums, listens to all kinds of music. She's basically a goddess.
My ex wife is the lonely old cat lady that lives on the corner. Not that I'm happy about that, but........;-)
2007-01-23 10:28:56 · answer #1 · answered by stratplayer1967 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is never a good thing to stay in a marriage simply because you have children. That particular idea causes longterm emotional damage to children. Especially if thier is noticeable tension and/or conflict among the married parents. It's much better to divorce and move in separate directions. But at the same time it is extremely important that both parents have contact and maintain relationships with their children.
People move on and many have very positive things happen in their respective lives. Divorce shouldn't be a cause for negativity to enter ones life after the divorce is over. Think positively and good things will follow.
2007-01-23 10:22:20 · answer #2 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not yet. Still working on it. Love and marriage are decisions you make together but, unfortunately, it only takes one to break both. I think people fool themselves into believing how miserable they are in their marriages (I'm not talking about abusive relationships or those involving drugs, alcohol, etc.) during the normal 'lows' that most marriages go through. Instead of putting any amount of effort into an existing relationship they decide to throw away a lot of years together, in some cases, for the anticipation of a 'fresh', 'new' partner. This is a disposable society after all.
I do believe that the kids are the ones to suffer in either case - if the parents split or if they stay together without trying to make it work. Misery is often a decision - just think how happy everyone would be if dad put the same effort and energy into wooing mom as he did his girlfriend? Or if he shared his thoughts and feelings with his wife (this goes vice versa also - I do realize there are women out there who cheat, too) instead of just convincing himself it's too hard or not worth it? You are only as unhappy as you decide you are. If you truly want to be happy - you will be, whether it is with your family or without.
If society is going to stay in the trend of not working things out, the whole idea of marriage should be rethought. Just lease your partner, with the terms decided up front, for however long you want. Trade her in for a new model - oops, men already do that. There should be more penalties involved, and intense marriage counseling should be done long before the marriage license is issued.
2007-01-23 12:51:53 · answer #3 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a family diner down the street from my house. It's called Mr. T's. It serves large portions and is only open for breakfast and lunch. The building looks like a house of the size people used to build in the early 1900's, not one of those monstrosities that popluate mile after mile of modern america. Inside there are black and white photographs of loggers and factory workers, there are pictures typical to the kind you would expect to find in a house in the midwest. Today I sat at a little table beside a painting of a fat hen with three little chicks around and atop her. The radio in the kitchen plays classic rock and is close enough to hear no matter where you sit. The waitresses are middle aged women who refuse to dance around their words and put on the facade of grace our culture convinces girls to affect elsewhere. I've been to Mr. T's repeatedly and I love it because its real like my home was. I know the wait staff and they know me. It's pleasant and I drink entirely too much coffee every time I go because the staff knows thats why I'm really there. One of the waitresses is a heavy set woman with the delicacy of flail. I knew from past conversations that her knee was injured badly and that her leg brace was annoying because of how much it chafed her leg. I couldn't do anything about either of those things but I did ask her how her knee was and I offered my condolences. It's not much, but I've worked service jobs before and people's attitude is generally that "I'm paying you so you owe me something and I can treat you just about however I feel". It's always satisfying when someone comes along that isn't all about themselves and instead gets to know who you are. So thats my positive difference.
2016-05-24 02:00:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something possitive came out of my divorce: my daughter and I are alive! He was abusive so I left. Without my divorce I never would've: climbed the highest peak in Texas! gotten my para-educators license! bought my own car! raised a beautiful loving caring daughter! gotten my job at a university! met my soulmate! gained two more daughters! and had a beautiful son!
As for those who stick it out for the children: at ten years old I begged my mom to divorce my dad because I was tired of seeing her abused and I wanted her to be happy. (Perhaps growing up with that is why I married someone just like him the first time) Now, 22 years later, she's still married to him and spent the night at my house this weekend. I don't condem her choice, but I do let her know that I am here whenever she needs me and that my fiance' and I are looking at buying a house that has a separate guest house for her if she needs it.
2007-01-23 10:36:39 · answer #5 · answered by christibearb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Positive story! I actually have a paycheck that covers the bills and I'm not in debt up to my eyeballs! Your right though, every divorce has both positive and negative effects
2007-01-23 10:22:38 · answer #6 · answered by open_phunguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll positively be happy or depressed for the rest of your life.
2007-01-23 10:27:06 · answer #7 · answered by Skinz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋